Maybe it was because my bones still ached with cold from my morning walk to class or maybe I was just faced with the truth today. This world is a dark, damp and cold place to live. When it is warm it is only an inlusion that this world isn't as bad as it is. But the clouds will cover the sun and then the truth will be revealed. Hatred all around, jealousy as green as the grass that I lay upon, and standards that the most elite will never achieve. They try to convince you that they approve with their fake smiles and yellow stars covering the truth. Deep down they disapprove and expect so much more, expect perfect. I'm sick of trying to polish my silver for their acceptance ,only to watch them shake their heads because the reflection back is not what they want to see. But I am not them, I am from another world. I stand out like the yellow leaves in the trees. Not the same as the rest but that is fine with me because what they see as weaknesses God sees as strengths. For some one who has MANY weaknesses that makes me want to shout with Joy because I can see why I should boast for the LORD.
"The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength" - 1 Samuel 2:4
"The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. 'I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth.'" - Isaiah 51:11-13b
Do you hear, do you see, do you understand if not at least stand in faith with me and others for we are the ones armed with strength, true strength that comes from God. We are on the victorious side. Join brothers and sisters, the LORD is our King!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Walk by faith
for we walk by faith, not by sight. - 1 Cor 5:7
Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him - Col 2:6
"But the life of faith consists in holding within us that which Christ hath put into us, so that Jesus Christ is formed in us the hope of glory. By faith it comes in; by faith it is kept in; faith gives me what I have; keeps what I have; faith makes it mine; faith keeps it mine; faith gets hold of it with one hand, and then clasps it with both hands with a grasp that neither death nor life can loose." CH Spurgeon "Life and Walk of Faith" www.biblebb.com/files/spurgeon/0483.htm (read the sermon yourself)
WE are commanded by God to walk by faith. But what does that mean? I don't fully understand but God has blessed my small search this day. It has been revealed to me that a large part of my semester I have been trying to walk by sight, trusting my feelings. But all my feelings did for me was to send me on a rollercoaster ride with no means of peace and causing me to doubt the many promises given to me. But now looking back to the most joyful times of my walk, when I was walking by faith, when I was trusting completely in him. I try to convince myself that I don't need to smile and that the joy I once had was just a moment of a "spiritual high". Be joyful always - 1 Thes. 5:16 But God commands us to be joyful always. And from a walk of faith comes Joy! This all brings me to a question that was posed by a brother of mine. "How do you exercise your faith?" The answer walk in him.
"Walk implies, first of all, action. Do not let your reception of Christ be a mere thing of thought to you, a subject only for your chamber and your closet, but act upon it all. If you have really received Christ, and are saved, act as if you were saved, with joy, with meekness, with confidence, with faith, with boldness. Walk in him; do not sit down in indolence, but rise and act in him. Walk in him; carry out into practical effect that which you believe." - CH Spurgeon
"We walk by faith, and oh, how sweet
The flowÂ’rs that grow beneath our feet
And fragrance breathe along the way
That leads the soul to endless day.
We walk by faith, but not alone,
Our ShepherdÂ’s tender voice we hear
And feel His hand within our own,
And know that He is always near.
We walk by faith; He wills it so
And marks the path that we should go.
And when, at times, our sky is dim,
He gently draws us close to Him.
We walk by faith divinely blest,
On Him we lean in Him we rest.
The more we trust our ShepherdÂ’s care,
The more His love Â’tis ours to share.
And thus by faith till life shall end
WeÂ’ll walk with Him our dearest Friend.
Till safe we tread the fields of light
Where faith is lost in perfect sight."
- We Walk by Faith, Fanny Crosby (1885)
"Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do"
- Walk by Faith, Jeremy Camp
Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him - Col 2:6
"But the life of faith consists in holding within us that which Christ hath put into us, so that Jesus Christ is formed in us the hope of glory. By faith it comes in; by faith it is kept in; faith gives me what I have; keeps what I have; faith makes it mine; faith keeps it mine; faith gets hold of it with one hand, and then clasps it with both hands with a grasp that neither death nor life can loose." CH Spurgeon "Life and Walk of Faith" www.biblebb.com/files/spurgeon/0483.htm (read the sermon yourself)
WE are commanded by God to walk by faith. But what does that mean? I don't fully understand but God has blessed my small search this day. It has been revealed to me that a large part of my semester I have been trying to walk by sight, trusting my feelings. But all my feelings did for me was to send me on a rollercoaster ride with no means of peace and causing me to doubt the many promises given to me. But now looking back to the most joyful times of my walk, when I was walking by faith, when I was trusting completely in him. I try to convince myself that I don't need to smile and that the joy I once had was just a moment of a "spiritual high". Be joyful always - 1 Thes. 5:16 But God commands us to be joyful always. And from a walk of faith comes Joy! This all brings me to a question that was posed by a brother of mine. "How do you exercise your faith?" The answer walk in him.
"Walk implies, first of all, action. Do not let your reception of Christ be a mere thing of thought to you, a subject only for your chamber and your closet, but act upon it all. If you have really received Christ, and are saved, act as if you were saved, with joy, with meekness, with confidence, with faith, with boldness. Walk in him; do not sit down in indolence, but rise and act in him. Walk in him; carry out into practical effect that which you believe." - CH Spurgeon
"We walk by faith, and oh, how sweet
The flowÂ’rs that grow beneath our feet
And fragrance breathe along the way
That leads the soul to endless day.
We walk by faith, but not alone,
Our ShepherdÂ’s tender voice we hear
And feel His hand within our own,
And know that He is always near.
We walk by faith; He wills it so
And marks the path that we should go.
And when, at times, our sky is dim,
He gently draws us close to Him.
We walk by faith divinely blest,
On Him we lean in Him we rest.
The more we trust our ShepherdÂ’s care,
The more His love Â’tis ours to share.
And thus by faith till life shall end
WeÂ’ll walk with Him our dearest Friend.
Till safe we tread the fields of light
Where faith is lost in perfect sight."
- We Walk by Faith, Fanny Crosby (1885)
"Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do"
- Walk by Faith, Jeremy Camp
Friday, September 23, 2005
Love your neighbor as yourself
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40
commandment - An authoritative indication to be obeyed
It doesn't just merely suggest we follow these two things; God COMMANDS us to. But yet we hold back from fully doing so, from fully completely 2 commandments. Why is it so hard to follow these edicts? I don't know.
I was caught by the second one the most today. During breakfast and my first class it was all I could think about. "Love your neighbor as yourself" The question comes to mind, how do I love myself?
~ Before making any decisions I think how I profit
~ During all situations I consider myself first
~ before doing anything I consider the pros/cons for myself
~ During the day I think about myself
~ when I read a bible verse I contemplate what it has to do with me
~ I try to surround myself with only people I like
~ If I get bored of a conversation I leave
~ I go to things only if I want to
~ I get frustrated when others aren't on time with my schedule, I think my time is more valuable than anybody else
~ I try to fix myself before helping others
~ I want people to listen to me when I have something to say but won't listen to others when they have something to say
~ I want people to care about my passions but I don't care about others'
I could go on but I would just become more disgusted with myself and I would never get around to a solution. The list above aren't all bad but where your heart that is where the problems occur. When you go about the day is your heart on yourself or on the people God wants your heart to me on. I'm no scholar or even a great mind. But I do desire to follow God's commandments. I can't grasp the solution without God so from here I will just pray. A prayer for you and me, a prayer that God will guide us on how to love one another as ourselves, a prayer to left the veil from our eyes, a prayer to continue to recognize our imperfect selves and a prayer to be filled with the spirit at all times.
God Bless my brothers and sisters
Happy Birthday Eddie and Jen
commandment - An authoritative indication to be obeyed
It doesn't just merely suggest we follow these two things; God COMMANDS us to. But yet we hold back from fully doing so, from fully completely 2 commandments. Why is it so hard to follow these edicts? I don't know.
I was caught by the second one the most today. During breakfast and my first class it was all I could think about. "Love your neighbor as yourself" The question comes to mind, how do I love myself?
~ Before making any decisions I think how I profit
~ During all situations I consider myself first
~ before doing anything I consider the pros/cons for myself
~ During the day I think about myself
~ when I read a bible verse I contemplate what it has to do with me
~ I try to surround myself with only people I like
~ If I get bored of a conversation I leave
~ I go to things only if I want to
~ I get frustrated when others aren't on time with my schedule, I think my time is more valuable than anybody else
~ I try to fix myself before helping others
~ I want people to listen to me when I have something to say but won't listen to others when they have something to say
~ I want people to care about my passions but I don't care about others'
I could go on but I would just become more disgusted with myself and I would never get around to a solution. The list above aren't all bad but where your heart that is where the problems occur. When you go about the day is your heart on yourself or on the people God wants your heart to me on. I'm no scholar or even a great mind. But I do desire to follow God's commandments. I can't grasp the solution without God so from here I will just pray. A prayer for you and me, a prayer that God will guide us on how to love one another as ourselves, a prayer to left the veil from our eyes, a prayer to continue to recognize our imperfect selves and a prayer to be filled with the spirit at all times.
God Bless my brothers and sisters
Happy Birthday Eddie and Jen
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Sharing Good News!
You know that rumble in your stomach that you get when God is calling you to do something. A rumble that only comes from your flesh fighting back because if you look at the situation it doesn't make sense to get nervous. I mean you're only going to ask somebody a question, your only going to share with somebody something that causes you to get excited. Why do we get so nervous, because your flesh does not want you to do this. If you pray for courage, God will be faithful. You don't know the reason for your "mission" at the time. When God wants to do something amazing with you, that's when your flesh fights the hardest, at least that's my experience. Lets all prayer for courage to complete what Matthew 28:19 says: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"
Monday, September 19, 2005
Give and Take Away! Thankful either way!
An excerpt from my journal this morning after listening to a speech about how one of my classmates lost her best friend in high school
Maybe just a moving story, but there is a reason that things inside you turn, something about this story touches a part of you. Not quite to tears but that turn of your stomach is there along with a small twitch of the heart. Move on without a small dose of reflection would be a mistake. Sitting here on a cold slab of concrete with the world passing me by all that runs through my mind. 'What would it feel like to lose your best friend?' How much do I appreciate those relationships that surround me. I've never had a best friend but I do have many that are always there to catch a tear, give a warm embrace when I feel so cold, share my joy with and worship together. Where would I be without fellowship? I think of the thoughts I had last night, thinking that my presense isn't worth much but it is, just like the presense of every soul around me is worth so much. To lose one would be a tragedy but do I show this, do I love those around me with all of my heart? Do they feel my embrace outside and inside? Will I recognize their worth once they are gone or will I see it now? Cherish every relationship, every moment for the blessing it is. Will these just be empty words on a page or are these things written on my heart? Our time here is fleeting and so are the relationships that overwhelm me now. Each one a blessing that I don't deserve and without I might lose all hope.
I just want all to know I love you so much and if I could give electronic hugs(that's werid!) I would!
Maybe just a moving story, but there is a reason that things inside you turn, something about this story touches a part of you. Not quite to tears but that turn of your stomach is there along with a small twitch of the heart. Move on without a small dose of reflection would be a mistake. Sitting here on a cold slab of concrete with the world passing me by all that runs through my mind. 'What would it feel like to lose your best friend?' How much do I appreciate those relationships that surround me. I've never had a best friend but I do have many that are always there to catch a tear, give a warm embrace when I feel so cold, share my joy with and worship together. Where would I be without fellowship? I think of the thoughts I had last night, thinking that my presense isn't worth much but it is, just like the presense of every soul around me is worth so much. To lose one would be a tragedy but do I show this, do I love those around me with all of my heart? Do they feel my embrace outside and inside? Will I recognize their worth once they are gone or will I see it now? Cherish every relationship, every moment for the blessing it is. Will these just be empty words on a page or are these things written on my heart? Our time here is fleeting and so are the relationships that overwhelm me now. Each one a blessing that I don't deserve and without I might lose all hope.
I just want all to know I love you so much and if I could give electronic hugs(that's werid!) I would!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Repeat that!
I must confess, I complain when I don't learn something new during my quiet times. But something Mitch said today was that we don't have consistent quiet times so that we can hear something new but rather that we can hear what we have already heard over and over again. Repeating the truths to us that we have yet to fully understand. "The loudest voice wins" I want that voice to be God and not this world with it's repeated slogans. We come to God consistently so that his truth is what repeats in our head during the day, when we have to make a decision.
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God...For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." - 2 Cor.4:4&6
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God...For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." - 2 Cor.4:4&6
Friday, September 16, 2005
Should we spend less time praying for what causes us to cry and instead spend more time praying for what causes God to cry?
This convecting question was suggested to me a couple nights ago and it has been on my mind and heart since.
I spend so much time praying for myself, for the things I want, praying for me to be fixed. But something that was said to me in Iowa comes to mind and that is that we have so many broken pieces that we can't focus on fixing all of them before we can help others, before we can do God's work because then we will never get to his work. We have to be fixing while we are serving and loving.
Join in with me in prayer for the lost today, the many lost souls that pass us everyday, that sit by us in class, that eat in the same dining center, that live in our dorms. Pray for the many christians that pass by these lost, pray that all the christians of this school be filled with the spirit and that we all live God focused lives.
This convecting question was suggested to me a couple nights ago and it has been on my mind and heart since.
I spend so much time praying for myself, for the things I want, praying for me to be fixed. But something that was said to me in Iowa comes to mind and that is that we have so many broken pieces that we can't focus on fixing all of them before we can help others, before we can do God's work because then we will never get to his work. We have to be fixing while we are serving and loving.
Join in with me in prayer for the lost today, the many lost souls that pass us everyday, that sit by us in class, that eat in the same dining center, that live in our dorms. Pray for the many christians that pass by these lost, pray that all the christians of this school be filled with the spirit and that we all live God focused lives.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Rely on his strength
I love Wednesday nights. Some of us from my d-team go to the church to baby-sit while the parents meet. I don't like the hysteria and lack of authority we have. But I do love the faith these kids have and I do love the simple message Eddie gives. Last night it was about Romans 3:23 "For all have fallen short of the glory of God". To demonstrate he had one of the kids stand a chair and try to jump onto a chair that was all the way across the room. She made it about half way, because that is what it means to fall short. Then he demonstrated how Jesus helps us across to the side with God. The kids helplessly dangled from his shoulders, relying completely on him.
Some simple message for kids? No this is the truth and that is why it hits me deep. I’ve tried many times to jump the gap myself but instead just fall flat on my face. I’ve tried fighting Jesus to do it at least a little on my own. But he wants us to rely completely on him, so aware of our inadequacy that we give up trying our own way. ‘I surrender’
Some simple message for kids? No this is the truth and that is why it hits me deep. I’ve tried many times to jump the gap myself but instead just fall flat on my face. I’ve tried fighting Jesus to do it at least a little on my own. But he wants us to rely completely on him, so aware of our inadequacy that we give up trying our own way. ‘I surrender’
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
A Plea for Mercy
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.
- Lamentations 3:22-33
But read on:
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?
Why should any living man complain
when punished for his sins?
Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.
- Lamentations 3:38-40
Joy is gone from our hearts;
our dancing has turned to mourning.
The crown has fallen from our head.
Woe to us, for we have sinned!
Because of this our hearts are faint,
because of these things our eyes grow dim
- Lamentations 5:15-17
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.
- Lamentations 3:22-33
But read on:
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?
Why should any living man complain
when punished for his sins?
Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.
- Lamentations 3:38-40
Joy is gone from our hearts;
our dancing has turned to mourning.
The crown has fallen from our head.
Woe to us, for we have sinned!
Because of this our hearts are faint,
because of these things our eyes grow dim
- Lamentations 5:15-17
Oh I pray, Joy return to my soul
"Joy is unrelated to happiness. It comes from a source beyond time and circumstances and resides in the person and personality of Christ. It is most evident in our powerlessness. It appears when we don't expect it. Joy can endure through the worst adversity but can evaporate with the merest moment of self-reflection." CS Lewis
I find myself questioning that phrase I wrote on Joy's tank, "I will always have joy" Right now my soul seems to me in a dark cave, I once saw light but now I'm just wandering through the dark hoping that a light will flicker on or this cave will turn into just a tunnel but it's hard to see where I'm going without some source of light. I experienced joy at one point today but like fireflies it died away. Your words that once quaked my soul and caused me to scream from the mountain tops now have little affect on me. I read and read but it just causes me to hunger for joy and the fruits of the Spirit more and more. I guess that's a sort of quake but not the same quake that caused me to tell people of your love and caused me to spend hours praying for the lost. Instead all I desire is to be filled with your Spirit and feel your comforting arms around me. Can't I just come home!
I find myself questioning that phrase I wrote on Joy's tank, "I will always have joy" Right now my soul seems to me in a dark cave, I once saw light but now I'm just wandering through the dark hoping that a light will flicker on or this cave will turn into just a tunnel but it's hard to see where I'm going without some source of light. I experienced joy at one point today but like fireflies it died away. Your words that once quaked my soul and caused me to scream from the mountain tops now have little affect on me. I read and read but it just causes me to hunger for joy and the fruits of the Spirit more and more. I guess that's a sort of quake but not the same quake that caused me to tell people of your love and caused me to spend hours praying for the lost. Instead all I desire is to be filled with your Spirit and feel your comforting arms around me. Can't I just come home!
How are You?
If you know me you know that this question causes me much unecessary grief. I don't want to lie but yet it seems I never know the answer. It bugs me, Especially these last couple weeks but that is probably because I've been so short with people. Again today I find myself unable to answer this simple daily question. If you didn't know I spend much of my day plaguing over this question because I can't return to the dorms without an answer because I feel unapproved. Unneccessary stress!
Today I really desire to know, maybe it's my emotions or something but I find myself unable to pin point where I am. It's not so much where I am emotional, it's the where am I spiritual. Maybe I'm not meant to be able to answer this question. Just have faith that all is well? I want to say joy and I'm sure I experienced at least an ounce, at least that minute to class watching the sun rays break through the clouds. But yet I'm also sure that the hour in class my heart was burdened and joy was not there, just an ache. Often I find myself in a state of complete emptiness.
Maybe I'm learning what it means to constantly pray, constantly pray that God fills me with the Spirit. Not just a prayer in the morning but every minute here I need to remind myself of who my king is, remind myself why I'm here, remind myself to love others as he loves me. One verse "pray continually" - 1 Thess. 5:17 I've never looked at it seperately. But it is just one verse, one concept that I'm seeking understanding in and we all should.
Today I really desire to know, maybe it's my emotions or something but I find myself unable to pin point where I am. It's not so much where I am emotional, it's the where am I spiritual. Maybe I'm not meant to be able to answer this question. Just have faith that all is well? I want to say joy and I'm sure I experienced at least an ounce, at least that minute to class watching the sun rays break through the clouds. But yet I'm also sure that the hour in class my heart was burdened and joy was not there, just an ache. Often I find myself in a state of complete emptiness.
Maybe I'm learning what it means to constantly pray, constantly pray that God fills me with the Spirit. Not just a prayer in the morning but every minute here I need to remind myself of who my king is, remind myself why I'm here, remind myself to love others as he loves me. One verse "pray continually" - 1 Thess. 5:17 I've never looked at it seperately. But it is just one verse, one concept that I'm seeking understanding in and we all should.
Moon Set!!!
Lying in an empty room trying to read in order to distract from my overwhelming homesickness that I've never felt before to this degree. Home sickness for my family, my neighbor girls and ever one I known in Boise. Deep sleep soon found me only to end when I awoke in the high rise couch of room 177 listening to the faint rustle of the wind and the once in while bone chilling screams of Liz receiving peroxide for her injury.
I wandered out in a half sleep matter only to find myself captivated by the moon I saw from the second floor landing. I left my stuff and found myself walking. Once to the parking lot I stopped and listened to the chirping of the crickets and the zoom of the passing cars. The stars where not visible because the over powering light of the street lights dimmed them away. But the moon couldn't be dimmed by any man made light.
My feelings of homesickness transformed into a deeper even more intense homesickness for my real home in heaven. I don't belong in this world but I must stay until God says I'm done. I'm sick of the pain and the meaninglessness of the things around me. The distracting worldly things that cause me to stumble. My wretched self that is so hard to train to be pure. Following you is so hard I just want to rest in you without distractions. Sing songs of praise forever what could be more glorious.
I looked at the moon and just desired to be home but I'm here for a reason. Sitting by a tree with my sister Chelsea we watched something I've never seen the moon set, but it is only 12:30 where is it going? Back to reality, back down to this world where I'm struggling to be guided by the Spirit to even be in the Spirit. The days are so long when joy isn't filling your heart.
Now I'm sitting here in my silent room except for the white noise machine and those annoying cars that pass by so late. Sleep soon. I hope I will find myself waking up in heaven but really I'll probably wake up in this world again.
Thank you for the moon. I pray that tomorrow you will fill me with the Spirit, please!
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." - Lam. 3:22-24
"This is the day the LORD has made let us rejoice and be glad in it" - Psalm 118:24
I wandered out in a half sleep matter only to find myself captivated by the moon I saw from the second floor landing. I left my stuff and found myself walking. Once to the parking lot I stopped and listened to the chirping of the crickets and the zoom of the passing cars. The stars where not visible because the over powering light of the street lights dimmed them away. But the moon couldn't be dimmed by any man made light.
My feelings of homesickness transformed into a deeper even more intense homesickness for my real home in heaven. I don't belong in this world but I must stay until God says I'm done. I'm sick of the pain and the meaninglessness of the things around me. The distracting worldly things that cause me to stumble. My wretched self that is so hard to train to be pure. Following you is so hard I just want to rest in you without distractions. Sing songs of praise forever what could be more glorious.
I looked at the moon and just desired to be home but I'm here for a reason. Sitting by a tree with my sister Chelsea we watched something I've never seen the moon set, but it is only 12:30 where is it going? Back to reality, back down to this world where I'm struggling to be guided by the Spirit to even be in the Spirit. The days are so long when joy isn't filling your heart.
Now I'm sitting here in my silent room except for the white noise machine and those annoying cars that pass by so late. Sleep soon. I hope I will find myself waking up in heaven but really I'll probably wake up in this world again.
Thank you for the moon. I pray that tomorrow you will fill me with the Spirit, please!
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." - Lam. 3:22-24
"This is the day the LORD has made let us rejoice and be glad in it" - Psalm 118:24
Monday, September 12, 2005
What would make your life better?
This question was posed in my education class. A simple "cleaner room" was my response but really I sat there pondering the question much longer.
What would make my life better?
For the past week I have not been in the Spirit. I know the Spirit is within me but I've not been experiencing the fruits of the Spirit. So my answer would be to be filled with the Spirit. To have patience with people, to love people, to have joy, to not be easily tempered. I pray for these things but yet for some unknown reason I find myself in some dark hole. God has a reason for this time in my life. Maybe I'll become more humble, recognize how much I need the Spirit. Endurance with my faith? Whatever may come of this time I only desire that God be glorified.
So what would make your life better?
What would make my life better?
For the past week I have not been in the Spirit. I know the Spirit is within me but I've not been experiencing the fruits of the Spirit. So my answer would be to be filled with the Spirit. To have patience with people, to love people, to have joy, to not be easily tempered. I pray for these things but yet for some unknown reason I find myself in some dark hole. God has a reason for this time in my life. Maybe I'll become more humble, recognize how much I need the Spirit. Endurance with my faith? Whatever may come of this time I only desire that God be glorified.
So what would make your life better?
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Waiting
We are all waiting for something
Or maybe some one
I watch your gaze as you look
Look for that something
Look for that one
Not this
Not me
Something else
Some one else
We are all looking
But when will we find
That something
That some one
When will our eyes stop
When will our search end
Or maybe we have already found
Or have been found
Just blind to see
The mystery of the unseen
Or maybe some one
I watch your gaze as you look
Look for that something
Look for that one
Not this
Not me
Something else
Some one else
We are all looking
But when will we find
That something
That some one
When will our eyes stop
When will our search end
Or maybe we have already found
Or have been found
Just blind to see
The mystery of the unseen
Secret Sorrow
A Poem I found that are the words from my heart
I have a secret sorrow,
A grief deep down inside,
Where large and heavy burdens,
In tiny places hide.
There are no doors nor windows
To meet another's eye,
For no one understands it,
Except my Lord and I.
The times of bitter anguish,
With Him alone I spend,
For in this place of suffering,
He is my only Friend.
I have a secret sorrow,
A grief deep down inside,
Where large and heavy burdens,
In tiny places hide.
There are no doors nor windows
To meet another's eye,
For no one understands it,
Except my Lord and I.
The times of bitter anguish,
With Him alone I spend,
For in this place of suffering,
He is my only Friend.
Psalm 103
Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion.
Prise the LORD, O my soul.
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion.
Prise the LORD, O my soul.
The Storm
Nothing can seperate me from my God
Clouds may pass between me and him
They may even stay for some time, but God gives me perseverance
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.
- 2 Thess. 3:5
They may even start to rain on me, but God gives me comfort in his love
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort - 2 Cor. 1:3
The winds might even try to push me off the path, But you guide me
Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. - Psalm 27:11
The fog might try to blind me, but I look to you
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Cor. 4:18
Clouds may pass between me and him
They may even stay for some time, but God gives me perseverance
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.
- 2 Thess. 3:5
They may even start to rain on me, but God gives me comfort in his love
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort - 2 Cor. 1:3
The winds might even try to push me off the path, But you guide me
Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. - Psalm 27:11
The fog might try to blind me, but I look to you
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Cor. 4:18
Sunday, September 04, 2005
The song speaks
"Out Of Control"
Hoobastank
I've done everything as you say
I've followed your rules without question
I thought it would help me see things clearly
But instead of helping me to see
I look around and it's like I'm blinded
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
I don't understand what you want from me
I feel like I'm spinning out of control
Try to focus but everything's twisted
And all along I thought you would be there
(Thought you would be there)
To let me know I'm not alone
But in fact that's exactly what I was
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All of the things you've said to me
I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Is it a mystery?
Is it a mystery?
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control...
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All the things you've said to me
And I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Hoobastank
I've done everything as you say
I've followed your rules without question
I thought it would help me see things clearly
But instead of helping me to see
I look around and it's like I'm blinded
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
I don't understand what you want from me
I feel like I'm spinning out of control
Try to focus but everything's twisted
And all along I thought you would be there
(Thought you would be there)
To let me know I'm not alone
But in fact that's exactly what I was
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All of the things you've said to me
I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Is it a mystery?
Is it a mystery?
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control...
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All the things you've said to me
And I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery
Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
Friday, September 02, 2005
God or Money?
I'm lead to write another entry, not really sure why
But today I came to work and found a wallet hidden by the keyboard. THe owner came by shortly later and I returned it to her. But unfortunatelly $200 was missing, I could do nothing but see the disappointment in her eyes. Minutes later the one who hid it asked me if it was returned, I said yes and she thanked him with a smile.
I thought of the lesson Eddie gave to te kids on Wednesday night. He mentioned that we can't both serve money and God. He also addressed an event that occured earlier that evening when one of the kids stole another kid's quarter. Eddie told them that as we get older it becomes harder to chose God over money and soon your friend will be caring more than a quarter. This girl lost $200, probably stolen by who knows who.
Who do you serve? God or money
But today I came to work and found a wallet hidden by the keyboard. THe owner came by shortly later and I returned it to her. But unfortunatelly $200 was missing, I could do nothing but see the disappointment in her eyes. Minutes later the one who hid it asked me if it was returned, I said yes and she thanked him with a smile.
I thought of the lesson Eddie gave to te kids on Wednesday night. He mentioned that we can't both serve money and God. He also addressed an event that occured earlier that evening when one of the kids stole another kid's quarter. Eddie told them that as we get older it becomes harder to chose God over money and soon your friend will be caring more than a quarter. This girl lost $200, probably stolen by who knows who.
Who do you serve? God or money
No rewards come from quitting
All of my life I took pride in the fact that I would never quit. I played even though I was the worse player. Sophmore year of high school I made it on the basketball team but rarely played, one game I only played for 30 secs. But I still went to practice everyday. Volleyball I didn't even make the team but instead I became the manager and again went to every practice. The same story with track I was last but I came to practice everyday. I took pride that I would never quit.
But what does this have to do with anything? Well because I didn't quit amazing things happen, rewards that wouldn't have happened if I did as the world was telling me, "Quit". Basketball I met my future history teacher that was an encouragement for me my senior year to go to CSU, Volleyball I met a coach and math teacher that I now look up to as a role model for my future career as a math teacher/coach, and track led me to a passion that rewarded me in a worldly way but more importantly it is now a passion that God is guiding me in.
What if I had quit my sophmore year where would I be today? At CSU probably not, a math major probably not, following God?
This blog was inspired by watching "Rudy" a movie that makes you want to dream more and to never quit.
I ask you to join with me in dreaming, dreaming big, beyond what we could imagine because God is beyond this world. Even when the world around us tells us to quit we pick up our crosses everyday with joy, joy for our King.
But what does this have to do with anything? Well because I didn't quit amazing things happen, rewards that wouldn't have happened if I did as the world was telling me, "Quit". Basketball I met my future history teacher that was an encouragement for me my senior year to go to CSU, Volleyball I met a coach and math teacher that I now look up to as a role model for my future career as a math teacher/coach, and track led me to a passion that rewarded me in a worldly way but more importantly it is now a passion that God is guiding me in.
What if I had quit my sophmore year where would I be today? At CSU probably not, a math major probably not, following God?
This blog was inspired by watching "Rudy" a movie that makes you want to dream more and to never quit.
I ask you to join with me in dreaming, dreaming big, beyond what we could imagine because God is beyond this world. Even when the world around us tells us to quit we pick up our crosses everyday with joy, joy for our King.
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