Friday if you saw me past 5 , was the hardest point. Like Megan said on the hike yesterday "Just imagine how great the reward will be at the end, if the last part wasn't the steepest it wouldn't be as rewarding" That thought reminded me of my broken self Friday night. Friday was such a weary day, with all the packing and not to mention everyone was slowly leaving. I felt like my world was crumbling down. The past week I was drifting from God and so even though we are promised that he is always there I felt too far and so as my world was falling I was falling too. I just wanted a sturdy rock to stand on. Because on top of this all I was having doubts on whether to go to Seattle. Back and forth I went. I just wanted the ground to stop shaking. I finshed with the room and checked out but still I was not at peace. As tears flooded my face I was comforted by many but that resulted in just more tears because I was going to be far from them, shortly. The tears stopped about half an hour before the Rock but once the worship songs started I was back in tears. I don't remember all the songs but they all spoke to me, I found myself praying to God for comfort. I was then reminded of the prayer I made that morning that like the song says "not from pain, sorrow or care, freedom dare I claim" So there I was in the deepest sorrow I have had, But finally finding Joy and peace with God. Like a loving sister reminded me of "May the God ofhope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" - Romans 15:13. After crashing at a friends house, falling asleep to a chic flick and waking up after a wonderful sleep, My tired eyes were still a little sore but I was joyful. Even though I didn't go to Seattle God was not disappointed with me, I was joyful.
Now I'm at Michele's house. Helping her clean up for a Graduation Party for her brothers and going on hikes and runs. And since I won't ever be free from pain until Heaven, I sit here with a sore butt, quads and of course my aching heals but I'm thankful.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
A surprise lesson and an answered prayer all in one
About a week ago I was scrolling through my small group pictures planning to pick out goofy faces to use for something. The thought came to my head "Slide show". Monika's friend CLaire had just visited and had showed us where Windows Movie Maker was. So I started what I thought would be a short little movie that would take maybe a couple hours. Instead it turned into a multiple day project. I ended up making a 30 minute movie.
Wasted time, not quite.
Making this movie first reminded myself of a flaw I didn't think I had and then helped me correct it. Patience. I always thought I had a ton of patience. This past month I've been realizing as soon as the thought crosses my mind that I don't have a particular flaw, God shortly reminds me that I infact have such said flaw. Patience, I discovered, I lack. When making the movie because my computer doesn't have enough memory to handle such a large project, it often crashed which means if you didn't save you are going to have to redo somethings. It crashed many times and I got really frustrated. It was also slow at doing what seemed to me, small tasks. After a couple crashes I learned that I have no patience. But I found peace. "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10" I would count slowly when it was taking for ever. I also saved quite often.
Patience is important because there is no point in freaking out over something that you have no control over. I also discovered that patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit, an overlooked fruit I might say. Patience not only in everyday life but also with God. I've waited for God's response many times before. "Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" We are promised patience. Even though I'm still not that patient I atleast realized another one of my flaws that Christ covers up, thank you.
It's funny that the lesson I learned before my answered prayer was patience because that is what I needed. I've been waiting many weeks. I prayed that God would put desires on my heart so that I could have some direction in my life. While making the movie I discovered a desire to make movies, not box office movies but little movies like for my small group. I don't know how it might play a role in my life but I can diffently see the potential that this desire be used to glorify God. In fact at prayer this morning they showed a little slideshow thing. I could help the church make slide shows. On sunday we watched a movie about a program they are going to do this summer for kids. I could help make such movies. I could use this desire in a number of ways.
I know this is a long blog but the simple message is, even though I spent many hours making a 30 minute video that won't last for eternity, I was informed of a human flaw of mine and a desire was revealed. God was working in that time, praise him. Not too mention it was a good fun way to finish the year.
Wasted time, not quite.
Making this movie first reminded myself of a flaw I didn't think I had and then helped me correct it. Patience. I always thought I had a ton of patience. This past month I've been realizing as soon as the thought crosses my mind that I don't have a particular flaw, God shortly reminds me that I infact have such said flaw. Patience, I discovered, I lack. When making the movie because my computer doesn't have enough memory to handle such a large project, it often crashed which means if you didn't save you are going to have to redo somethings. It crashed many times and I got really frustrated. It was also slow at doing what seemed to me, small tasks. After a couple crashes I learned that I have no patience. But I found peace. "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10" I would count slowly when it was taking for ever. I also saved quite often.
Patience is important because there is no point in freaking out over something that you have no control over. I also discovered that patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit, an overlooked fruit I might say. Patience not only in everyday life but also with God. I've waited for God's response many times before. "Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" We are promised patience. Even though I'm still not that patient I atleast realized another one of my flaws that Christ covers up, thank you.
It's funny that the lesson I learned before my answered prayer was patience because that is what I needed. I've been waiting many weeks. I prayed that God would put desires on my heart so that I could have some direction in my life. While making the movie I discovered a desire to make movies, not box office movies but little movies like for my small group. I don't know how it might play a role in my life but I can diffently see the potential that this desire be used to glorify God. In fact at prayer this morning they showed a little slideshow thing. I could help the church make slide shows. On sunday we watched a movie about a program they are going to do this summer for kids. I could help make such movies. I could use this desire in a number of ways.
I know this is a long blog but the simple message is, even though I spent many hours making a 30 minute video that won't last for eternity, I was informed of a human flaw of mine and a desire was revealed. God was working in that time, praise him. Not too mention it was a good fun way to finish the year.
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