mad dash in the wrong direction

As my heart pounded on my mad dash to Weber to print before class today I had a thought. A thought that in my mind is worthy of a post. It is the reason I was dashing, actually running. Flip flops, sweatpants I slept in, t-shirt I wore yesterday and a notebook of scattered papers. The day started at 4am little more tired but content and joy filled. Less than ten hours later I was adding a title and my name to my final honors paper for my final honors class. Sadly I scrolled down my creation only to realize I was one page short of the target, one page short of perfection. Agh the story of my life. Often I have been caught one page short, one point short, one day short of what I had in my mind as perfection. Here I was once again. After what I considered an excellent paper, after pouring my soul out into or maybe just a little. I had to settle with the incomplete creation and since I was running late, funny saying I thought as I ran myself off to the computer lab because I still think the idea of having your own printer silly. I was hot from the sun shining on me as I frantically finished the paper, I was tired from lack of good sleep, I was drained from the life that constantly moves and drags me along, I
was frustrated with a poor paper and I was more frustrated with...

I was more frustrated with my spirit. In the past 2 hours the paper became my number one priority. I turned into the roommate who is demanding as she puts her life as the first in the pair, the roommate I hate. I turned into the friend who shoos you away roughly with not even a word of hello. I turned into the friend who was irritated by your loving attempt to calm my spirits with a hug. I turned into the friend who paid not attention to your presence, in any other situation would have. I turned into that person that nudges people to the side when they are in the way, but don't worry I didn't actually nudge anybody. I was that person I hate, I was so mad at myself that I almost ripped my paper up to show my frustration.

And now I must contniue the frantic dash to finish everything that is due tomorrow. But wait shall I continue the sprirt of evil or will I stop and rest in God and apologize to all those that I hurt?

This is the point in life that I don't understand. The godly life in the world. Spending your time on others, spending your time with God, spending your time fixing mistakes made, spending your time in fellowship, spending your time in serving, spending your time in whatever God calls you up to do. Hair cuts and birthday cakes and late night conversations with friends. But wait is it my time or is it God's?

Crush! It is God's and I must die to myself as he said, I knew this would be hard!
...and I'm dead

All this is ironic because my paper was all about those around me and how they help me to develop myself! Looks like I just wrote my last page!