I want to go home

Many find it unbelievable when I say that I hate going home, I dread holidays because it means that I have to go home, they kick me out of the dorms, look at me strange if I don/t book a flight. Why is it so hard to imagine that I just don't want to go to that house in Boise? I don't call it home anymore and haven't for some time now. I must admit there are fun times and I do get excited sometimes to go back. Today I went ice skating and shopping with my mom, I helped make a cake with my brother and tonight we are going to all watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' my all time favorite movie and tradition. I could get caught in the family traditions and joy of the season but I just don't anymore, it is dead to me.

I try to not let the truth of Christ's birth die in my heart but it's hard this time of season, in this house, with these people to celebrate such a joy. A family that yells at each other constantly and hides it all minutes later with jokes and fake smiles. They try to buy happiness and eat happiness but because neither are satisfying they consume more, I'm disguised not so much with them but with myself. As I'm here I easily get caught in the search for satisfaction in such worthless idols. I get caught up in the variety of foods that we can make and eat, I trick my mom in to getting me those things that I think will bring me a better life and I stare at that TV watching movies and episodes of 'Deal or no deal'. It's not that I mad at them its that I mad at myself. Choosing things of this world rather than God and I wonder why it is so hard to read and pray when I'm here! Hard to believe God would still love such a wretch as me, but he does and will forever. He is patient as I need to be with my mom, he is loving as I need to be with my dad, He is forgiving as I need to be with my brother, he is giving as I need to be with my brother and I need to die to myself..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:3-4, but read it all. Christ was born and from there humbly lived, obedient to death, gave all of himself for me and you and my family and this world...dare I complain of my time here as this blog started as, I wanted to throw in the towel and plea that God take me home, I wanted to quit and live for myself in heaven, but that is not how it works only humbly will I enter heaven...I am not humble.

As you read this don't just pray for me but pray for yourself as well because if you don't realize the sin in your own life, if you don't see your own fallen world, wake up! We all need humility...be like Christ oh we can if we die, die, die to our filthy selves and humbly love and serve God's children. This is the family God put me in so that I would face up to the reality and see that God as a 'good' plan for my life, a 'good' plan that brings him glory not me.

If my brother wants me to cook him dinner, than I should. If my mom wants me to go shopping with her than I should. If my brother wants to tickle me than I should let him, and whoever asks from me something let me give freely...for like I told a friend yesterday, 'It is all God's' that includes our possessions and our very selves.

A Dinosaur named Sue!

I decorated this cake myself!

Sugar High! That is the only problem cause every time the frosting got on me I licked it off. I don't want to know how much sugar I consumed but I know it was a lot because I fell really funny! There was a plus to this dinosaur, to this massive cake project that my dad, my brother and I started yesterday and finished this evening. It was time together with the two of them, time not spent yelling and arguing but just fun time. Plus my dad got to pass his old cake making skills on to two of his kids. On another note it is a plus because when it became my turn to frost I was eventually left alone, so alone I listened to a couple messages and prayed, I got some genuine time with God which has been hard to find here at home. I wanted to share this praise and my new skills at cake decorating!



Now I got to help my brother make a homemade pizza! mmm...

(The dinosaur's name is Sue because one of the things we discussed while making this cake was Johnny Cash's song, 'A Boy named Sue', did Sue want to kill his father?)

Desire

I've been reading Harry Potter. I thought it better than me wasting my time on TV and movies. From the first book which I have just finished I have gotten the idea for this post. The mirror that allows one to see one's deepest desires.

Also last night I finally watched the second Pirates of the Caribbean. The idea for this blog also comes from that movie. Jack carries around this compass that points one to their deepest heart's desire. For Jack there was never a definite direction but for Elizabeth it pointed to where William was. The one she loves is her deepest desire.

So what is my deepest desire? What is it that my heart longs for above all else? I pray and hope that it is God but I'm afraid that is not so. What if I was to look into that mirror and not see God but instead something else. If I was to hold onto that compass would it point me to God and his word or would it point me down a different path? I'm afraid!

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. - Psalm 73:35

Look at what I have written If I had not the genuine desire of God than I would not have the fear of any other desire being greater. God is most important in my heart no lie of Satan will change this. There still could be things that I'm putting forward in my mind and heart and it is those things that need go. My pray for my self and you is that those things be made clear and be destroyed. If my God, our God is so jealous for our love we not he make it apparent when we are putting other things before him? Maybe not at first but most likely a situation will come when we will have to choice between God and our idols, that is when I pray that we burn our idols and choice the infinite loving God. Let us keep each other in our prayers.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

I caught you painting the sky,
I felt your tears fall
I heard your might in the rolling thunder
and now I stand in awe of You.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I want to wake to your beauty
I want to walk with your peace
I want to stand in your strength
I want to live in your love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SKI SKI SKI

The TEN Reasons I had fun this weekend with Maggie and Laura in Steamboat

1. We saw a fox, a ram and fake horses
2. Maggie didn't get killed by a bear that put Laura into Shock saying, 'Bear, Bear'
3. I did somersaults down the hill and lived to giggle about it
4. Laura falls standing up
5. Visitor center and 'Soda Fountain' Pharmacy
6. Going really fast down a run is fun when you have control
7. Saunas and warm beds
8. Beautiful scenery, Blankets of Snow
9. Funny road trips
10. Relaxing and not worrying about anything except for falling!

"I Love to Ski!"

it is NOT our time

I was pondering today our availability for each other. At first I was complaining to my self and God about how as a team we don't fellowship that much, and how we aren't available for each other enough. God quickly reminded me that I too haven't been that available. Not just my time to be a listening ear or a helping had. But my heart hasn't been that available for the team. God what needs to change in my life? What needs to change in our lives? So we can be there for each other...

mad dash in the wrong direction

As my heart pounded on my mad dash to Weber to print before class today I had a thought. A thought that in my mind is worthy of a post. It is the reason I was dashing, actually running. Flip flops, sweatpants I slept in, t-shirt I wore yesterday and a notebook of scattered papers. The day started at 4am little more tired but content and joy filled. Less than ten hours later I was adding a title and my name to my final honors paper for my final honors class. Sadly I scrolled down my creation only to realize I was one page short of the target, one page short of perfection. Agh the story of my life. Often I have been caught one page short, one point short, one day short of what I had in my mind as perfection. Here I was once again. After what I considered an excellent paper, after pouring my soul out into or maybe just a little. I had to settle with the incomplete creation and since I was running late, funny saying I thought as I ran myself off to the computer lab because I still think the idea of having your own printer silly. I was hot from the sun shining on me as I frantically finished the paper, I was tired from lack of good sleep, I was drained from the life that constantly moves and drags me along, I
was frustrated with a poor paper and I was more frustrated with...

I was more frustrated with my spirit. In the past 2 hours the paper became my number one priority. I turned into the roommate who is demanding as she puts her life as the first in the pair, the roommate I hate. I turned into the friend who shoos you away roughly with not even a word of hello. I turned into the friend who was irritated by your loving attempt to calm my spirits with a hug. I turned into the friend who paid not attention to your presence, in any other situation would have. I turned into that person that nudges people to the side when they are in the way, but don't worry I didn't actually nudge anybody. I was that person I hate, I was so mad at myself that I almost ripped my paper up to show my frustration.

And now I must contniue the frantic dash to finish everything that is due tomorrow. But wait shall I continue the sprirt of evil or will I stop and rest in God and apologize to all those that I hurt?

This is the point in life that I don't understand. The godly life in the world. Spending your time on others, spending your time with God, spending your time fixing mistakes made, spending your time in fellowship, spending your time in serving, spending your time in whatever God calls you up to do. Hair cuts and birthday cakes and late night conversations with friends. But wait is it my time or is it God's?

Crush! It is God's and I must die to myself as he said, I knew this would be hard!
...and I'm dead

All this is ironic because my paper was all about those around me and how they help me to develop myself! Looks like I just wrote my last page!

Grace and Joy

Do you see the beuatiful connection between grace and joy? I do or atleast I think I do. We mess things up royally with our relatioinship with God. We come to our senses that is God changes our hearts. We see our sin, that is God points out every area we messed up. We confess to God and ask to be forgiven by those involved, if the case applies. We trust in his promises, we hold to the hopes we have in him, we bow and give all of ourselves to him...this all sounds as it is the five easy steps to fixing your relationship with God...but they aren't easy and they aren't steps. It requires humility, patience, and complete, I mean complete!, trust in God because all is through him and by him and in him, all is him! That is when you see grace, when God shows you a glimpse of what your wrethchedness deserves and then he wraps you with his love and gentleness and forgiveness and Christ's precious blood, everything we do not deserve...that is grace. That is what brings peace and joy...his message, his good news, his love and nothing of ourselves.

"But the angel said to them, 'do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.'" - Luke 2:10

"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." - Romans 6:11-14

100 things to be thankful for

1. God's infinite love for me
2. Christ's death on the cross
3. Snow
4. Forgiven sins
5. silence of morning
6. God's listening ear
7. God's patience
8. candles
9. moonlight
10. faithful women
11. Michelle Carter
12. Laura "nilo"
13. sign language
14. chocolate
15. silly conversations
16. encouragements
17. Hope in God
18. a loving church
19. Tom Brown
20. Mandy brown
21. beautiful voices
22. Hymns and true Christmas songs
23. Holy Night
24. old town square
25. bike rides
26. walks in the snow
27. Maggie
28. ski trips
29. my mom
30. my mom's love for me
31. my grandma
32. the deaths of my grandpas
33. warm blankets
34. falling asleep with prayer
35. Ashley's hugs
36. Becky's hugs
37. change for the better
38. Lannea
39. The Word
40. The Living and Active Team
41. Kate the Great
42. Kelsey
43. flowers
44. Daisies
45. root bear
46. dressing up
47. warmth
48. God's holiness
49. Christlike expectations
50. sanctifying work of the Spirit
51. kids
52. skipping
53. dancing
54. worship
55. prayer
56. bond of brothers and sisters
57. front desk job
58. Michelle and Dave
59. smiles
60. tears
61. painting
62. running
63. Faith and Jonah and Rupert
64. bunk beds
65. laptops
66. coffee shops
67. running into friends
68. bell ringers
69. 1300 Laporte
70. Martha Stuart brothers
71. Cristin's snuggling hug-able love
72. ice cream
73. d-team smith
74. that we are always late
75. Stephen's fixed truck
76. 3 broken leaders
77. peace of God that really does transcend all understanding
78. gift searching for loved ones
79. smell of lavender
80. Sovereignty of God
81. Heaven
82. The Shepherd
83. we shall enter his court
84. washed white as snow
85. strength of the Lord
86. His faithfulness
87. 2SE
88. Liz and her fish
89. Lesley's heart for prayer
90. Grace
91. Mercy
92. dogs and turtles
93. hard classes
94. Corbett night dinners
95. Newsom Hall
96. making cookies with my brother
97. drives with my dad
98. shopping with my mom
99. making the table
100. Psalm 100 and God's call for my life

When we ask to pray for somebody else, do we do it for them or for us or for God? Just think and let me know your thoughts

me and beauty

Have you ever walked and thought and sat and thought, walked up and down sidewalks, sat in coffe shops, drove in the mountains, thought and thought and wonder and dreamed. Read and shopped and listened and watched and searched but yet you come up with nothing? Find yourself gazing off into that which only leaves you wanting more because more might give you answers but it never does. Finishing an orange juice and wondering why you are still thirsty, finish a sandwich and find yourself hungry, go for a walk and find yourself wanting to walk longer, finishing a movie and find yourself still bored, buy cards and a skirit and find yourself wanting morning. We get caught into these lures looking for satisfaction, looking for pleasure and comfort and looking for something to fill the inner longings of our hearts. Then out of nowhere pure beauty displays it's self. So beautiful that with our eyes turned the complete opposite way we find ourselves turning and being satisfied. We drop our drink and stop the movie and throw aside our idols, we grab a coat and shoes and run to it. running, not stopping because we think by running we will get closer, but it is only then that we realize it is all around and it isn't us running after it is God just showing himself. It is not because of the righteous things we had done but because of his mercy...grace...love...Holy God...Father...Son...Holy Spirit. I realized this morning and this evening, in fact all of my life here and there it is only God...the answer to every question is God! A sunset painted by him fills our longing to see beauty, it is his word that fills our hunger and thirst, it is love that fills our loneliness, it is all of Him that leaves us wanting more of Him. I love God but more importantly is that he loves me, can you fathom that? I can't! God is so beautiful so why do we look away? God is so wonderful so why do we go elsewhere? God is so loving so why do we run into other arms? God is so faithful so why do we lack faith and trust?

Abra and Kate time!

Watch out world Kate and I will be together for the next week and that rocks. We just watched a girlie movie, ate pasta and oreos, and made invitations to our tea party! I love Kate and I love the peace of the dorms when everybody is gone, I love having a car to drive because Maggie went home today, I love God and his many blessings and I love not having to go to bed at 10 because I have to get up to go to work. Yeah no work until Tuesday morning! Chris is in my Boise! I love my parents! I feel like a teenager but I love life so praise the Lord for he is good, no he is GOOD!

And what would be a good name for the memory madness team?

Maybe some thing with Jeremiah 31:33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." Sweet verse, and that is what we are doing.

Thank God that my big toe doesn't hurt

All comes from him, bring him all Praise

Blessed be His Name


Stop and think about that again, everything! EVERYTHING comes from him

every point of a test, every minute with your roommate, every smile, every warm night, every grape, every drop of water, every ray of sun, every phone call, every hug, every spoken and heard word, every breath. That...that breath you just took praise God, every scar, tear and struggle thank him, stop look where you are, look what you have, look at God's blessings...Thank God that my mom clothes me well, thank God for the hair on my head, thank God for my phone, thank God for this laptop, thank God for my parents, thank God that I am warm, thank God that I have water, thank God for all the food in this room, thank God for my bed, thank God that I have a place to celebrate Thanksgiving with, thank God for my glasses so I can see, thank God for the caring friends around me, thank God for random guys who hold the door open for you, thank God for all my classes, thank God for every ounce of knowledge that he has blessed me with, thank God for pictures, thank God for my beta fishes, thank God for my stuff animals, thank God for your Word, thank God that I can memorize verses, thank God that I have people in my life to hold me accountable, thank God for every bit of understanding he has given me, thank God for every situation he has hand picked for me to walk in, thank God that my path is laid out by him, thank God that his mercies are new every morning, thank God that he completly erases all past sins by his sons death, thank God for the cross, thank God for Jesus, thank God for his faithfulness, thank GOd for his love, thank God for his grace,...thank God...thank God...thank God...thank God

Shake me

Have you ever shook a tree branch and watched all the leaves fall off. That is what I want God to do to me. Shake off all the dead leaves that we still hold so tightly too. Shake them off so that new leaves can come in, so that he can truly live through us. It's those last leaves that seem to take forever to be shed. When God first starts shaking us when we are first born into him, all that falls is obvious and it seems like all of us is dying and that based on what lies on the ground we assume that we are bear, but we aren't just look. I'm at a point in my life when I know that I need to be more bear, what I have given to him in the past is no longer enough because he wants it all. I cling to my idols, my pride, my ungodly satisfactions, my worldly ideals and all that trash that I still think is a treasure...God just wants us to let go and trust his promise that "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39

Let go that you may cling to an eternal treasure, God himself!

cry of a saint

God will really take everything away. All that matters is that which is eternal.

For the last couple days I've been amazed and in a sense struggling with my life in this world and my all important life with God. I'm having a hard time studying in class knowing that there are lost souls all around. It is hard for me to plan my day as I walk by an ambulance knowing that somebody is hurting and probably needs you. I can't read my book for my class as I watch somebody screaming in pain. I can't think about all the homework I have to do when I know that my dad as much as he loves me won't be with me forever if he doesn't accept Jesus. This world is lost, falling and doomed for destruction. How can I live a worldly life when I know this? Why is it that I still rather seek the satisfaction of a movie, a game of hearts, food, sleep, clothes and everything else that has become an idol in my life? How can I cry out to be more in love with Jesus when my thoughts wander away from him every minute, my pride still has a throne in my heart, when what makes me comfortable is all that matters, when I still cling to so much of me?

In steps God. Grace, love, mercy, patience, comfort, compassion, gentleness, forgiveness and more and more and more and more. Love and Jesus Christ. Life and victory, rest and faithfulness, understanding. As he reveals how far I am from being like him; he reveals how big and loving he is. For I can not sin more than God can forgive and wash. Oh Grace! Oh God bind my heart to thee. be glorified in me. use me. bring this world to their knees. slow my heart and transform it. break me and restore me. May I suffer and struggle so that you might b glorified. may i hear you when you call. take that which im not giving.

Rock Retreat there and back...

This past weekend I was in Winter Park with 14 of my dearest D-Team members and many other wonderful brothers and sisters.

I wish I had an amazing blog entry to write but all I want to do is say that I'm very thankful for the glimpse of God's beauty, the resting time, the deep messages, the fresh air, the company and the breaking of my heart, soul and pure brokenness that was very much needed. I still don't know all that changed in me and those around me but the most obvious is my desire to read God's word and keep him with me through out the day and at the center of every descison that comes my way.

It was a time to reflect on where my heart was and was going. I found my self thirsting for real worship, real love, real devotion, real trust and real dependence. Just listen and rest God told me and that is when he revealed himself to me. The best thing to hear for my faith is that my faith isn't and shouldn't be dependent on the answer. We are called to ask and expect good, the answer is God's job. I pray for salvations and expect them to happen, God works out the when and how. Give the ball to God with expectation that he will return good.

My heart still has many cold and hard parts that need God's holy touch,...in time

Oh Peter!

I finished 1 Peter and so here are some thoughts from the end.

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:5-11)

v.5-7 let us all humble ourselves so that grace will be given and in that we shall see this grace bestowed on each of us. Let us not lose sight of grace, of the grace to be given to us.
v.8-9 Resist Satan and his lies, let us all stand firm together in Christ for you and me and all our brothers/sisters are suffering too. But remember this is a good thing though our fleshy sight can't perceive it as such.
v.10-11 what is meant by a 'little while' for even Peter I don't think knows, but God does and promises...you will be restored for God's glory to make you strong, firm and steadfast.

If I had not suffered for more than a year of depression I would not have been so joy-filled, life-embracing, God trusting, and thankful for each of you as I am today. If I had not suffered through planter-fasciitis and my freak bruise a couple summers ago and my struggles with running I would not love it as much as I do now, I would not be as thankful for God granting desires. If I had not along with 60 brothers and sisters undergone suffering of sickness, heat, mockery and what not I would not be as close to God as I am now. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart 2 years ago I would not be running with you now. If I had not denied myself and took up my cross daily I would not be where I am today. Oh praise God for his abundant grace and love. What he has done in us and what he will do today, tomorrow, this weekend, this semester, this year...

with kisses and love I end this
"greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ" - 1 Peter 5:14

Yes I have a website!

For my Education class I had to create a website for my Web Quest. So if you go to it don't get too excited there is nothing of real fun. But soon I'll turn this into my own website, maybe! check it out at http://mycahs.cahs.colostate.edu/abra.s.mcgillivary/

Excitement and fear

That is what is filling me up until the Rock Retreat and there after. In fact everyday that I wake up and pray that today be God's day a feeling of excitement and a feeling of fear consumes me. When you give God the reins to your life you know it will be a ride that your Spirit will love and through his hands up in the air on the roller coaster and your flesh will tremble and barf has it holds on for dear life wishing that it would stop. But if you give God everything that means that the excitement and fear won't stop. Your flesh will have to let go and yes fall out and die. It's a sad tale for the flesh but I shall have no remorse for its death, sick? NO!

I'm excited that God will work and me and show himself to me but I'm afraid because I know I will have to say no to things, I will have to change my life and I will have to live a life that to a worldly person is dreadful. But I shall rejoice. I don't know what God wants to change in me but my prayer is that this next weekend I will be transformed and won't turn back. My life I pray from this moment on will be a life of praise and devotion, Obedience and rejoicing, death and life, brokenness and restoration, dependent and satisfying; May this life be completely held by God's Sovereign Will.

Pray this for me and for everybody else that is going.

Childlike faith once again

I love going to the church Wednesday nights to babysit. You get to play, Eddie gives a lesson, Mrs. Richard does her mother thing so you learn to parent and get this you get to pray with the cutest kids. Not to mention being humbled by kds who know more than you, they maybe small and young but man they are solid in their faith don't overlook a child who follows Jesus.

There is this new family that has 4 beautiful girls. Laura is the youngest and to guess an age I would say 2-3 but I'm not very sure. She is so cute that she gets away with talking while Eddie is teaching even though Mrs. Richard tries to keep her quiet. But when she answered one of the questions last night with the biggest grin, "Jesus!" Your heart melts because she simple knows Jesus loves her. She was also the first to pray, "Thank you for this day and help us get to airport in Mexico" A little slower and more jumbled. That is childlike faith. According to her sister that is what she has been praying everyday for the last few weeks. Their family is planning on taking a trip to Mexico in a couple weeks and so she has been praying for that.

She made me giggle during prayer and also made me think. Do I have childlike faith? To ask and persist in asking knowing that God will answer my prayer. A child trusts their parents to feed them, clothe them, and protect them. God is our Father so won't he do the same. We ask for financial help he will answer, we ask him to not only kiss our pains away but heal them, we ask for knowledge he grants, we ask for salvation of those so dear to us he will move and draw them...

humble, persistent and trusting we come to him in prayer...

either quickly as with Eliezer(Genesis 24:12-20), abundantly as with Solomon (1 Kings 3:3-14), in time as with Mary and Martha (John 11:1-6), with sufficient grace and power as with Paul (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, with strength from an angel as with Jesus (Luke 22:39-46)...he will answer

to that which will give him the most amount of glory!

In Christ Alone - Newsboys

Amazing lyrics:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

the flesh is nothing and fear is nothing

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." - 1 Peter 3:6

DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!

When God calls you to do something, do it. Out of love, out of obedience.

"Be self-controlled and alert. YOur enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5:8

Don't let him he has no hold.

Childlike faith

Nathan spoke for the first time this friday on the promises of God. Starting and ending with the concept...Trust like a Child

Thursday I took a day off, not to sleep in and watch tv and eat junk food but a day of rest, personal retreat that was needed. It was nice to just stop and listen to God, not as easy as it sounds.

One place I went was a where the Poudre river meets Shields. This location was where I was baptized 2 years ago and I haven't been there since I was baptized. I've been meaning to go and find it just for sentimental reasons.

I got there and all the memories flooded back to me. I remember walking barefoot to and from the spot, I remmeber walking down the bank, I remember the rock that shooted out of the water, I remember the cold water, I remember praying to God shortly before it happened. I'm not sure exactly when I knew that my sins were paid but I knew then, when I prayed I knew for real that in my heart I was saved cross, resurrection and life. I remember all the brothers and sisters that came and I remember the hot chocolate afterswards before passing out.

THe real point of this entry is that that spot reminded me of the first days of my walk, the first weeks, the first months. I knew I was thirsty for God, I wanted to know everything there was to know. I read and read, I asked questions, I listened to everybody around me. I was soaking up as much as I could. My child like faith made me so hungry and trusting.

But here I am again realizing that I know so little of my savior and that I need so much more. Here I find myself having to review the simple truths that God really did send his son for me and that I'm called by God. Here I am asking for childlike faith to crave and believe in every promise and truth. Here I am asking for the boldness to proclaim your name as I so quickly did the first moments of my walk.

May we all humble ourselves and look to God as our Father who cares for us, who loves us with a love that sends his son to the cross for us. I want to trust like a child and have the faith like a child.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:15

Still Here

I'm writing to let you know I'm still here...alive and well...oh and God is still good!

I've been thinking about something lately...The season of fall, autumn, what every you may call it. I love when the trees change color and fall, drift to the ground. I was sitting on my loft yesterday looking out the window like I always do up there. I was watching the leaves fall from the giant trees on the South side of Newsom, if you don't know what I'm talking about you should come check it out. Grab a book and lay in the leaves as they fall on you and the gentle breeze lets you know you are still alive, the sun shines and you you drift into a nap, oh I love it! So back to the leaves.

Somebody pointed out to me that this time of the year is often associated by students as a beginning of something but yet it is a time of leaves falling and dying. It brings me to the point of "Things must die before there is life. Think about the Christian life, think about what God calls us to do. We are called to die so that we might truly live, we are called to take up our crosses daily, die to yourself everyday so that life could flow through you.

"How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies" - 1 corinthians 15:36
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." - Col 3:3
"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;'" - john 11:25

Death and life...my thoughts will continue

I'm falling deeper in love...

...as I go through the thick and thin with God I find more tear fill my eyes, my grin gets bigger and my heart gets lighter. I don't really know what it is like to truly be in love but I think that it's like this. Oh how sweet is my time in God's love, everyday that I trust him brings me closer and closer to him and his deep love for me. I just want to go deeper and deeper, I just want to fall completely in his hands, surrendering everything to my king...

"I was washed with the blood of my lover, poured on to me, oh what true love this is"

"Falling in love" by Falling Up

You are my one true love
You are the voice that is so sweet
In everything I do, you bring the best out of me
You are my wings to fly
You are the wind beneath them
I miss you every night, when I close my eyes
You put your feelings down
You stopped your tears you brought me love
You held on to my heart
You held with hope to have me near
Sometimes I close my eyes
Sometimes I let my hunger rise
I think of all you are, you are the love of my life

(Chorus X3 )
All of my dreams and my passions
Are in your hands

You reached me in my need
Your rhythm flows under my skin
I need you desperately,
A sweet healing that will begin
You are my one true love
You are the voice that is so sweet
In everything I do, you bring the best out of me
My everything is you
The very motions that I move
And everything with richness
The richness of the peace you bring

(Chorus X3)

Always, always you are with me (X3)

(Chorus X3)

You are the love of my life
He comes to find you on your knees

I quit

I finally got up the courage to quit my engineering lab job. I never realized how big of a step of faith it was until I got to the entrance of the building where my boss worked. I stood still for the longest time, frozen with fear...but I reflected back to what I prayed this morning for this moment, I asked for courage and boldness and sure enough in response..."When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted" (Psalm 138: 3)...and I remembered that God was good, a basic truth but yet sometimes so hard to wrap your mind around...

Done...

I cried as I said goodbye because before in my mind I was saying goodbye to a job, to work, to money, to time that should be spent else where...but I forgot I was saying goodbye to the people as well...I love my boss and my co-workers but one must move on...

Peace...oh the sweet joy of peace and knowing that I just obeyed God, he is pleased.

That was hard...so what is next?

If you lead me...

These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:7)

I'm about to take a step that I'm more than scared of, I'm frightened...but why? Why is that when we are about to take steps I mean leaps of faith we curl up in fear and tremble...why is it that tears stream down my face and my heart skips a beat? I need to trust God and not just the christian to do of saying "Trust God" but the real "Trust God" or I'll end up in a ditch cold and hungry wondering why I didn't just take the step of faith...So now that I have you on the edge of your seat I guess I'll tell you what kept me awake last night and what brought tears when I arose this morning..."I'm quitting" What you ask? My job at the engineering lab. A good paying job, with flexible hours, easy load of work, free printing, silence most of the time, and great people. There I told God last night and I''m telling you this morning so in stone it lies...

Last night I asked for a message that would guide me and show me some direction because I felt like my world was being tossed in a bowl like a salad and I couldn't take much more of it...I need the light to shine on my path and I needed something in my life to stop spinning...God never dishes out more than you can handle and so right when my last finger was breaking loose from my hold, God caught me...The message was in my mind a message about making yourself available and open and humble so that God could guide and direct you where he wanted you..."If you lead me Lord I will follow, where you lead me Lord I will go..." (Invitation Fountain by Michael J. Pritzl)...so he did and now I will follow

It only makes sense to leave you with a verse that kept me hanging on yesterday until the evening when God had a message for me. It reminds of when Brandon Pullen told us in New Orleans about when he was looking for housing for us. John Meyer told him to look and if nothing found by Friday, come back and we'll go somewhere else this summer. So come that thursday night no housing was found and no leads where clear but faith kept this brother praying and barely, but still believing. And sure enough God provided the next day. Oh how easy it would have been to just quit Thursday night. Oh how easy it is for us to quit right before God answers...right before God shows his glory...Hang on there dear saint whatever God is pressing on your heart or whenever you are at the point of just giving up, don't it could be the night before...That person on your heart that you've been pleading with God to be saved maybe tomorrow the angels will sing or maybe you are trusting God with a provision or something and there doesn't appear to be any hope that anything is on the way just maybe at your doorstep it will lie or maybe the next phone call is the answer...

Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm 55:22)

Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me (John 16:32)

Why?

Why does my heart hurt so? Why do I find this room to be so cold? Why do so many people cry themselves to sleep? Why do we wander about this world in seek of that glitter, that shine, that something that we think will make us happy? Why do we seek to satisfy the flesh? God it has never lasted, the laughter of a joke ends, the warmth of hot tea cools, goodness of chocolate melts away in our mouths, the shouts of victorious ball games quiet down, the movie ends and we are left alone in this cold world…or at least until we get up again and search to find that pleasure…once again in the dark, in tears we find…until we face the truth…only in God will the smiles remain Forever, the warmth will stay, the sweet love will remain, the honor of victory will not be taken away, the story, well the story is being written right now…the story is you, not Audrey Hepburn, but you! God is writing our stories and these ones take more than two hours, they are…FOREVER! There will still be cold nights and tear drenched pillows but not alone, nobody wants to be alone…just open your eyes. .. … …. That rainbow, that cloud, that hug, that squirrel, that bird, that rain drop, that rain drop and that one and that one and…that sound…that thunder, that crack, that stillness, that whisper…”Abra…I love you!” shh…stop the music, it’s a train whistle (funny)…home…stop and listen to your heart, mmm…rest and peace for God is good and knows our hearts, knows our struggles and knows how to make things better…kiss the elbow and smile…for the pain lasts only a while but the joy and love well that’s FOREVER!

Acting like a Christian

I wish I had some prefound thought on the subject but I'm only bringing it up in order to start thinking. This subject has been popping up in my world for the past 2 weeks...

It all started or at least me really starting to think about it...some friends of my roommate (luckly not best friends) stopped by to see our dormroom and then while there began to plan what would be done next, drinking of course because that is the only way to have in this world, right! I was only mildly disgusted with their idea to have "fun" because lets face it that is what most college students do, sadly:( But when 2 of them openly shared that they were Christians that is when my heart stopped and I had to fight back the urge to cry a lake or lock them in the room until they come to their senses. Neither of the 2 happened, I even tried to find a verse against drunkness but my eyes would not see the references in my concordence. Why did God not reveal to me verses? I don't say this as anger to him but wanting to know why that wasn't the right time. After they left I looked again and they were as clear as day to read. I wanted to yell at God for not stopping them and for not changing their hearts but all I could do was cry. Their words hurt me..."Following Jesus all the way to the keg"...it still hurts. How can God take this when his children sin...my heart felt it for those 2...God feels it for everybody...every second...every sin! That is when I really broke down...I sin...I was sinning that night with my hate and judging...I'm sinning right now with my pride and fear..."For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" (romans 3:23)

Where am I going with this? I don't know because I don't understand.

Moving on to another conversation I had with 2 girls on my hall. We talked about how non-christians watch us like hawks when we claim to be "Christians" they watch our lives and that is when we must come to God everyday and call to him to fill us with the Spirit. That is why we strive to be Christ like, that is why we die to ourselves and surrender our lives at the cross. But that isn't why! We don't live for them, but by living for God we show the world what it means to live as a christian.

Next...A fellow sister was telling me last night that she was disgusted with some of her friends from high school who all want to become pastors but yet their facebook pictures are covered with drinking and playing beer-pong. I don't want to spread gossip but just show that yet again this subject came up in my world. What does this world think of when they think of christians? Hiprocrites or lights? What am I? Do I go about my day speaking of God and how amazing he is when the whole day my heart is being proud, I'm not forgiving people in my life, I'm judging and basically my thoughts are on myself and my heart is cold. Am I a hypocrite?

...Wow! God is amazing because at this very moment 2 saints walked into the engineering lab. Hi's and verses shared...Wow this is the verse given to me, which just goes to show that God is working in our lives when we don't expect it: "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." (1 John 2:1-6)

I'm just going to let God speak for himself as he has, for here is a verse from our small group's bible study last night, yet another verse that I didn't think of myself: "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:1-6)

Summary: If you are Christian walk as Jesus did and when you stumble and fall, remember Christ died on the cross for everyone of your sins, so live in his victory and in God's Grace.

Morning Prayer

I don't want to mess up my life, I want a listening heart and a tamed flesh so that I can hear your voice and feel your Spirit move instead of me. I want to act like your Queen, be as humble as your servant and as trusting as a child. O LORD, King and Father. You transcend all time...let me be patient and wait...give me strength to beat my flesh...teach me to guard my heart...guide me to walk straight...walk in faith trusting in who you are, imitating you in grace and love and by doing so find peace and rest in you Almighty and that is where my hope will be found in your return and may you find faith in your saints...my life let it be all for your glory henceforth that is my joy and let it not fade in the waves of struggle...finding complete satisfaction in you may that be my contentment...For you are Good!

"Call on me and I will answer and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" - Jeremiah 33:3

May I focus my thoughts and gaze on you. You are my first true love...that is why on my finger lies your ring, eternally. May everything I am, do and say be pleasing to you in light of Jesus' death for only by your grace...do I stand before your throne. Thanks and Praises go to you who is faithful, loving and good to all your children. Hear the cries of all the saints to you today, may their prayers be from sincere hearts...incenses in heaven rise this morning. All Honor and Praise and Glory to you..."Holy, Holy, Holy"...forever may we sing...

Oh sweet rain!

Yesterday I was tired and in pain and so I laid down to take a nap in my high rising dorm loft, oh how sweet. Midway through such said nap the rain began to pour. I smelled it with joy, felt little droplets squeeze through the screen of my window and tap my face and hand, I felt the breeze of the cool light wind, I heard the tap of rain drops on the window pane and the loud crack of lightening. Oh what a glorious nap. God knows I love the rain so thank you dear sweet lover. He is so good to us and so loving. I can't deny it. Thinking back on my honors seminar and it's search for self, asking questions about what is real and what we can trust. I don't know anything but the only thing that matters, God is real and loves me. His son died for each one of my sins and now I can stand with courage before my God, my King, my Lover. Oh what joyous resting truth.

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' - Jeremiah 33:3

'Not much scares us'

Oh the truth, even though the author of this quote was referring to horror movies, there is truth in it. Where is the fear of God? Maybe God will bring back the days of the old testement stories when God would just strick somebody dead like Uzzah, they were made an example of. "The LORD's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God." - 1 Chronicles 13:10 You knew what things were wrong, you knew what God hated but now what? Godlessness is everywhere but nobody has been struck dead. Might I get struck dead? Do I have the fear of God in me?

"...but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30 For us women we are called to have the fear of Lord in us, do I?

forever never?

a poem of hope
i wish to write
of joy and love
but only a poem
of terrible end
sorrow and love
i can create
i read revalation
and call you
how can i deny
that if you die
forever and never
shall be

goodbye one last
i hope God will
change your cold heart
repent of your past
present and future
come to your Lord
knees and tears
my poem, my pray

I died and my life
is in him
onlyy a God could
explain where i've come
only God can change
your heart
no word of mine
not me but him
and open arms
he waits
waited for me
and now you

i will continue
to write and call
and visit
as serious as death
you stand
if death came near
would forever
not be never

written july 2006

Praise Our God for he is Good!

Only He can make rain fall on a sunny day

"Who am I"

I was born on April 1st, 1986 and yes that is April fool’s Day, which is part of me because on this day people make extra effort to laugh and to make others laugh. This is a goal of mine, well maybe not a goal but it just kind of happens. Maybe because I try to embrace life, enjoy life! When you enjoy life you can’t help but smile and can’t help but not care what others think. That is why I’m often found in funny situations, like when cleaning my room or whenever I do any kind of clean up I always end up wearing what I find. If it just be a big hat, belt and cape so be it or maybe it is Mardi Gras decorations, or maybe crepe paper, or whatever, I try to have fun in times that often we don’t, like cleaning or waiting in line or before class or walking somewhere or hanging out with friends. I’m the girl that is often found dancing in the rain, singing in the shower, skipping to class, chasing squirrels, laughing in the Cafeteria when she is found shouting out “Abra – Ham” while holding up a piece of ham, and so the laughter goes on. But it isn’t all about laughing for laughter is too much of an attention getter and that is why I really like to smile even more. Smiling at people everywhere and attempting to have a moment with a random stranger as we smile at each other. Changing a person’s frown to a smile or even just a grin makes me smile more. It isn’t about me it is about the smile and the joy of life, if it be me or somebody else or both, that is what I love. I love children when they are just glowing with that innocent smile, they love life. I love seeing older couples smiling at each other because you know, that smile isn’t fake, that smile comes from hardship and struggles and a genuine love of life together! That leads me to the other part of me the hearty and more deep part, I too have gone through hard times. Those times when you just can’t smile for real and you just don’t have to. The times when all I can do is cry myself to sleep, the times when even the love of a dog when it licks my hand doesn’t lift my heart, these are the times when I think I really grow as an individual. I have to chose to lift my head, seek help in whatever form it maybe (doctors, therapy, medication or the hug of a friend) and see the hope. Joy! Not instantly but from every struggle and trial comes joy, not to be confused with the word “happy” because from my point of view Joy doesn’t mean laughter and smiles, it means embracing life, being thankful. Every second here is a gift of grace from God.

I was born again September 24, 2004. That day my “Who am I” story changed. My identity is now in Him. I am a daughter of God, I’m promised an eternal life with my creator, savior, king and father. I’m promised a life that will never be apart from his love, even during the hard times. I’m promised purpose in life because he has a good plan for me. I’m promised an ever-present helper and the list goes on. My passions are even deeper and my enjoyments in life are more satisfying because I enjoy them with Him. I love running even more because I can pray and talk to him every time and in the mornings I can look at His sunrises. I love the outdoors everything from wind and rain to the grass and trees to the eagle and the grasshopper. I love just going for hikes and bike rides or just sit out and look at the clouds and rustle of the leaves by day and the stars and moon by night. Before I go to bed ever since I was a little girl I would just stare out my window it has always been calming and a comfort as though somebody is watching over me and now I know it to be true. I love movies with friends that make you cry and/or laugh hysterically. I love music that makes me dance or calms me to a peace that leaves me reflecting upon my king. I love hugs from a friend you haven’t seen in a long time. I love driving to the airport to drop off/pick up a friend. I love to look into people’s eyes especially when they are sharing a passion because you can see the joy in their eyes. I love road trips with friends across the country; the past 2 years I have gone to Iowa City twice, New Mexico, Missouri and Louisiana twice. I love bugs and am excited to take entomology in the spring. I am currently colleting playing cards one card at a time until I have a full 52 card deck of random cards and random stories of where they were found. My middle toe is longer than all the rest which always reminds me that I am an unique individual so embrace it. We are all different and that is beautiful. We are all a story that should be read but right now we are writing it…

Pray for Randy

Thank you God for a story that one can clearly say was from you. Only through your power and bigness could it have happened. Last night I was tired and sore but part of me thought I should go distribute papers for the student voice, so I went. Prayer, assignments, go!

Our team got a map and a list, but wait one of the buildings wasn't on the map but it was on the list, odd! I was sent off to the animal sciences building and the the microbology (not on the map so I had no idea where to go) I thought maybe it was next to the animal sciences building but it wasn't. Now it is night so nobody is around and there are no maps. But by God's will there was this man in the distance and so I asked and sure enough he knew! Since it was on the way to his car he walked with me.

He told me that is baby daughter just went of to college and I told him that I have an idea how it feels because when I left it was hard on my dad as well, for I was the baby girl in the family as well. Instantly he was grateful. He told me alot, especially about his website, which I'll post on here at the bottom. It is a art site, graphic art. It's purpose is to encourage especially those who have lost a loved one. He started it 2 years ago without any knowledge of technical art, but he was burdened to put together this site. He was a man of passion to help those in pain.

To top it off he is a Christian and shared his gratitude for the cross. Seeing this as an hour that was planned by God I asked him for prayer request. Pray that Randy keeps up this sort of ministry for though he knows it has helped many it is hard to do it and he often gets discouraged. Pray for his son, Ben, that he would return to the Lord.

Thank you God for Randy and for the opportunity to be used by you to encourage a brother.

www.desertsnow.org

Our Maker and Lover

I'm not much of a creationist or much of a romantic but one doesn't have to be one to see God's glory all around. What started out as a sort of depressing walk because I began to feel as though my world was slowly crumbling and during the summer I didn't notice. But wait I told myself as I found myself slowly slipping from the truth of God's power and goodness, but wait...don't let Satan have a foot hold on you or those you love...hold to your Rock!...Okay God I'm speechless but you know my heart you know where I'm taking my mind...stop me, help oh merciful and loving God, I choose you...I Love You and You Love Me! The two metal bands around my finger remind me of this...There is victory in you, I've seen it, I know it, I really know and believe...Your Cross! My sins are forgiven, you bought me, you died for me...The cross around my neck oh as a reminder of this truth, there is, there is victory in you...Oh and there is more, for the Godhead is three...Holy Spirit I know you are there, I feel you moving inside, sometimes very faintly and sometimes very strongly, you are there I know! Guide me oh God!

And so as I was walking from my dorm to the forest that so many times before has been a place for me to meet God. The mist in the air to some was an odd sort of thing but it has always been a favorite, so I know it was no coincidence. I love to walk in mist and rain for I feel more connected with God. Getting to the forest I just stopped and started feeling the pine needles of this one tree. Odd sort of thing if you grab for it you get pricked and don't successfully grab a hold of it but if you sweep your hand the direction of the needles it flattens out and you find your self holding and petting this branch. On to a different pine tree, it had different needles and they were more stiff but the same idea. I began touching every leave as I looped my self through the forest. Each tree was different and each leaf was different. It was amazing to think that God made each different like that. He determined the size of the leaf, the feel, the type, the number of ripples(veins), what else was on the tree(fruit, flowers, cotton). God did this and even greater still is he made each of us even more complex than these trees, wow...my creator...every mole on my skin known, every vein, every hair, every wrinkly crease, every cell...WOW!

Even more amazing to me is not so much that he knows how many hairs are on my head but that he knows every tear that I shed, he knows every time my heart sinks, he knows every sorrow, every pain, every struggle...every joy, every smile, oh every smile, every sunny moment, every laugh, every love...he knows all and loves all. He is as gentle as a leaf that catches a raindrop and as patient as a hand that waits for every raindrop/tear that falls. He is gently waiting for his children, each one to run to him...Oh what a resting and peaceful thought. Just stop and rest in that peace...(run home)...stop and smell him in the rain, hear him in the birds and the rustle of the wind, taste him in the cold air and the sweet honey of a comb, and see him in the shades of color all around, feel him in the leaves and the raindrops that fall to your skin...Kisses! Close your eyes and feel each drop touch your face...God is in control of each rain drop...kisses from God...if that doesn't brighten your day then ask God to reveal himself to you because he will...really...For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. (Romans 1:20) God is all around even during the darkest nights.

Are you awake?

I reread my blog entry about train whistles this night because right before I shut my eyes for bed I heard that faint but near sound of the train whistle. I instantly thought of my entry about train whistles and how it for me was a sound of fear of God because something in my life wasn't right. But this not the whistle had a different effect, still a sound of fear of God but this time I thought of being on the verge of seeing something glorious. Maybe I'm still on a spiritual high from the summer or maybe the Holy spirit within me is causing my soul to excite for what is to come. "Jesus said to her, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?'" - John 11:40 we will see the glory of God...SEE THE GLORY OF GOD!

the train whistle was like God awaking me, my soul to the idea of his great plan, Oh to see this plan unfold, to be in this plan, to be used by God. It is like God unrolls the map to plan the attack and begins to shout out orders, you go here, you do this...Abra I want you to be here...be on your guard my warriors. "But be on your guard. For they will deliver you over to councils, and you will be beaten in synagogues, and you will stand before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them." - Mark 13:9

Work hard, battling for him, give your all to him, and don't find yourself sleeping and missing it all, I don't want to miss it. "For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night." - 1 Thess 5:2 This very night he could come...Are you awake?

Are you to be pitied or just disappointed?

"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men" - 1 Corinthians 15:19

I never claimed to be much of a writer but when thoughts in verses constantly repeat in my head or when I read something that just leaves me in that moment of speechless ness and awe because your little world was just turned upside down and the containts of your box was dumped on the floor, I just have to write.

Well if you think your box is not very well organized or your world seems a little too plain...give it to God...Oh there is no turning back after that at least I hope. I never heard of amusment park rides going backwards or people driving backwards on a freeway. Once you give your life to GOd be prepared to let go of the stearing wheel and the gas pedal.

Any who, that above verse and John Piper's words in "Desiring God" (A must read) about suffering and pretty mch everything else awoke me, or at least was the poke right before God dumps the bucket of ice water on my head, I can't really tell. But I do know that I'm having to rearrange my box and put everything back in, or not. I guess I'm getting around to throwing away all the trash that was cluttered in my heart and my head.

That leads me to giving up that fleshly part of me that just wants to fit into the world, some don't see me as one who has problems standing out well your wrong, we all do. We all want to fit in, have newest fashion, the newest techno thing, the newest car, the best job, the newest this and that, the best this, the best that...Conforming to the world ( what we shouldn't be doing according to Romans 12) is hard work...but that is what our flesh wants to do...really it is us trying to satisfy that desire God put in us, which we don't realize that he is the piece. We are like the kid trying to put the square block in the circle hole, it doesn't work to well, so then we try the triangle block, still don't work...we need the circle...we need God...Why that seems easy!

That leads me to what poked at my head last night what Travis said during worship night at the Rock, we sometimes wake up forgetting God until much later in the day. When he said that I just thought he was silly and proudly thought to myself I could never forget God...but wait!...we do...I do. So often I just forget about him and I forget about the time it was revealed to me that the circle block goes in the circle hole...that God satisfies us completely!

John 3:29 - Joy complete
1 Thess 5:23 - Sanctify completely
James 1:4 - be complete

What trully brought me to the point of writing my thoughts was this quote in the book I' currently reading (The Burden is Light by Eugenia Price)
"I am either stumbling onto Reality or I'm on my way to a padded cell. It has to be one or the other." She was on the verge of excepting God at this point, she recgnized that if she was going to become a Christian she would have to be a full out disciple not some luke warm only go to church on sundays dead christian. She recognized that God was not just another accessory in our closet, oh no he is the center, the foundation, the core, the rock, where our heart should be beating for, our bones ache for, our souls thirst for, our feet run to, and our voices sing to..."As long as I live I will live for you"..."It all for you, I'm letting go, I'm letting go"..."Jesus You are the reason I live"...The worships songs to ring in me today from last night and so does Paul's words "If only for this life we have hopein Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."

Brothers and sisters what are you living for?
Are you living a life that is to be pitied more than all men if the resurrection wasn't true, if Christ wasn't real?
Do others see God in you? (without the cross around your neck, the ring on your finger, the christiany shirt, the bible verses adorning your room, the bible in your hand) Is your very life reflecting God's Glory?

God be the center

Whenever I go into a store, coffee shop, somebody's house and pretty much any where I find myself envisioning destruction. I see fire engulf items, I see things floating in ten feet high flood waters, I see people left with only the clothes on their back, I see everything destroyed. I can't help it, Going to New Orleans awoke me to the matrialism of this world, of those around me and of my very self. And just like those I met in New Orleans they continue to collect those burnable items, those worldly idols that prevent us from standing before our God with confidence. The whole concept of "It won't happen to me" and "it won't happen again" There is no fear in any of us. I have no fear! I envision destruction all around me but yet I have no fear. I read verses telling me to sell all I have, give up all of me, give up my life, etc. I read about missionaries who God used to do amazing things and all the sacrifices they made and yet they said "I made no sacrifice". I recall my summer and which I lived in a run down B and B, endured the daily hot and humid weather, had to share a room and a bed, eat with plastic siverware, walked to work, had only enough clothes to last me a week and a half, I was rarely allowed to go off by myself, worked until my arms ached, ate the same thing every week and so on. THe kicker is I miss that life I miss how in sense it was easy to trust God because it was your only option. I had to find joy in him because there wasn't much that my flesh found fun, I had to find love in him so I could stand living with that many people for 10 weeks, I had to find contentment in him because my flesh was never going to find it. I had to trust in him, but now I'm back..."cultural shock" some might say..yeah! Because like that believer from China said about America we can get by without God...in a sense it is harder to trust God when at home I can eat all I want, I can sleep in my own room, I can watch whatever I want on tv or whatever movie, I can go shopping and get any clothes I want, I can just turn up AC when I get hot, I can sit on my bum all day, I can do and go anywhere I want without God! That is scary! The temptations are so close and the devil is trying hard to bring us along in life not realizing until we get to the moment before God when he judges all we have done and all we have to bring to him is a closet full of clothes, a fast red sports car, a fridge of tasty delights, a bank account full of numbers and a heart of stone.

You read this and your bones shake but then what, you listen to the revival hymn finding your breath quicken then what, you see the world and the lost in the eyes of God then what, you stop your sinning for 30 minutes or maybe a couple hours and then forget how your heart ached for what God's heart aches for then what? Then what? God I pray that our hearts change, that you move in us for only you God can mold my heart.

More Churches on Overland, not Franklin

Have you ever found yourself on the course of Romans 7, stuck in that rut of wanting to follow God but your flesh powerfully is preventing you? Your mind is constantly wandering and your heart is tangled in sin, you just want to shout out "Victory!". This road is not a good one to be travelling down. Unless you let go and give God the wheel and get back on track you will only find yourself traveling farther and farther away from him and his real victory. Read on to Romans 8 and God's unseen brillant "Good" plan for your life. I don't know if I spoke clearly but I didn't hold this truth back, this revelation that may not be as important to you as it was to me. We all struggle with sin and trusting God with our lives.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 (Carved into a wooden plague at my grandma's house, who knows how many times I saw it and read it but until God touched my heart it remained just another grandmaish decoration. It still remains another grandmish decoration but at the right moment in time it reminded me the truth of the cross. Check with God that you are still on the "good" road)

The day Germany lost to Texas in soccer

Today started with a ring on my doorbell, an odd sort of thing when you are mid-dream. My eyes open on the way to the door to find one of the cutest girls in my world. The next door neighbor Carissa, 7 years blonde blue eye aka 'Munchkin', greets me with much excitement to weed the garden. Quickly getting dressed and grabbing breakfast I pray a quick prayer for the day. I don't know how the next 5 hours glorified God but I know they did. We weeded, drank water, swung on a swing where I won the game, ate popsicles, rode bikes to the depot to look at orange fish and climb rocks, we rode back, played soccer where I(Germany in honor of Chris and Dave and their soccer tournaments) lost to a 7 year old Carissa and a 8 year old boy (They were Texas because I guess that is another country!), ate another popsicle, played baseball, played massive neighborhood hide and seek, played chase the new neighbor dog around a tree and the day ended with me staring at the tv for that instant satisfication that I once got before but now brought me not even an ounce of enjoyment. THat wasn't my whole day but it was the main chunck of it because when I come home, I come home to serve and love my family but also to spend time with and love on my 2 little neighbor girls. THey are apart of my life, a blessing from God.

Just a thought

'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us' - 1 John 4:12

That connects with 1 Peter 1:8 that we memorized yesterday. The love for God when we don't see hi. This 1 John opens up that idea of glimpses of heaven, glimpses of God. We all so desperately want to see him and that is a godly, biblical desire but let us not miss out on what God has for us in the mean time. His love is made complete in us. He has given us each other not so much as a substitute but as a part of him. God is here with us, we in a sense can see, touch, hear...His love is around us, in us, and with us. Awe...It is like when my dad us to bake cakes and to make sure the layers were the same and everything was smooth he would cut of pieces of cake. And of course we could eat these pieces. We enjoyed them very much, we still got cake later and the cake later was the best because there was more and icing. But those scrapes were so good. It's like God's love, its not time for us to go home yet and enjoy all of God face to face. But he cuts off those pieces of himself to let us enjoy until we get to the full thing. He wants us to enjoy all of him. Let us not throw those scraps away. We can enjoy both, aka all of Him...'God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'

God Love, Love God

What do cotton balls, snow, cotton candy and flour have in common?

It's not a joke, its the only way I can explain the beauty that God just blessed me with. I have been praying and striving so much to love God and see his love for me. So on my flight from Denver to Salt Lake I was half concious but I know it wasn't a dream. The plane flew through a cloud and not just one little one, a mass of cloud, a city/ kingdom of clouds. I thought I was in Heaven or atleast on the way. It was dark in spots at first but then we would break through and you could see the sun and the light stretched forever. THe city of clouds was just like those four things above. Imagine a hill land covered in snow (covered to the point where you can't see anything else). Now cover that with the shape of a million giant cotton balls. Imagine seeing parts of the city look like mounds of flour like when you pile it up for baking(or playing!) Toss into the sky of this city strips of white stuff like when you pull of chunks of cotton candy. It is all the purest white you can imagine and the light of the sun touches it all with that warm heavenly light. It was a gift from God that I hope I never forget. On top of that he gave a glimpse of a sunset from above, think about it because I can't even explain it.

Witnessing this brought so much joy and peace to my heart. I sat and thought about his love for us, for me. The verse that John and I talked about and then memorized came to mind. "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." - 1 Peter 1:8 He gave me this gift but yet I still have yet to see him. I thought about some of the best gifts I've gotten and how I know which gift was given by whom. The best gifts aren't as important as the person that gave it to me. It's my love for them that I cerish most. So stop and imagine and think about how much we enjoy and delight in the gifts God gives us. Clouds, sunsets, stars, mountains, grass, breezes, lighting, rain, etc. See it, we cherish God more! Do you see it? I love all these things so much and have spent so much time just looking and staring and aweing over them. "...let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" - Heb 12:28-29 I love this God of mine, I REALLY DO!

An older male version of myself 2 years ago

We went out sharing for the 4th of July last night.

The first and only man we talked to was me! Yes?

He was this nice man, about 50's I would guess, from California but he had sort of an Irish accent. I asked him who Jesus Christ is to him and he replied that he didn’t believe in God. He said he wasn’t a religious man and has never been to church. More questions later found out that his mom was very religious and made him pray, he never liked it. His beliefs are only in what he sees in the since that you can’t see God so he doesn’t exist. He believed that when we die we die just like the trees and just go back into the dirt. There seemed to be a lot of hurt and anger. Because he asked how a loving God could allow the hurricane to happen and allow all the deaths in Iraq. But when we asked what he thought about a just God he didn’t respond. He mentioned that this world was hell and so we asked him where was heaven then and he instantly stopped talking to us. So we said goodbye and wished him the best.

He reminded me of myself because I use to think that the idea of a God was silly and that people devoted so much time to something that you couldn’t see. I also thought that there was no afterlife and like this man said we just die like a tree dies. My heart just really went out to this man. And our God is a faithful and loving God so I know this man will be in heaven! God changed my heart and so I know he will change this man’s heart.

Our faithful God

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I gave it to God in the morning and made it a point to keep him in my day and sure enough he did, showing himself to me when I asked. THe first answer to prayer was when a few of us prayed in the morning one of the girls here prayed that her family's tv would break so that when she would go home at the end of summer, she would beable to talk to her parents. Sure enough her dad talked to her an hour later and his tv broke. I jumped a foot when I heard because God showed us that he is faithful!

So before I left for work I prayed that I would be done by 5:30 because that is when our shift ends, but lately we have had work loads that keep us later and it is my first day back from being sick. It was a request that could only happen by God's hand. I got my board, all checkouts and vacants!(=hard) But I gave it to God. It started as a discouraging day because I didn't seem to be getting much done. But I knew God would be faithful to me. Lunch didn't sit to well in my stomach but I knew God wanted me to work the whole day because I prayed for that the night before and so I prayed for the pain to go away, he was faithful.

Around 2:30 a suprivisor came and told me Amy was sick and so for some of her occupies they crossed out some of my vacants! Yes because occupies take less time. But they were on different floors so I thought it would be more of a hassle. I didn't have keys to them so I called down and had to wait a few minutes for somebody to tell me to go to security to get them, only for them to direct me to my suprivisors. There I couldn't find anybody but The keys were there. It was discouraging but I knew what seemed like a waste of time was going to work out in the end. Sure enough God was faithful. The first occupy was a do not disturb, the next one all they wanted was bed made and more towels (oh and that was a suite which are bigger and so normally take longer!) I went to the next floor for the last of the rooms I got from Amy. On the landing GOd blessed me with face towels that I needed all day! and that room was an easy clean and had left a tip (a little gift from God) So I got back to my floor and worked by faith.

About 5:00 I started my second to last room. I prayed to God that he was a faithful God and I trust him that I will be done by 5:30 I don't know how but I know he is faithful (it normally takes an half hour a room) I went to drop off the laundry from that room and 2 of my sisters appeared, what a blessing from God) So the 3 of us cranked out those 2 rooms and I was done by 5:30! God worked in other little ways but I just had to share that story because all praises go to him and we all need to be reminded that our God is a faithful God!

A Letter to my fellow Saints

I'm writing to you an update on how we are doing in New Orleans. Physically we are on a rise after a major fall here. The neuro virus, at least that is what we have decided it is, hit us pretty bad. It started with one girl bringing it back from her workplace and it quickly spread in a matter of days half of us that is 30 people were sick with stomach pains and diarrhea! Now there are only about 15 or so that just have minor aches but are unable to eat other foods then what is on the BRAT diet, mmmm!!! Pray that the sicknesses completely die and we regain complete strength.

Emotionally it was way exciting for the Smith D-Team here because Chris, Eddie and Liz arrived. Great fun has been had but Liz only stayed for a little more than a week but being honoring to your parents was calling her back to Wyoming. She was actually very lucky because the next week was the sick week! And just 2 nights ago Lesley arrived for the week. It's like a Dream! That is what I said because her walking around here is like one of those dreams where somethings just don't seem to fit, but wait all dreams are like that! Anyway it is way encouraging for her to be here along with a bunch of folks from Brandon Pullen's small group.

Spiritually we need a blast of Holy Spirit to reunite us and an get us back on track on what God has planned for us here. There are many conversations to come, BBQs to put on, houses to gut, workplaces to outreach to, teachings to come, and many prayers to go out. With all of them we need from God the faith to believe that they will all be glorifying to God.

Keep us in your prayers, for you are in ours.

New Orleans Update

I thought I would write a New Orleans update.

We left in 3 plutons on Saturday to get to New Orleans and all arrived Sunday safely, except one deer how was hit and killed. It was an encouraging ride for me, I got to know others quite well and better than my greyhound ride I actually got to drive, YES! 8 more people arriived last night and there ares still a few to come.

We eat our meals under a tent that only seats 30 or so, there are 61 of us. But it all works out because we don't all eat at the same time. The food has been great and the 2 girls in charge of it has just made a wonderful schedule, and are providing for those with special diatary restrictions. Cheap, healthy and good meals.

THe weather is hot, but not hot. All day the temperature is roughly the same, it is the humitity that makes it feel so much hotter. A little sweat didn't kill nobody.

Like any warm humide day the mosquitos are out. Every day one gets new red spotted friends somewhere on them, it is sort of like an adventure finding them all. Yesterday God taught me a lesson of not being prideful. I was talking to somebody about mosquito bites and they were telling me about a couple they had on their feet. I pridefully said that I never get them on my feet. That day I got 12 on my feet alone, God smacked me with a hammer!

THe girls are taking over on building, which is only qwo floors with 2-3 girls in each room and 2 bathrooms for each floor. Each room is complete with a queen size bed and if necessary a cot.

THe boys are scattered about three different floors, I tihnk. At first they didn't have air conditioning and were sleeping on the floor or a cot. I'm not exactly sure what their living situation is but the joy that flows out of them is a blessing.

That leads me to my next point, Complaining once again the spirit of God is working through everybody here because I have not heard one complaint. For me living here has been a blast.

Train whistles

The train whistle haunts me. Not like a ghost or a foe. More like when something in your life isn’t right and God is trying to get your attention. Most are waiting and eager to hear the trumpet of God’s return but before the trumpet must come the train whistle. Maybe it’s just me but I hear it all the time, maybe I’ve lost my mind but I will stand by my belief that there is something in that train whistle. A sign of hope, more like a sign of fear, fear of God. In deaf culture a common idiom is “Train Gone” which means you’re basically out of the loop. The fear of being out of the loop with God scares me. I know he will never forsake me but I know there are areas in my life that need his guidance, need his holy touch, need his breath of grace, and need to be brought forth to his throne. I bring things to the alter, but when I leave I take them with me; I don’t leave them at his throne. Something that I know I’m not the only one guilty of. So after this revelation what do I do? Humble myself before him!

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” – Matthew 23:12

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” – James 4:7-10

“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” – Psalm 25:9

Stop

Stop and smell the roses
Stop and look at them
Stop and see their joy
Stop and see their pain
Stop and see their lost
Stop and see their going

Just stop and see
It is so easy to be
Caught in you
And not sky blue

He is all round
Waiting to be found
But the rush of life
Masks the knife

If only we knew
To stop and let only him rule
Stop your heart from sinning
Stop your mind from wandering
Stop your feet from moving
Stop and let him guide

Why wait to fall
Why wait to burn
Why wait for you
Cause it will be too late
So why do you wait?

You already have

So why not try
one branch to two
Attempt the sky
and it's deep blue

The faith to take steps by your will
for the certainty of unknown
directs me to pray and be still
To see the rainbow of thy throne

a Lesson in God's Power

This is part of a letter I had to write in regard to an event in my life I chose to post it for there was a valuable lesson that I learned through this.

I have come to a deeper understanding of what went on Tuesday Feb 21st. Despite what others might believe I was actually in control of the situation. I could have at any point in time stopped but I thought it was helping me release feelings and frustrations I was having about my mental health and all of the events that lead up to my current state of mind. These feelings and frustrations came out in a some what violent and out of the ordinary way. Along with fighting my frustrations I was fighting God in the sense that I was angry that he hadn’t healed me yet. The biggest realization was the joy and peace that was found that I had forgotten. After fighting and struggling I eventually grew tired and unable to continue the struggle. I finally made the choice to stop. In tears I realized that one can’t win at a fight with God but that my walls of pride had to fall down. In tears because of God’s unfailing love for me I once again surrendered my pain and my mental struggles to him. Only he can heal me. I can’t fight this fight on my own. “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.” Colossians 1:29 I need his strength and guidance as well as the guidance he gives to those saints around me who too are filled with the Holy Spirit. He loves me and many others in my life love me as well and for that I am thankful.

God is sovereign in my life and so even though this was nerve rattling for me and many others I am rejoicing. “Sorrowful yet always rejoicing.” – 2 Cor. 6:10 My life is in his hands and so whatever trials that are still to come he will still be there with me. If one is not a believer this may not sound like there is much hope for I am saying that harder struggles have yet to occur. But saying that I am in the Lord’s hands is actually a message of deep love and hope.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength” – Nehemiah 8:10

Surrender and renew

I try to run and I try to hide
But you promise to never leave my side

Your love is so kind
And I am so undesevering
This plagues my mind
How you could be so unswerving

My pace quickens
My heart skips a beat
My grip tightens
My soul begins to retreat

But it is not until the tears fall
That on my knees I send out a call

O Lord only you
Will satisfy
Through and through
To you I die

Alone on the tracks
I renew my vow
Can finally relax
As I joyfully bow

"Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth." - Psalm 31:5

Ugly Duckling

Have you ever read the story of the ugly duckling? I think every kid has but when was the last time you read it? I picked up to day when I was waiting for a meeting to start. It is my story! Hopefully yours too!

I was born to 2 unbelievers and grew up always feeling like I didn't belong. I grew up desiring to find what I was looking for and to have friends that truly liked/loved me. Like the duckling I left the old farm in search of a place were I would fit in. In search of my identity. I was found by God and he revealed to me that I am an ugly duckling to this world but to him I was a swan! Our identity in him is the most beautiful of all.

The Ugly Duckling
Once upon a time down on an old farm, lived a duck family, and Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs. One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings. But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck couldn't recall laying that seventh egg. How did it get there? TOCK! TOCK! The little prisoner was pecking inside his shell.

"Did I count the eggs wrongly?" Mother Duck wondered. But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. The ducklings grew quickly, but Mother Duck had a secret worry.

"I can't understand how this ugly duckling can be one of mine!" she said to herself, shaking her head as she looked at her last born. Well, the gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he was outgrowing them. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so
clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him.

"Poor little ugly duckling!" she would say. "Why are you so different from the others?" And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.

"Nobody loves me, they all tease me! Why am I different from my brothers?"

Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. "Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine?" But everyone shook their heads in scorn.

"We don't know anyone as ugly as you." The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question. What's more, they warned him: "Don't stay here! Go away! It's dangerous. There are men with guns around here!" The duckling was sorry he had ever left the farmyard.

Then one day, his travels took him near an old countrywoman's cottage. Thinking he was a stray goose, she caught him.

"I'll put this in a hutch. I hope it's a female and lays plenty of eggs!" said the old woman, whose eyesight was poor. But the ugly duckling laid not a single egg. The hen kept frightening him.

"Just wait! If you don't lay eggs, the old woman will wring your neck and pop you into the pot!" And the cat chipped in: "Hee! Hee! I hope the woman cooks you, then I can gnaw at your bones!" The poor ugly duckling was so scared that he lost his appetite, though the old woman kept stuffing him with food and grumbling: "If you won't lay eggs, at least hurry up and get plump!"

"Oh, dear me!" moaned the now terrified duckling. "I'll die of fright first! And I did so hope someone would love me!"

Then one night, finding the hutch door ajar, he escaped. Once again he was all alone. He fled as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. "If nobody wants me, I'll hid here forever." There was plenty a food, and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds wing overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south.

"If only I could look like them, just for a day!" said the duckling, admiringly. Winter came and the water in the reed bed froze. The poor duckling left home to seek food in the snow. He dropped exhausted to the ground, but a farmer found him and put him in his big jacket pocket.

"I'll take him home to my children. They'll look after him. Poor thing, he's frozen!" The duckling was showered with kindly care at the farmer's house. In this way, the ugly duckling was able to survive the bitterly cold winter.

However, by springtime, he had grown so big that the farmer decided: "I'll set him free by the pond!" That was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water.

"Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself!" The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of their kind, and soon made friends.

"We're swans like you!" they said, warmly. "Where have you been hiding?"

"It's a long story," replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: "Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!"

And he almost burst with happiness.