Rock Retreat there and back...

This past weekend I was in Winter Park with 14 of my dearest D-Team members and many other wonderful brothers and sisters.

I wish I had an amazing blog entry to write but all I want to do is say that I'm very thankful for the glimpse of God's beauty, the resting time, the deep messages, the fresh air, the company and the breaking of my heart, soul and pure brokenness that was very much needed. I still don't know all that changed in me and those around me but the most obvious is my desire to read God's word and keep him with me through out the day and at the center of every descison that comes my way.

It was a time to reflect on where my heart was and was going. I found my self thirsting for real worship, real love, real devotion, real trust and real dependence. Just listen and rest God told me and that is when he revealed himself to me. The best thing to hear for my faith is that my faith isn't and shouldn't be dependent on the answer. We are called to ask and expect good, the answer is God's job. I pray for salvations and expect them to happen, God works out the when and how. Give the ball to God with expectation that he will return good.

My heart still has many cold and hard parts that need God's holy touch,...in time

Oh Peter!

I finished 1 Peter and so here are some thoughts from the end.

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:5-11)

v.5-7 let us all humble ourselves so that grace will be given and in that we shall see this grace bestowed on each of us. Let us not lose sight of grace, of the grace to be given to us.
v.8-9 Resist Satan and his lies, let us all stand firm together in Christ for you and me and all our brothers/sisters are suffering too. But remember this is a good thing though our fleshy sight can't perceive it as such.
v.10-11 what is meant by a 'little while' for even Peter I don't think knows, but God does and promises...you will be restored for God's glory to make you strong, firm and steadfast.

If I had not suffered for more than a year of depression I would not have been so joy-filled, life-embracing, God trusting, and thankful for each of you as I am today. If I had not suffered through planter-fasciitis and my freak bruise a couple summers ago and my struggles with running I would not love it as much as I do now, I would not be as thankful for God granting desires. If I had not along with 60 brothers and sisters undergone suffering of sickness, heat, mockery and what not I would not be as close to God as I am now. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart 2 years ago I would not be running with you now. If I had not denied myself and took up my cross daily I would not be where I am today. Oh praise God for his abundant grace and love. What he has done in us and what he will do today, tomorrow, this weekend, this semester, this year...

with kisses and love I end this
"greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ" - 1 Peter 5:14

Yes I have a website!

For my Education class I had to create a website for my Web Quest. So if you go to it don't get too excited there is nothing of real fun. But soon I'll turn this into my own website, maybe! check it out at http://mycahs.cahs.colostate.edu/abra.s.mcgillivary/

Excitement and fear

That is what is filling me up until the Rock Retreat and there after. In fact everyday that I wake up and pray that today be God's day a feeling of excitement and a feeling of fear consumes me. When you give God the reins to your life you know it will be a ride that your Spirit will love and through his hands up in the air on the roller coaster and your flesh will tremble and barf has it holds on for dear life wishing that it would stop. But if you give God everything that means that the excitement and fear won't stop. Your flesh will have to let go and yes fall out and die. It's a sad tale for the flesh but I shall have no remorse for its death, sick? NO!

I'm excited that God will work and me and show himself to me but I'm afraid because I know I will have to say no to things, I will have to change my life and I will have to live a life that to a worldly person is dreadful. But I shall rejoice. I don't know what God wants to change in me but my prayer is that this next weekend I will be transformed and won't turn back. My life I pray from this moment on will be a life of praise and devotion, Obedience and rejoicing, death and life, brokenness and restoration, dependent and satisfying; May this life be completely held by God's Sovereign Will.

Pray this for me and for everybody else that is going.

Childlike faith once again

I love going to the church Wednesday nights to babysit. You get to play, Eddie gives a lesson, Mrs. Richard does her mother thing so you learn to parent and get this you get to pray with the cutest kids. Not to mention being humbled by kds who know more than you, they maybe small and young but man they are solid in their faith don't overlook a child who follows Jesus.

There is this new family that has 4 beautiful girls. Laura is the youngest and to guess an age I would say 2-3 but I'm not very sure. She is so cute that she gets away with talking while Eddie is teaching even though Mrs. Richard tries to keep her quiet. But when she answered one of the questions last night with the biggest grin, "Jesus!" Your heart melts because she simple knows Jesus loves her. She was also the first to pray, "Thank you for this day and help us get to airport in Mexico" A little slower and more jumbled. That is childlike faith. According to her sister that is what she has been praying everyday for the last few weeks. Their family is planning on taking a trip to Mexico in a couple weeks and so she has been praying for that.

She made me giggle during prayer and also made me think. Do I have childlike faith? To ask and persist in asking knowing that God will answer my prayer. A child trusts their parents to feed them, clothe them, and protect them. God is our Father so won't he do the same. We ask for financial help he will answer, we ask him to not only kiss our pains away but heal them, we ask for knowledge he grants, we ask for salvation of those so dear to us he will move and draw them...

humble, persistent and trusting we come to him in prayer...

either quickly as with Eliezer(Genesis 24:12-20), abundantly as with Solomon (1 Kings 3:3-14), in time as with Mary and Martha (John 11:1-6), with sufficient grace and power as with Paul (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, with strength from an angel as with Jesus (Luke 22:39-46)...he will answer

to that which will give him the most amount of glory!

In Christ Alone - Newsboys

Amazing lyrics:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

the flesh is nothing and fear is nothing

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." - 1 Peter 3:6

DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!

When God calls you to do something, do it. Out of love, out of obedience.

"Be self-controlled and alert. YOur enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5:8

Don't let him he has no hold.

Childlike faith

Nathan spoke for the first time this friday on the promises of God. Starting and ending with the concept...Trust like a Child

Thursday I took a day off, not to sleep in and watch tv and eat junk food but a day of rest, personal retreat that was needed. It was nice to just stop and listen to God, not as easy as it sounds.

One place I went was a where the Poudre river meets Shields. This location was where I was baptized 2 years ago and I haven't been there since I was baptized. I've been meaning to go and find it just for sentimental reasons.

I got there and all the memories flooded back to me. I remember walking barefoot to and from the spot, I remmeber walking down the bank, I remember the rock that shooted out of the water, I remember the cold water, I remember praying to God shortly before it happened. I'm not sure exactly when I knew that my sins were paid but I knew then, when I prayed I knew for real that in my heart I was saved cross, resurrection and life. I remember all the brothers and sisters that came and I remember the hot chocolate afterswards before passing out.

THe real point of this entry is that that spot reminded me of the first days of my walk, the first weeks, the first months. I knew I was thirsty for God, I wanted to know everything there was to know. I read and read, I asked questions, I listened to everybody around me. I was soaking up as much as I could. My child like faith made me so hungry and trusting.

But here I am again realizing that I know so little of my savior and that I need so much more. Here I find myself having to review the simple truths that God really did send his son for me and that I'm called by God. Here I am asking for childlike faith to crave and believe in every promise and truth. Here I am asking for the boldness to proclaim your name as I so quickly did the first moments of my walk.

May we all humble ourselves and look to God as our Father who cares for us, who loves us with a love that sends his son to the cross for us. I want to trust like a child and have the faith like a child.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:15