Daughter of God

Last One

2007-08-23T06:57:00.000-06:00

I've decide today that I will shut down my blog for good. I took the summer off from it and somethings were revealed to me. For one thing my relationship with God only grew deeper. I was using my blog as the one to pour out my soul to instead of God. That should never be. The thoughts I would post should have gone to God first. I also realized that I seek the approval of others to prove myself and to be satisfied when it is God who should satisfy me.

I spent this morning reading through some past blogs and many brought me to tears I will confess because God has done so much and yet the simple lessons I was learning at the beginning of my walk I am still learning. Funny how that happens. I also recognized that my words were a source of encouragement and/or challenge to you. Recognize that it is our responsibility to exhort our brothers and sisters I will continue to offer myself in time and word to you. But praise God that many of you see me in physical form and may our meetings only become more enriched as we learn to minister to each other.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands. - Psalm 90:17

Fear

2007-06-18T23:19:00.000-06:00

There is something about phones that gives me the willies and makes my heart jump a couple beats. Too many bad things have followed a phone call, too many bad memories. Sometimes I’m scared to pick up or even listen to the voice mail because the unknown frightens me to the bone. Shakes and quicken breaths follow and in a dark corner I pray to my God that nothing bad would be on the other end.

A message of a lost loved one, a message of hate and messages of heart ache…confusions and lies…life changes and announcement of things I wish not to hear…suicide attempts and lost ones near…stern voices and shaken lives…act quickly or freeze in panic…erase or face…words I wish not to hear and I wish to never utter…messages that make my heart curdle…midnight or midday and fear comes when ever I hear that ring and see a name…ring!

So what is fear? “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger” Answers.com would say. Could it be the absence of trust when the unknown is near? Eddie asked and here is my response. When I hear the word fear two scenarios roll through my head. The first is all the times when I pushed God aside and let myself try to take the wheel and sure enough I crash and that is when finally the second scenario occurs as I watch God direct me down a path of good and peace as I’m faced with the fear of God and knowing that I should always choose the path that God directs because He is faithful and knows what is best.

It is in that dark corner I spoke of before and it is on my knees in tears that I have trembled because of the fear of God. No matter what scenario is set before, the anxious feeling in my stomach comes when I fear the phone call and the unknown that follows but it is when my soul trembles as I watch how this mighty King that I can call Father wraps his gracious arms around me and lifts me out of the pit I have dug for the millionth time and shows me that there is far more good things that follow when I trust God and when I make a call to Him no matter how corny that might sound.

This past month I have learned to walk and talk with my God. The most basic of “Christian” things to do but some how the hardest to achieve at. We mask and pretend but the reality is that there is more that awaits us especially if we choose to communion with God. I’m not claiming to be the best but I can’t deny the change that has already occurred. To him I often cry and ask first because I have been relocated from my support barriers in the past. That is Summitview and the rock, my team, accountability partners and close friends. I’m left to discover and build upon a sturdier source, my King and my Father. That is why I’m here to declare to those who check my blog that for the rest of the summer I will not be writing for even as I write this I see it as yet another place in which I pour out instead of pouring out to God…So farewell for the summer.

Amsterdam Photos

2007-06-01T15:26:00.001-06:00

Check out my photos! (by clicking on Amsterdam Photos)

Amsterdam 2007

2007-05-28T12:09:00.000-06:00

I have returned from my crazy mission trip in Amsterdam. It was an encouragement for Zolder 50 and for the team. I learned and was challenged in many areas. It is amazing the work God is doing and will do with His people all over the world. Here is a summary of my experiences.

“And you, son of man, neither fear them nor their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions; neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house. But you shall speak My words to them whether they listen or not, for they are rebellious.” – Ezekiel 2:6,7

General observations include an apparent culture difference as I found myself missing free water, free restrooms and larger portions. At the same time I loved the use of bikes to travel throughout the city instead of cars and the many nationalities we encountered 143 to be precise. People were courteous and loved to chat. We rode on trams a good majority of our time and walked every where else and I had to use my map many times over. We stayed at the city shelter on bunks, using lockers to hold our stuff, sleeping with ear plugs and breakfast was usually four pieces of bread with ham/cheese/butter/jam (just a little odd!). We ate out or on the go the whole time and so I ended up trying some interesting foods! Stoopwafels are good, but drop (salty black licorice) is gross, fries with mayo are good and free tea is always nice.

On a heavier note, Amsterdam is indeed a dark place, spiritually. Most people I talked to didn’t believe in God and when asked what the purpose of life was, they would answer to be a good person and live at peace with others. Most didn’t even consider what would happen when they died and didn’t even care, it was just another surprise. The red light district, the soft porn, drugs and alcohol everywhere have just become part of life as sin holds many in bondage.
For being a church in the heart of this dark place and going through struggles with leadership and building issues, Zolder50 still holds so much faith. They welcomed us into their church and poured out their hearts to us as we became one with them. Their faith was a highlight for me as I didn’t expect to work so closely with them. With them we participated in their home groups (small groups) one of which was an all Dutch group that spoke Dutch the whole time. We baby-sat for several families and we participated in a three day serve the city event and festival for the city doing everything from painting, gardening, playing with kids, and handing out flowers.
With the rest of our time we went out sharing and conducting surveys about spiritual beliefs. One of my prayers before going to Amsterdam was to have one good conversation because it is a weakness of mine and I was discouraged because we had little time to go out sharing until the last week when God gave me this verse, “for ‘whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher? How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!’” – Romans 10:13-15 Later that day a team member and I met these two women who we talked to for almost two hours about spiritual beliefs and rarely drifted from the topic, encouraging because most people want to talk about everything but what they believe.

The second week we put on a three day seminar on world beliefs and each night had greater attendance and led to good conversations and connections/ relationships for Zolder50. As a group we united to pray for somebody to either get saved or to get connected to Zolder50 and stick with them. We didn’t see how God answered this prayer but lives were defiantly changed by us being there. We didn’t see the fruit but prayfully Zolder50 will reap from our sowing. “Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.” – John 4:36 So rejoice for what God has done.
We also had the blessing to work with and encourage a ministry that has parked itself in the heart of the red light district, called the Cleft. They have set their heart and energy on witnessing to not only prostitutes and the men that are in bondage to this sexually sin but also to drug addicts, alcoholics, homeless and many others who find themselves trapped in their sin in this area of Amsterdam. We joined them on bridges over the canals of this district. Every week they go out and worship, read passages from scripture, pray and have conversations with whoever wants to talk. It was an amazing experience to read through Romans out loud as there was worship filling the air and as others were sharing the gospel in conversation. Pray for this ministry and that the Holy Spirit would continue to guide them.

The highlight of the trip for me was a prayer meeting that I participated in during the last night of the seminars. It was the most Spirit led prayer meeting I have ever been in. It really connected me to the power of God, the reality of spiritual warfare and the importance of prayer. As a united front the body can be used by God and even in the unity itself see the glory of God. From this trip I was challenged mostly in unity, faith and my intimate walk with God; I wish to take these lessons on into this summer and the fall.
The future has me leaving for Iowa City on the 29th for a summer infusion, where we will be working with our church Mars Hill to start a college ministry. Then in the fall I return back to CSU for another year of school and ministry. Please pray for:

- Salvations in Iowa (commitment to a college ministry)
- Unity as a team and with the church
- Spiritual growth for every team member
- Jobs

Mighty indeed is the Cross

2007-04-25T12:41:00.000-06:00

It has been some time since my last post not because of neglect but because I didn't know how to word my life and all that has been developing with my walk with God. I didn't want pity and I didn't want honor from anything that I would post. When God works in our life it is for his glory, and He is indeed working in our lives every second, every breath, every step. What ever seconds might pass (heavy or light), whatever breath might be inhaled (quickened or relaxed), what ever step might be taken (unknown or sure). Praise goes to the One who is worthy, Him only.

This month has been full of ups and downs. Through them all given time I have begun to see the good in them all. The good in the sunny days and the good in the rainy days. The key is not to look at the circumstances but to look at the cross and see that all peace and joy comes from the death of the precious lamb. This month I have tried to carry burdens that are too heavy for me to carry, I have tried to heal my own broken heart and I have turned my eyes from the Lord. But the beauty of Grace is that it is unmerited favor having nothing to do with my works good or bad.

When I was revealed to this truth peace and joy flooded just like we are promised, for grace was abundant. A story of peace began a month ago when I realized that a class I needed to take in the fall is only offered in the Spring. I've been meeting with the professor of that class to possibly arrange an independent study and I have taken many trips to the education building to find alternatives to remedy this kind of critical problem. Last night I received an email from this professor and was faced with the reality that I would have to wait until spring to take this class meaning that I won't graduate for another semester. Peace flooded me and instantly I found myself searching for classes to take in the fall, joy showed itself in me through smiles and happiness. Once again I was reminded of the beauty of walking in God's Will and what it is like to trust the cross and see God's faithfulness.

I don't understand all that has happened and I don't know all that is to come but if faith is taking a step when you don't see the whole staircase and faith is letting go of control of my life and handing it over to God then I still have much faith to be tested. As do we all. But remembering cross and all that was accomplished there peace and joy will surely come.

2007-04-25T12:29:00.000-06:00

Mighty is the Power of the Cross - Chris Tomlin

Verse:
What can take a dying man
And raise him up to life again?
What can heal the wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness? Brokenness?

Chorus:
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.
Mighty is the power of the cross.

Verse 2:
What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones?
What can save and overcome? Overcome?

*Repeat Chorus*

Bridge:
It's a miracle to me
It's a miracle to me
It's still a mystery
And it's still a mystery
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
Those who believe

Chorus:
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.

Oh and mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the Holy cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life
To lift us from the fall.
Mighty is the power of...
Mighty is the power of...
Mighty is the power of the cross.

Ending:
Thank You for the cross.
Thank You for the cross.
I love the cross.
I love the cross.
It's a powerful cross.

What can take a dying man (thank You Jesus)
And raise him up to life again? (thank You Jesus)
Worship You Jesus (wonderful cross)
By Your wounds we are healed
By Your wounds we are saved

Mighty is the power of the cross (echo)
Mighty is the power of the cross (echo)
Thank You Jesus
For the Holy cross
Oh

Looking in the mirror...

2007-04-07T06:45:00.000-06:00

Many times I have stood from my "Righteous" Spot and looked down upon you. I have shaken my head and pretended to cry, pretended to have cared that you were trapped in your sin and without grace you would go to Hell. I looked upon drunkards and idolatrers and every other sinner of the sort. I looked at your evil heart that chose money over the infinte love of God, I looked at your selfishness and wished you lost everything in order to see that all blessings come from God, I laughed at your foolish atempts to work your way to heaven through service and devotion to religious activities, I rebuked you because of your foul language and your lies and your rudness, I threw up because of your hipocrisy and your false witnessing, I disconnected myself from you and your kind, I distanced myself from your unclean hands, I casted you into Hell and I never prayed for you to see the light because I thought there was no hope for such a wretch as you, I let you continue in your sin because to stop you I might have been associated with the corrupt soul that consumes you...from my "righteousness" I only saw the good in me little did I know that if I had only looked in the mirror I would have seen that I was just like you...a sinner

For all have fallen short of the glory of God and There is no one righteous, not even one. This is the truth that we all must face no matter how much we try to cover it with excemptions and dress it in softness...it is the reality of human nature.

But lets not leave it there because with the reality of sin and hell there is the reality of grace and heaven offered through only one, the blemish free son of God, the perfect example of humility and sacrifice...the precious Jesus Christ. Sent by God as a gift of grace as a demonstartion of His infinte love for us. Evidence of His faithful prusuit for our love that we lost during the Fall. He pursues us, now let us not reach the end of our life on earth and miss the opportunity to return to our God with love.

Eternity is for us all, the question is will it be with God or not?

Stand Strong Warrior

2007-03-28T06:19:00.000-06:00

We must not lose courage my brothers and sisters there is a battle for souls surrounding us. It may be because I just watched the Lord of the Rings Two Towers and that is why the idea of battle is most prominent in my mind. Yet at the same time these last couple days God has been making it apparent to me that he wants us to stand strong in Him and trust. Faith is one of those words that I seem to know the least about but yet everyday is a chance to learn more. Trust Him and when He tests you which He most diffentially will that is when you learn about faith. When you have to choose to stand by your King and fight for what He desires and to hope in what He promises.

"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:3-4

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

There is something worth fighting for and it is greater than what Frodo and Sam were fighting for. Our hope is in something bigger than a mere good in this world but our hope is in that which is Good, that which is Love, that which is Life and that which is Holy...WE are fighting for our God. That is reason alone to persevere.

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God." - Romans 4:20

This is referring to Abraham and because I can't do it justice you must read Romans 4. Let us hope for things that God has promised but seem so hard to have hope in. Let us respect (from NASB version of Romans 4:20) and stand by God's promises for He will never fail!

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 cor. 4:18

Let's not be presuaded to believe in the seen but lets believe and hold true to the unseen. I'm a walking rememberance of God's faithfulness. Seen as one who would never believe in God or be caught in a church. But here I stand as a testiomony of God's Power, he grabbed my heart and softened it for no work of man could have done what he did in my life. He did this for many others and will do it for many more to come and that is a story to come...

Half birthdays are one of my favorites!

2007-03-25T06:43:00.000-06:00

This really should have been posted yesterday. 2 and 1/2 years ago yesterday I accepted Christ. Hard to believe the time that has past. I was reading my first journal this morning and I'm amazed at what God did with my life right away. The amount of prayer I had for those around me, the grasp of scripture that I had, the joy and thankfulness I had, the searching to know the deeper meaning of every verse I read, the understanding of God's goodness in struggle, the sacrificing of one's life, and the love I had for God. It is that childlike love and dependence that I desire to have once again. Return to my first love that has been my plea to God for the last couple days. Praying like I haven't in so long and oh it is satisfying and joy filling.

In the first two months of my walk I prayed for others everyday, I went to prayer meetings and found that to pray your words don't have to be perfect and you don't have to worry what others think, prayer is from the heart. I struggled with saying prayers out loud until I realised that it needs to be from the heart and once again I recently found myself in such a state. Here I am being encouraged by myself, what a funny thing.

It's beautiful to look back and thank the Lord for every struggle and question because I can see where it has taken me so far. I can see from the beginning I had a heart for discipleship (I prayed for my first disciple within 7 weeks of accepting Christ) and I had a heart for prayer (I had my first all night prayer by myself shortly after 2 months!) I'm amazed and didn't realize the transformations that were happening. I wrote many journal entries about giving it all up and and laying down everything for God (I took a major faith step when I changed majors from Chemical Engineering to Math Education, a step I knew wouldn't go well with my parents)

So dear friend who asked me why to keep a journal here is a reason why!

Be encouraged brothers and sisters by what God has done in your own life and what He is doing in those around you. For many times my journal has made mention of the things others did around me that was a light and encouragement to me, things I'm sure they didn't realize had an impact. Open your eyes to God and open your heart to his deep, deep, everlasting love towards us.

Resting on a deep love that not even words can describe.

2007-03-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

I have a number of topics that I could write about
- old people
- junior high kids at concerts
- teaching junior high kids
- a heart after God
- running by faith

but grr I'm sleep deprived and need to make some phone calls and have to study, oh life how it fills my time up, so watch for a future post love ya and read 1 or 2 Chronicles 29 (I don't remember which!) it's about David's heart

God's Voice

2007-03-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

Listen to Elihu's words as he humbly talks about God to Job

"At this also my heart trembles, and leaps from it's place.
Listen closely to the thunder of His voice,
And the rumbling that goes out from His mouth.
Under the whole heaven He lets it loose,
And His lightning to the ends of the earth.
After it, a voice roars; He thunders with His majestic voice,
And He does not restrain the lightnings when his voice is heard.
God thunders with His voice wondrously,
Doing great things which we cannot comprehend."
- Job 37:1-5

Don't forget it is all about God's Glory

2007-03-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

Premier Night was last night. The top ten were shown and then judges picked 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. Part of me really wanted to be first or at least 3rd. But that was the prideful selfish part of me that was seeking the glory of this world. My attitude was off last night I realized after seeing the content and joyful attitude of my fellow directors. Despite what others said I didn't think our movie was that great, excuse for losing, but that is when I wanted to tell Satin to go to hell, for his lies were consuming me. A brother last night after the results were announced told me, that it was 'God's favorite'. A comment that could be said just to comfort but in this case it reminded me that this was God's. He orchestrated it all to perfectly and showed His goodness too often for me to not think that it was for his glory. I don't know what it did but I know that God is pleased and that makes me cry in praise for my God who is beyond all things...

It's Done

2007-02-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know and for those who do, the movie is done. Two friends and I made a short film for a contest where you are given a camera and access to a computer lab and a week to put it all to together. We thought of the idea of those people who follow their passions and these passions inspire another to go do their passions. An artsy movie that soon will be posted on Youtube for you all to see, and be inspired!

Most amazing has been God's sovereignty. I have already posted on this but I find the need to come once again. Most recently he has been giving me enough energy to get through the day and the late night editing. He has given me understanding in class and home works pushed ahead and providing for us when we need him. If it doesn't seem it is going the way we think it should He has been providing peace and patience. I know this movie is in God's will and I can trust that my labor is not in vain. He has been loving and good.

That doesn't mean following his will is the easiest way or a struggle free path. It has been hard and tiring and stressful and draining. I haven't been responding the best and I know I haven't rested enough but I'm working on that, actually I've stopped working as hard. I've walked in faith and in that I've gone through one of the hardest struggles, how to love those who don't know God. I've worked many hours on this movie with a dear friend of mine who to this day does know the Lord and several of these were during times of high stress, high tension, lack of sleep and disagreements and miscommunications. I want to respond to every situation as Christ might but I didn't always succeed at it; I've snapped and I've been selfish and not always loving. I don't know how Jesus spent most of his time with those who had not yet believed, how did he love us so much to continue sacrificing himself to the point of death.

Let us love as he loved us!

My Sisters

2007-02-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

They're under attack, they're going through some deep waters that are ether Satin's attack or God's refining process. I would like to think it is the later where I envision God knocking them down and kicking them around in a loving way as only God can. It sounds like a bad image and rightly so it doesn't give God enough credit for how much he fights for us and his pure love for us. Tested in the fire they will come out more refined then before and that is the hope that I pray for.

One sister lacks sleep as she handles a trying emotional decision making process

One has roommate issues that have lead to stress and having to sleep on the floor

One finds herself broke and in need of a new place of residence, add pain and lack of fellowship

One has a lot of commuting that is keeping her from many of the people she loves and cherishes

One has been going from stress to stress and now struggles with an illness attacking one she loves

Many more out there I know are faced with struggles, decisions, confusion, emotional drain and whatever else could hit somebody.

But praise be to God who remains perfectly faithful, good and sovereign. He is watching each of these daughters of his with tender love and care and he guides them through the flame of sanctification. My hope is completely in God's plan that I know is perfect to a degree we only see more of as we live because we can not see God completely and live, Yet!

I'm not the only one with this hope, each of these sisters of mine holds it in their hearts and I have found myself loved and encouraged by them. They haven't chosen the easy way out and have not resigned to a pity party. They just want to see God's plan and just want to be a rest in Him.

I love God's love for us, I love the love that he gives us to give back to him, I love the love that he gives us to give back to others, I love God's love for us so deep and enduring... (If you don't believe this or have grown cold, read 1 John)

Pray for my sisters that they wouldn't lose faith, hope and love because without these they wouldn't be refined. Rest in him, only him.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

As the years progress this day has become one of my favorites. Not for the overdone pink and red, or loads of chocolate, or the flowers, or the little notes saying "Be Mine". It is a reminder to me of the Love of God. Is not this the holiday that is focused on love and who better than love Himself should be honored and praised. Today has been a day of struggles, trials, sickness, confusion and failures but it has been the best day because in everything that seemed to be going wrong God showed me the good. From a missed class he gave me amazing conversations, from a sickness he gave me the chance to trust in him, from feelings of dis pair and loneliness he showed me his never ending love and many hearts of stone softened today. God is sovereign over all and hears our every cry and plea. I got a Valentine that says "Follow your dreams on Valentine's Day!" By giving my dreams to God I am following in a different sort of way for today was a day like every other day should be like, a day of following God by the faith we have in his Goodness, Everyday fellow saint, everyday give all to him and when you do, the bad is seen as good. Now I must go to bed and prayfully I'll rise for another day of faith in Him, will you rise in the same way?

Praises go to my God today for everybody in my life that has shown me the love of Christ. Praise to God who loves me still more than I know and has planned my life out in the best way to bring him glory and shower me with all of him. Praise be to Christ who's death makes all things possible for it is Him that we all should strive to be like and he wasn't the one with the most flowers, the best candies nor the nicest, fanciest restaurant...instead he ate with sinners and washed his disciples' feet and showed us the best example of love by dying on the cross and let us not forget this sacrifice.

Caught Dancing

2007-02-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

I was caught dancing in the bathroom today. I was caught humming a hymn. I was caught staring into outer space, actually caught meditating on his goodness. I was caught expressing joy in a smile and a twinkle. I was caught running and skipping for my King. I was caught praying to my dear God. I was caught in love with my God and at peace with His Will for my life.

Now really I had a moment today that ends or just continues with this post, in the bathroom I stopped and looked upon myself, something I try to avoid as to not get caught up with an obsession on my self. But stopping and looking stopped my rushing mind and pounding heart as I rushed from one thing to another. Busyness of life seems to be my downfall this semester. A song came on my mp3 player, the song itself not important what was important to this moment is that it was just God and me, not a test or homework assignment or ticking seconds.

I most fear the days that I wake up and wonder where the day before went, or week before, month before, year and next thing I know I'm 80 years old wondering what happened to my life, did I bring glory to God or did I just talk about doing so when time freed it's self. But guess what this world is never going to set aside time for us to do God's work. We have to choose to give up and sacrifice something in order that God will get glory but with God in control he will return the sacrifice. I'm not saying you'll get an 'A' in all your classes, or be prompted at work, or get the best things but you will have a 'good' life full of true satisfaction. Looking back at my years I remember most distinctively my time before my lord, my time of fellowship, my struggles and victories, my steps of faith, my times of praise and worship, my times that I saw god's glory and sovereignty. I don't remember what I got on all of my assignments and tests, what I wrote about in my papers or what my mindless chattering with friends were about. I'm not saying to put aside school completely but if you are faced with a choice between school and God I would choose God, He is forever!

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:19-23 NIV

Since we have confidence let us! Let us brothers and sisters! Let us!

Cry for rest... better in David's Words

2007-02-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

Do I trust in myself, in the strength of my own endurance?
Do I hope in the horse, and depend on the warrior’s might?
Or do I put my faith and hope in God alone
The one whom is victory and strength

Let Peace and Rest flood my soul
Hope and Faith guide my steps
And Love remind my soul of my worth
On my Rock and in His Arms I fall

In him alone I read and hear
There is no other like our God
I sing, pray and cry, Follow Him
But sin, temptation and the world

Why is it so hard to choose Good
Why do I let Satan in
When a loving gracious God
Is offering all of Him

Sovereign Light lead me Home
Lead me to the spring of life
The well of peace and river of rest
In you I wish to cling

“Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, O those who hope for His lovingkindness, To deliver their soul from death And to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, Because we trust in His holy name. Let Your lovingkindness, O LORD, be upon us, According as we have hoped in You.” – Psalm 33:18-22

Our Sovereign God

2007-02-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. - proverbs 19:21

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" - John 11:40

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. - Psalm 20:4

This stroy begins many days ago, but seeing God's glory began Thursday when God began to make it clear that he calls me to give my plans to him, to give everything over in prayer and let him lead...so I started to remember to give him everything, every descison, every hour...Friday morning Laura mentioned a movie making contest (a desire of mine has been to make movies, short little things but I have no equipment) I gave the idea to him for I didn't want to say for sure that we would do it without God's clearing no matter how much I was dying to do it. Laura and I even already had an idea we thought of days before any mention of the contest (God's sovereignty I'm sure)...it became clear that God was giving the go but I kept praying that he would receive glory from it. My fear of making the movie about God kept me from bring up any connection but that is where God stepped up and showed me how great he is. Laura and I discussed ideas for the movie during the last quarter of the super bowl, Robin also was there. It was the two of them (non christians by the way) that suggested the scenes of sermons, worship, prayer and bible reading. That fit perfetly as the ending of the movie. It may not make sense but soon you will all get to see this creation. Praise goes to God who brought it to focus on him and also made everything click and ideas flow and come together. I saw his glory today in an unexpected way and am way excited for this creation, continue to pray that as I work with Laura that she would see more of God as he takes more focus in this movie. He is a sovereign God who is orchestrating every detail of our lives, Praise God all the days of your life for he alone is worthy of Praise.

Power of Prayer

2007-01-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

This post could be more insightful then it is,
It could be packed full of verses and deep thoughts
It could be a rambling of all the prayers God has answered for me

But it isn't
I just felt the need to share the simple truth that God hears your every cry and he is fighting for you. (Deut. 3:22)

He wants your heart and your life, give it to him!
Surrender and lose your life, just let go.

Pray, pray, pray
until your knees ache
until your eyes are dry from your tears
until your knuckles are sore from knocking
until God tells you to stop, not when you think you are done.

Prayers are to Glorify God, the one who is worthy (Psalm 18:3)
Don't we want to glorify God?

Say no to your flesh and kneel before your Lord

Lets us all be praying together!

Sick Scale!

2007-01-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

My family is sick and no fear because I don't mind getting sick, knock on wood. It doesn't last long, you don't have to work or go to school, everybody is really swell to you, you get special things like orange juice and tea and chicken noodle soup...anywho my bbrother and me discussed illnesses that is their symptoms and put them in a scale of worse to less worse. (This is only an opinion based on past experiences and each symptom can be worse given circumstances. Many of them are related and having more than one always makes worse. And hey if you are sick you are just worse not matter what!)

Cough while having a sorethroat
Stomach Ache
Ear ache
Headache
Dizzyness
Throwing up/Nausea
Mucus
Sorethroat
rash/itching
cough
runny nose

Get Well All and watch out you nondiseased

Tribute to Junction City

2007-01-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

This story begins the morning of the 31st 2006, 5:30am to be precise, Nick wanted to get on the road right a way. When we left I-70 was closed that is the road that takes you across Kansas and into Colorado, just the route we wanted to take. We took it easy hoping that the roads would clear up as we got to them. Another team had left before us and so kept us informed of the conditions. The road was closed off atSalina and the tail end of the snow storm was passing through. The closer we got to Salina the quicker hotel rooms would be going and so we stopped in Junction City, Kansas. 5 boys and 2 girls grabbed the cheapest rooms at anEconlodge and grabbed cheap food at Walmart, Survivor time! Two other teams arrived in the same city but parked themselves in a different Hotel. With nothing to do we visited our other brothers and sisters. We were all coming back fromFaithwalkers with High Spirits and excitement about what we learned. That is when the idea to put what we learned into practice right a way! We all prayed for our time and guidance. Then we set out to various locations, door to door, Walmart, Grocery store, other churches and Hotels.

My story of Faith took me back to the Econolodge where a few of us hung out with this family we met there. An Army Guy and his wife and three kids ages 18 months, 3 years and four years. The wife was on the phone most of the time and so we talked with the dad and played with the kids. I started playing with the girl, Laura 3 years old. Shy at first but like any other kid was packed full of energy. I was unsure of what God wanted to do with this time but that meant I had to take it by faith. I just played and laughed and what not. Laura began to becomefascinated with the cross around my neck and asked what it was, it took me three times to finally tell her that it was a cross that represented Jesus death on the cross for mine and your sins, I told her that God loved her. I have always had a hard time understanding how a small child could grasp the love of God and so here God was poking at me to share his love with this child. She played with my necklace the rest of the time and started flipping through my bible as well.

We all met up later and shared stories which I find I would not tell just as well but all of them we steps of faith I'm sure the Lord was pleased with. We worshipped and prayed and who knows there might be a little church springing up in this little town of Junction City? We rung in the New Year Together, there is not other way I wished to ring in the Year! To our Lord we gave the year! Next time you drive by Junction City, Kansas please stop and take a step of faith.

The beginning of 2007

2007-01-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

We are to proclaim the glories of God and so here is one. I'm late telling the story but let that not take away from God's Glory. This is my last day in Arizona, I came here for a week after Faithwalkers to see my cousin, Aunt, Uncle and grandma. The plan was to fly out of Denver on the first to meet my mom and brother in Phoenix. My flight was scheduled to leave from DIA at 2:35pm on the 1st and here is my entry from that day...

Hard to believe that it is a new year, a year of praises to my God. I start this off with the first amazing story of God's provision. Well since we got stuck in Kansas (that is another story to be told next) I was quite some distance from the airport and my flight was scheduled to leave at 2:35pm. My caravan and the others we ran into all prayed and we set out early to get me to my destination. For along time I was unsure that I was going to make it on time. The roads were ice in spots and so we had to slow down and the first gas station we stopped at was completely frozen in ice! I was at peace for being on standby but everyone was committed to getting me there on time. Fast and choosing to grab and eat on the way instead of stopping and eating. Chris mad dashed me to the airport and I arrived around 1:50 probably enough time if the lines weren't so long! I realized I would have to go standby and so I stood in the much shorter additional service line. To my surprise I discovered that my flight was delayed by almost an hour and I barely made the cut of time to check in. Praises to God flowed out of my mouth. Even the ticket lady mentioned that somebody was watching out for me. I don't know why things happen to us but I do know that there is a big God out there who is sovereign over all. Trust in him and his will for your life. If you are ever delayed or things seem to be going against you all he does is good. I was blessed by this delay while from a different point of view it is easy for us to grumble but don't because God is Good! I wish I could bestow this peace and joy on those who might see it as an inconvenience but until we die to ourselves and our plans and choose to trust God's plan we will not expression the Spirit of God. May I not forget this time when I'm on the other side.

I want to go home

2006-12-22T16:36:00.000-07:00

Many find it unbelievable when I say that I hate going home, I dread holidays because it means that I have to go home, they kick me out of the dorms, look at me strange if I don/t book a flight. Why is it so hard to imagine that I just don't want to go to that house in Boise? I don't call it home anymore and haven't for some time now. I must admit there are fun times and I do get excited sometimes to go back. Today I went ice skating and shopping with my mom, I helped make a cake with my brother and tonight we are going to all watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' my all time favorite movie and tradition. I could get caught in the family traditions and joy of the season but I just don't anymore, it is dead to me.

I try to not let the truth of Christ's birth die in my heart but it's hard this time of season, in this house, with these people to celebrate such a joy. A family that yells at each other constantly and hides it all minutes later with jokes and fake smiles. They try to buy happiness and eat happiness but because neither are satisfying they consume more, I'm disguised not so much with them but with myself. As I'm here I easily get caught in the search for satisfaction in such worthless idols. I get caught up in the variety of foods that we can make and eat, I trick my mom in to getting me those things that I think will bring me a better life and I stare at that TV watching movies and episodes of 'Deal or no deal'. It's not that I mad at them its that I mad at myself. Choosing things of this world rather than God and I wonder why it is so hard to read and pray when I'm here! Hard to believe God would still love such a wretch as me, but he does and will forever. He is patient as I need to be with my mom, he is loving as I need to be with my dad, He is forgiving as I need to be with my brother, he is giving as I need to be with my brother and I need to die to myself..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:3-4, but read it all. Christ was born and from there humbly lived, obedient to death, gave all of himself for me and you and my family and this world...dare I complain of my time here as this blog started as, I wanted to throw in the towel and plea that God take me home, I wanted to quit and live for myself in heaven, but that is not how it works only humbly will I enter heaven...I am not humble.

As you read this don't just pray for me but pray for yourself as well because if you don't realize the sin in your own life, if you don't see your own fallen world, wake up! We all need humility...be like Christ oh we can if we die, die, die to our filthy selves and humbly love and serve God's children. This is the family God put me in so that I would face up to the reality and see that God as a 'good' plan for my life, a 'good' plan that brings him glory not me.

If my brother wants me to cook him dinner, than I should. If my mom wants me to go shopping with her than I should. If my brother wants to tickle me than I should let him, and whoever asks from me something let me give freely...for like I told a friend yesterday, 'It is all God's' that includes our possessions and our very selves.

A Dinosaur named Sue!

2006-12-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

I decorated this cake myself!

Sugar High! That is the only problem cause every time the frosting got on me I licked it off. I don't want to know how much sugar I consumed but I know it was a lot because I fell really funny! There was a plus to this dinosaur, to this massive cake project that my dad, my brother and I started yesterday and finished this evening. It was time together with the two of them, time not spent yelling and arguing but just fun time. Plus my dad got to pass his old cake making skills on to two of his kids. On another note it is a plus because when it became my turn to frost I was eventually left alone, so alone I listened to a couple messages and prayed, I got some genuine time with God which has been hard to find here at home. I wanted to share this praise and my new skills at cake decorating!

Now I got to help my brother make a homemade pizza! mmm...

(The dinosaur's name is Sue because one of the things we discussed while making this cake was Johnny Cash's song, 'A Boy named Sue', did Sue want to kill his father?)

Desire

2006-12-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Harry Potter. I thought it better than me wasting my time on TV and movies. From the first book which I have just finished I have gotten the idea for this post. The mirror that allows one to see one's deepest desires.

Also last night I finally watched the second Pirates of the Caribbean. The idea for this blog also comes from that movie. Jack carries around this compass that points one to their deepest heart's desire. For Jack there was never a definite direction but for Elizabeth it pointed to where William was. The one she loves is her deepest desire.

So what is my deepest desire? What is it that my heart longs for above all else? I pray and hope that it is God but I'm afraid that is not so. What if I was to look into that mirror and not see God but instead something else. If I was to hold onto that compass would it point me to God and his word or would it point me down a different path? I'm afraid!

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. - Psalm 73:35

Look at what I have written If I had not the genuine desire of God than I would not have the fear of any other desire being greater. God is most important in my heart no lie of Satan will change this. There still could be things that I'm putting forward in my mind and heart and it is those things that need go. My pray for my self and you is that those things be made clear and be destroyed. If my God, our God is so jealous for our love we not he make it apparent when we are putting other things before him? Maybe not at first but most likely a situation will come when we will have to choice between God and our idols, that is when I pray that we burn our idols and choice the infinite loving God. Let us keep each other in our prayers.

2006-12-13T03:49:00.000-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

2006-12-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

I caught you painting the sky,
I felt your tears fall
I heard your might in the rolling thunder
and now I stand in awe of You.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I want to wake to your beauty
I want to walk with your peace
I want to stand in your strength
I want to live in your love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SKI SKI SKI

2006-12-10T18:17:00.000-07:00

The TEN Reasons I had fun this weekend with Maggie and Laura in Steamboat

1. We saw a fox, a ram and fake horses
2. Maggie didn't get killed by a bear that put Laura into Shock saying, 'Bear, Bear'
3. I did somersaults down the hill and lived to giggle about it
4. Laura falls standing up
5. Visitor center and 'Soda Fountain' Pharmacy
6. Going really fast down a run is fun when you have control
7. Saunas and warm beds
8. Beautiful scenery, Blankets of Snow
9. Funny road trips
10. Relaxing and not worrying about anything except for falling!

"I Love to Ski!"

2006-12-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

it is NOT our time

2006-12-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

I was pondering today our availability for each other. At first I was complaining to my self and God about how as a team we don't fellowship that much, and how we aren't available for each other enough. God quickly reminded me that I too haven't been that available. Not just my time to be a listening ear or a helping had. But my heart hasn't been that available for the team. God what needs to change in my life? What needs to change in our lives? So we can be there for each other...

mad dash in the wrong direction

2006-12-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

As my heart pounded on my mad dash to Weber to print before class today I had a thought. A thought that in my mind is worthy of a post. It is the reason I was dashing, actually running. Flip flops, sweatpants I slept in, t-shirt I wore yesterday and a notebook of scattered papers. The day started at 4am little more tired but content and joy filled. Less than ten hours later I was adding a title and my name to my final honors paper for my final honors class. Sadly I scrolled down my creation only to realize I was one page short of the target, one page short of perfection. Agh the story of my life. Often I have been caught one page short, one point short, one day short of what I had in my mind as perfection. Here I was once again. After what I considered an excellent paper, after pouring my soul out into or maybe just a little. I had to settle with the incomplete creation and since I was running late, funny saying I thought as I ran myself off to the computer lab because I still think the idea of having your own printer silly. I was hot from the sun shining on me as I frantically finished the paper, I was tired from lack of good sleep, I was drained from the life that constantly moves and drags me along, I
was frustrated with a poor paper and I was more frustrated with...

I was more frustrated with my spirit. In the past 2 hours the paper became my number one priority. I turned into the roommate who is demanding as she puts her life as the first in the pair, the roommate I hate. I turned into the friend who shoos you away roughly with not even a word of hello. I turned into the friend who was irritated by your loving attempt to calm my spirits with a hug. I turned into the friend who paid not attention to your presence, in any other situation would have. I turned into that person that nudges people to the side when they are in the way, but don't worry I didn't actually nudge anybody. I was that person I hate, I was so mad at myself that I almost ripped my paper up to show my frustration.

And now I must contniue the frantic dash to finish everything that is due tomorrow. But wait shall I continue the sprirt of evil or will I stop and rest in God and apologize to all those that I hurt?

This is the point in life that I don't understand. The godly life in the world. Spending your time on others, spending your time with God, spending your time fixing mistakes made, spending your time in fellowship, spending your time in serving, spending your time in whatever God calls you up to do. Hair cuts and birthday cakes and late night conversations with friends. But wait is it my time or is it God's?

Crush! It is God's and I must die to myself as he said, I knew this would be hard!
...and I'm dead

All this is ironic because my paper was all about those around me and how they help me to develop myself! Looks like I just wrote my last page!

Grace and Joy

2006-12-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Do you see the beuatiful connection between grace and joy? I do or atleast I think I do. We mess things up royally with our relatioinship with God. We come to our senses that is God changes our hearts. We see our sin, that is God points out every area we messed up. We confess to God and ask to be forgiven by those involved, if the case applies. We trust in his promises, we hold to the hopes we have in him, we bow and give all of ourselves to him...this all sounds as it is the five easy steps to fixing your relationship with God...but they aren't easy and they aren't steps. It requires humility, patience, and complete, I mean complete!, trust in God because all is through him and by him and in him, all is him! That is when you see grace, when God shows you a glimpse of what your wrethchedness deserves and then he wraps you with his love and gentleness and forgiveness and Christ's precious blood, everything we do not deserve...that is grace. That is what brings peace and joy...his message, his good news, his love and nothing of ourselves.

"But the angel said to them, 'do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.'" - Luke 2:10

"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." - Romans 6:11-14

100 things to be thankful for

2006-12-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

1. God's infinite love for me
2. Christ's death on the cross
3. Snow
4. Forgiven sins
5. silence of morning
6. God's listening ear
7. God's patience
8. candles
9. moonlight
10. faithful women
11. Michelle Carter
12. Laura "nilo"
13. sign language
14. chocolate
15. silly conversations
16. encouragements
17. Hope in God
18. a loving church
19. Tom Brown
20. Mandy brown
21. beautiful voices
22. Hymns and true Christmas songs
23. Holy Night
24. old town square
25. bike rides
26. walks in the snow
27. Maggie
28. ski trips
29. my mom
30. my mom's love for me
31. my grandma
32. the deaths of my grandpas
33. warm blankets
34. falling asleep with prayer
35. Ashley's hugs
36. Becky's hugs
37. change for the better
38. Lannea
39. The Word
40. The Living and Active Team
41. Kate the Great
42. Kelsey
43. flowers
44. Daisies
45. root bear
46. dressing up
47. warmth
48. God's holiness
49. Christlike expectations
50. sanctifying work of the Spirit
51. kids
52. skipping
53. dancing
54. worship
55. prayer
56. bond of brothers and sisters
57. front desk job
58. Michelle and Dave
59. smiles
60. tears
61. painting
62. running
63. Faith and Jonah and Rupert
64. bunk beds
65. laptops
66. coffee shops
67. running into friends
68. bell ringers
69. 1300 Laporte
70. Martha Stuart brothers
71. Cristin's snuggling hug-able love
72. ice cream
73. d-team smith
74. that we are always late
75. Stephen's fixed truck
76. 3 broken leaders
77. peace of God that really does transcend all understanding
78. gift searching for loved ones
79. smell of lavender
80. Sovereignty of God
81. Heaven
82. The Shepherd
83. we shall enter his court
84. washed white as snow
85. strength of the Lord
86. His faithfulness
87. 2SE
88. Liz and her fish
89. Lesley's heart for prayer
90. Grace
91. Mercy
92. dogs and turtles
93. hard classes
94. Corbett night dinners
95. Newsom Hall
96. making cookies with my brother
97. drives with my dad
98. shopping with my mom
99. making the table
100. Psalm 100 and God's call for my life

2006-11-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

When we ask to pray for somebody else, do we do it for them or for us or for God? Just think and let me know your thoughts

me and beauty

2006-11-20T17:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever walked and thought and sat and thought, walked up and down sidewalks, sat in coffe shops, drove in the mountains, thought and thought and wonder and dreamed. Read and shopped and listened and watched and searched but yet you come up with nothing? Find yourself gazing off into that which only leaves you wanting more because more might give you answers but it never does. Finishing an orange juice and wondering why you are still thirsty, finish a sandwich and find yourself hungry, go for a walk and find yourself wanting to walk longer, finishing a movie and find yourself still bored, buy cards and a skirit and find yourself wanting morning. We get caught into these lures looking for satisfaction, looking for pleasure and comfort and looking for something to fill the inner longings of our hearts. Then out of nowhere pure beauty displays it's self. So beautiful that with our eyes turned the complete opposite way we find ourselves turning and being satisfied. We drop our drink and stop the movie and throw aside our idols, we grab a coat and shoes and run to it. running, not stopping because we think by running we will get closer, but it is only then that we realize it is all around and it isn't us running after it is God just showing himself. It is not because of the righteous things we had done but because of his mercy...grace...love...Holy God...Father...Son...Holy Spirit. I realized this morning and this evening, in fact all of my life here and there it is only God...the answer to every question is God! A sunset painted by him fills our longing to see beauty, it is his word that fills our hunger and thirst, it is love that fills our loneliness, it is all of Him that leaves us wanting more of Him. I love God but more importantly is that he loves me, can you fathom that? I can't! God is so beautiful so why do we look away? God is so wonderful so why do we go elsewhere? God is so loving so why do we run into other arms? God is so faithful so why do we lack faith and trust?

Abra and Kate time!

2006-11-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Watch out world Kate and I will be together for the next week and that rocks. We just watched a girlie movie, ate pasta and oreos, and made invitations to our tea party! I love Kate and I love the peace of the dorms when everybody is gone, I love having a car to drive because Maggie went home today, I love God and his many blessings and I love not having to go to bed at 10 because I have to get up to go to work. Yeah no work until Tuesday morning! Chris is in my Boise! I love my parents! I feel like a teenager but I love life so praise the Lord for he is good, no he is GOOD!

And what would be a good name for the memory madness team?

Maybe some thing with Jeremiah 31:33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." Sweet verse, and that is what we are doing.

Thank God that my big toe doesn't hurt

2006-11-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

All comes from him, bring him all Praise

Blessed be His Name

Stop and think about that again, everything! EVERYTHING comes from him

every point of a test, every minute with your roommate, every smile, every warm night, every grape, every drop of water, every ray of sun, every phone call, every hug, every spoken and heard word, every breath. That...that breath you just took praise God, every scar, tear and struggle thank him, stop look where you are, look what you have, look at God's blessings...Thank God that my mom clothes me well, thank God for the hair on my head, thank God for my phone, thank God for this laptop, thank God for my parents, thank God that I am warm, thank God that I have water, thank God for all the food in this room, thank God for my bed, thank God that I have a place to celebrate Thanksgiving with, thank God for my glasses so I can see, thank God for the caring friends around me, thank God for random guys who hold the door open for you, thank God for all my classes, thank God for every ounce of knowledge that he has blessed me with, thank God for pictures, thank God for my beta fishes, thank God for my stuff animals, thank God for your Word, thank God that I can memorize verses, thank God that I have people in my life to hold me accountable, thank God for every bit of understanding he has given me, thank God for every situation he has hand picked for me to walk in, thank God that my path is laid out by him, thank God that his mercies are new every morning, thank God that he completly erases all past sins by his sons death, thank God for the cross, thank God for Jesus, thank God for his faithfulness, thank GOd for his love, thank God for his grace,...thank God...thank God...thank God...thank God

Shake me

2006-11-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever shook a tree branch and watched all the leaves fall off. That is what I want God to do to me. Shake off all the dead leaves that we still hold so tightly too. Shake them off so that new leaves can come in, so that he can truly live through us. It's those last leaves that seem to take forever to be shed. When God first starts shaking us when we are first born into him, all that falls is obvious and it seems like all of us is dying and that based on what lies on the ground we assume that we are bear, but we aren't just look. I'm at a point in my life when I know that I need to be more bear, what I have given to him in the past is no longer enough because he wants it all. I cling to my idols, my pride, my ungodly satisfactions, my worldly ideals and all that trash that I still think is a treasure...God just wants us to let go and trust his promise that "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39

Let go that you may cling to an eternal treasure, God himself!

cry of a saint

2006-11-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

God will really take everything away. All that matters is that which is eternal.

For the last couple days I've been amazed and in a sense struggling with my life in this world and my all important life with God. I'm having a hard time studying in class knowing that there are lost souls all around. It is hard for me to plan my day as I walk by an ambulance knowing that somebody is hurting and probably needs you. I can't read my book for my class as I watch somebody screaming in pain. I can't think about all the homework I have to do when I know that my dad as much as he loves me won't be with me forever if he doesn't accept Jesus. This world is lost, falling and doomed for destruction. How can I live a worldly life when I know this? Why is it that I still rather seek the satisfaction of a movie, a game of hearts, food, sleep, clothes and everything else that has become an idol in my life? How can I cry out to be more in love with Jesus when my thoughts wander away from him every minute, my pride still has a throne in my heart, when what makes me comfortable is all that matters, when I still cling to so much of me?

In steps God. Grace, love, mercy, patience, comfort, compassion, gentleness, forgiveness and more and more and more and more. Love and Jesus Christ. Life and victory, rest and faithfulness, understanding. As he reveals how far I am from being like him; he reveals how big and loving he is. For I can not sin more than God can forgive and wash. Oh Grace! Oh God bind my heart to thee. be glorified in me. use me. bring this world to their knees. slow my heart and transform it. break me and restore me. May I suffer and struggle so that you might b glorified. may i hear you when you call. take that which im not giving.

Rock Retreat there and back...

2006-10-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was in Winter Park with 14 of my dearest D-Team members and many other wonderful brothers and sisters.

I wish I had an amazing blog entry to write but all I want to do is say that I'm very thankful for the glimpse of God's beauty, the resting time, the deep messages, the fresh air, the company and the breaking of my heart, soul and pure brokenness that was very much needed. I still don't know all that changed in me and those around me but the most obvious is my desire to read God's word and keep him with me through out the day and at the center of every descison that comes my way.

It was a time to reflect on where my heart was and was going. I found my self thirsting for real worship, real love, real devotion, real trust and real dependence. Just listen and rest God told me and that is when he revealed himself to me. The best thing to hear for my faith is that my faith isn't and shouldn't be dependent on the answer. We are called to ask and expect good, the answer is God's job. I pray for salvations and expect them to happen, God works out the when and how. Give the ball to God with expectation that he will return good.

My heart still has many cold and hard parts that need God's holy touch,...in time

Oh Peter!

2006-10-26T06:42:00.000-06:00

I finished 1 Peter and so here are some thoughts from the end.

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:5-11)

v.5-7 let us all humble ourselves so that grace will be given and in that we shall see this grace bestowed on each of us. Let us not lose sight of grace, of the grace to be given to us.
v.8-9 Resist Satan and his lies, let us all stand firm together in Christ for you and me and all our brothers/sisters are suffering too. But remember this is a good thing though our fleshy sight can't perceive it as such.
v.10-11 what is meant by a 'little while' for even Peter I don't think knows, but God does and promises...you will be restored for God's glory to make you strong, firm and steadfast.

If I had not suffered for more than a year of depression I would not have been so joy-filled, life-embracing, God trusting, and thankful for each of you as I am today. If I had not suffered through planter-fasciitis and my freak bruise a couple summers ago and my struggles with running I would not love it as much as I do now, I would not be as thankful for God granting desires. If I had not along with 60 brothers and sisters undergone suffering of sickness, heat, mockery and what not I would not be as close to God as I am now. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart 2 years ago I would not be running with you now. If I had not denied myself and took up my cross daily I would not be where I am today. Oh praise God for his abundant grace and love. What he has done in us and what he will do today, tomorrow, this weekend, this semester, this year...

with kisses and love I end this
"greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ" - 1 Peter 5:14

Yes I have a website!

2006-10-24T19:34:00.000-06:00

For my Education class I had to create a website for my Web Quest. So if you go to it don't get too excited there is nothing of real fun. But soon I'll turn this into my own website, maybe! check it out at http://mycahs.cahs.colostate.edu/abra.s.mcgillivary/

Excitement and fear

2006-10-23T08:33:00.000-06:00

That is what is filling me up until the Rock Retreat and there after. In fact everyday that I wake up and pray that today be God's day a feeling of excitement and a feeling of fear consumes me. When you give God the reins to your life you know it will be a ride that your Spirit will love and through his hands up in the air on the roller coaster and your flesh will tremble and barf has it holds on for dear life wishing that it would stop. But if you give God everything that means that the excitement and fear won't stop. Your flesh will have to let go and yes fall out and die. It's a sad tale for the flesh but I shall have no remorse for its death, sick? NO!

I'm excited that God will work and me and show himself to me but I'm afraid because I know I will have to say no to things, I will have to change my life and I will have to live a life that to a worldly person is dreadful. But I shall rejoice. I don't know what God wants to change in me but my prayer is that this next weekend I will be transformed and won't turn back. My life I pray from this moment on will be a life of praise and devotion, Obedience and rejoicing, death and life, brokenness and restoration, dependent and satisfying; May this life be completely held by God's Sovereign Will.

Pray this for me and for everybody else that is going.

Childlike faith once again

2006-10-19T06:33:00.000-06:00

I love going to the church Wednesday nights to babysit. You get to play, Eddie gives a lesson, Mrs. Richard does her mother thing so you learn to parent and get this you get to pray with the cutest kids. Not to mention being humbled by kds who know more than you, they maybe small and young but man they are solid in their faith don't overlook a child who follows Jesus.

There is this new family that has 4 beautiful girls. Laura is the youngest and to guess an age I would say 2-3 but I'm not very sure. She is so cute that she gets away with talking while Eddie is teaching even though Mrs. Richard tries to keep her quiet. But when she answered one of the questions last night with the biggest grin, "Jesus!" Your heart melts because she simple knows Jesus loves her. She was also the first to pray, "Thank you for this day and help us get to airport in Mexico" A little slower and more jumbled. That is childlike faith. According to her sister that is what she has been praying everyday for the last few weeks. Their family is planning on taking a trip to Mexico in a couple weeks and so she has been praying for that.

She made me giggle during prayer and also made me think. Do I have childlike faith? To ask and persist in asking knowing that God will answer my prayer. A child trusts their parents to feed them, clothe them, and protect them. God is our Father so won't he do the same. We ask for financial help he will answer, we ask him to not only kiss our pains away but heal them, we ask for knowledge he grants, we ask for salvation of those so dear to us he will move and draw them...

humble, persistent and trusting we come to him in prayer...

either quickly as with Eliezer(Genesis 24:12-20), abundantly as with Solomon (1 Kings 3:3-14), in time as with Mary and Martha (John 11:1-6), with sufficient grace and power as with Paul (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, with strength from an angel as with Jesus (Luke 22:39-46)...he will answer

to that which will give him the most amount of glory!

In Christ Alone - Newsboys

2006-10-17T05:35:00.000-06:00

Amazing lyrics:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

the flesh is nothing and fear is nothing

2006-10-17T05:27:00.000-06:00

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." - 1 Peter 3:6

DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!

When God calls you to do something, do it. Out of love, out of obedience.

"Be self-controlled and alert. YOur enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5:8

Don't let him he has no hold.

Childlike faith

2006-10-15T07:46:00.000-06:00

Nathan spoke for the first time this friday on the promises of God. Starting and ending with the concept...Trust like a Child

Thursday I took a day off, not to sleep in and watch tv and eat junk food but a day of rest, personal retreat that was needed. It was nice to just stop and listen to God, not as easy as it sounds.

One place I went was a where the Poudre river meets Shields. This location was where I was baptized 2 years ago and I haven't been there since I was baptized. I've been meaning to go and find it just for sentimental reasons.

I got there and all the memories flooded back to me. I remember walking barefoot to and from the spot, I remmeber walking down the bank, I remember the rock that shooted out of the water, I remember the cold water, I remember praying to God shortly before it happened. I'm not sure exactly when I knew that my sins were paid but I knew then, when I prayed I knew for real that in my heart I was saved cross, resurrection and life. I remember all the brothers and sisters that came and I remember the hot chocolate afterswards before passing out.

THe real point of this entry is that that spot reminded me of the first days of my walk, the first weeks, the first months. I knew I was thirsty for God, I wanted to know everything there was to know. I read and read, I asked questions, I listened to everybody around me. I was soaking up as much as I could. My child like faith made me so hungry and trusting.

But here I am again realizing that I know so little of my savior and that I need so much more. Here I find myself having to review the simple truths that God really did send his son for me and that I'm called by God. Here I am asking for childlike faith to crave and believe in every promise and truth. Here I am asking for the boldness to proclaim your name as I so quickly did the first moments of my walk.

May we all humble ourselves and look to God as our Father who cares for us, who loves us with a love that sends his son to the cross for us. I want to trust like a child and have the faith like a child.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:15

Still Here

2006-09-28T06:22:00.000-06:00

I'm writing to let you know I'm still here...alive and well...oh and God is still good!

I've been thinking about something lately...The season of fall, autumn, what every you may call it. I love when the trees change color and fall, drift to the ground. I was sitting on my loft yesterday looking out the window like I always do up there. I was watching the leaves fall from the giant trees on the South side of Newsom, if you don't know what I'm talking about you should come check it out. Grab a book and lay in the leaves as they fall on you and the gentle breeze lets you know you are still alive, the sun shines and you you drift into a nap, oh I love it! So back to the leaves.

Somebody pointed out to me that this time of the year is often associated by students as a beginning of something but yet it is a time of leaves falling and dying. It brings me to the point of "Things must die before there is life. Think about the Christian life, think about what God calls us to do. We are called to die so that we might truly live, we are called to take up our crosses daily, die to yourself everyday so that life could flow through you.

"How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies" - 1 corinthians 15:36
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." - Col 3:3
"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;'" - john 11:25

Death and life...my thoughts will continue

I'm falling deeper in love...

2006-09-21T09:35:00.000-06:00

...as I go through the thick and thin with God I find more tear fill my eyes, my grin gets bigger and my heart gets lighter. I don't really know what it is like to truly be in love but I think that it's like this. Oh how sweet is my time in God's love, everyday that I trust him brings me closer and closer to him and his deep love for me. I just want to go deeper and deeper, I just want to fall completely in his hands, surrendering everything to my king...

"I was washed with the blood of my lover, poured on to me, oh what true love this is"

2006-09-21T09:34:00.000-06:00

"Falling in love" by Falling Up

You are my one true love
You are the voice that is so sweet
In everything I do, you bring the best out of me
You are my wings to fly
You are the wind beneath them
I miss you every night, when I close my eyes
You put your feelings down
You stopped your tears you brought me love
You held on to my heart
You held with hope to have me near
Sometimes I close my eyes
Sometimes I let my hunger rise
I think of all you are, you are the love of my life

(Chorus X3 )
All of my dreams and my passions
Are in your hands

You reached me in my need
Your rhythm flows under my skin
I need you desperately,
A sweet healing that will begin
You are my one true love
You are the voice that is so sweet
In everything I do, you bring the best out of me
My everything is you
The very motions that I move
And everything with richness
The richness of the peace you bring

(Chorus X3)

Always, always you are with me (X3)

(Chorus X3)

You are the love of my life
He comes to find you on your knees

I quit

2006-09-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

I finally got up the courage to quit my engineering lab job. I never realized how big of a step of faith it was until I got to the entrance of the building where my boss worked. I stood still for the longest time, frozen with fear...but I reflected back to what I prayed this morning for this moment, I asked for courage and boldness and sure enough in response..."When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted" (Psalm 138: 3)...and I remembered that God was good, a basic truth but yet sometimes so hard to wrap your mind around...

Done...

I cried as I said goodbye because before in my mind I was saying goodbye to a job, to work, to money, to time that should be spent else where...but I forgot I was saying goodbye to the people as well...I love my boss and my co-workers but one must move on...

Peace...oh the sweet joy of peace and knowing that I just obeyed God, he is pleased.

That was hard...so what is next?

If you lead me...

2006-09-16T09:50:00.000-06:00

These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:7)

I'm about to take a step that I'm more than scared of, I'm frightened...but why? Why is that when we are about to take steps I mean leaps of faith we curl up in fear and tremble...why is it that tears stream down my face and my heart skips a beat? I need to trust God and not just the christian to do of saying "Trust God" but the real "Trust God" or I'll end up in a ditch cold and hungry wondering why I didn't just take the step of faith...So now that I have you on the edge of your seat I guess I'll tell you what kept me awake last night and what brought tears when I arose this morning..."I'm quitting" What you ask? My job at the engineering lab. A good paying job, with flexible hours, easy load of work, free printing, silence most of the time, and great people. There I told God last night and I''m telling you this morning so in stone it lies...

Last night I asked for a message that would guide me and show me some direction because I felt like my world was being tossed in a bowl like a salad and I couldn't take much more of it...I need the light to shine on my path and I needed something in my life to stop spinning...God never dishes out more than you can handle and so right when my last finger was breaking loose from my hold, God caught me...The message was in my mind a message about making yourself available and open and humble so that God could guide and direct you where he wanted you..."If you lead me Lord I will follow, where you lead me Lord I will go..." (Invitation Fountain by Michael J. Pritzl)...so he did and now I will follow

It only makes sense to leave you with a verse that kept me hanging on yesterday until the evening when God had a message for me. It reminds of when Brandon Pullen told us in New Orleans about when he was looking for housing for us. John Meyer told him to look and if nothing found by Friday, come back and we'll go somewhere else this summer. So come that thursday night no housing was found and no leads where clear but faith kept this brother praying and barely, but still believing. And sure enough God provided the next day. Oh how easy it would have been to just quit Thursday night. Oh how easy it is for us to quit right before God answers...right before God shows his glory...Hang on there dear saint whatever God is pressing on your heart or whenever you are at the point of just giving up, don't it could be the night before...That person on your heart that you've been pleading with God to be saved maybe tomorrow the angels will sing or maybe you are trusting God with a provision or something and there doesn't appear to be any hope that anything is on the way just maybe at your doorstep it will lie or maybe the next phone call is the answer...

Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm 55:22)

2006-09-10T16:13:00.001-06:00

Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me (John 16:32)

Why?

2006-09-09T23:00:00.000-06:00

Why does my heart hurt so? Why do I find this room to be so cold? Why do so many people cry themselves to sleep? Why do we wander about this world in seek of that glitter, that shine, that something that we think will make us happy? Why do we seek to satisfy the flesh? God it has never lasted, the laughter of a joke ends, the warmth of hot tea cools, goodness of chocolate melts away in our mouths, the shouts of victorious ball games quiet down, the movie ends and we are left alone in this cold world…or at least until we get up again and search to find that pleasure…once again in the dark, in tears we find…until we face the truth…only in God will the smiles remain Forever, the warmth will stay, the sweet love will remain, the honor of victory will not be taken away, the story, well the story is being written right now…the story is you, not Audrey Hepburn, but you! God is writing our stories and these ones take more than two hours, they are…FOREVER! There will still be cold nights and tear drenched pillows but not alone, nobody wants to be alone…just open your eyes. .. … …. That rainbow, that cloud, that hug, that squirrel, that bird, that rain drop, that rain drop and that one and that one and…that sound…that thunder, that crack, that stillness, that whisper…”Abra…I love you!” shh…stop the music, it’s a train whistle (funny)…home…stop and listen to your heart, mmm…rest and peace for God is good and knows our hearts, knows our struggles and knows how to make things better…kiss the elbow and smile…for the pain lasts only a while but the joy and love well that’s FOREVER!

Acting like a Christian

2006-09-08T07:57:00.000-06:00

I wish I had some prefound thought on the subject but I'm only bringing it up in order to start thinking. This subject has been popping up in my world for the past 2 weeks...

It all started or at least me really starting to think about it...some friends of my roommate (luckly not best friends) stopped by to see our dormroom and then while there began to plan what would be done next, drinking of course because that is the only way to have in this world, right! I was only mildly disgusted with their idea to have "fun" because lets face it that is what most college students do, sadly:( But when 2 of them openly shared that they were Christians that is when my heart stopped and I had to fight back the urge to cry a lake or lock them in the room until they come to their senses. Neither of the 2 happened, I even tried to find a verse against drunkness but my eyes would not see the references in my concordence. Why did God not reveal to me verses? I don't say this as anger to him but wanting to know why that wasn't the right time. After they left I looked again and they were as clear as day to read. I wanted to yell at God for not stopping them and for not changing their hearts but all I could do was cry. Their words hurt me..."Following Jesus all the way to the keg"...it still hurts. How can God take this when his children sin...my heart felt it for those 2...God feels it for everybody...every second...every sin! That is when I really broke down...I sin...I was sinning that night with my hate and judging...I'm sinning right now with my pride and fear..."For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" (romans 3:23)

Where am I going with this? I don't know because I don't understand.

Moving on to another conversation I had with 2 girls on my hall. We talked about how non-christians watch us like hawks when we claim to be "Christians" they watch our lives and that is when we must come to God everyday and call to him to fill us with the Spirit. That is why we strive to be Christ like, that is why we die to ourselves and surrender our lives at the cross. But that isn't why! We don't live for them, but by living for God we show the world what it means to live as a christian.

Next...A fellow sister was telling me last night that she was disgusted with some of her friends from high school who all want to become pastors but yet their facebook pictures are covered with drinking and playing beer-pong. I don't want to spread gossip but just show that yet again this subject came up in my world. What does this world think of when they think of christians? Hiprocrites or lights? What am I? Do I go about my day speaking of God and how amazing he is when the whole day my heart is being proud, I'm not forgiving people in my life, I'm judging and basically my thoughts are on myself and my heart is cold. Am I a hypocrite?

...Wow! God is amazing because at this very moment 2 saints walked into the engineering lab. Hi's and verses shared...Wow this is the verse given to me, which just goes to show that God is working in our lives when we don't expect it: "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." (1 John 2:1-6)

I'm just going to let God speak for himself as he has, for here is a verse from our small group's bible study last night, yet another verse that I didn't think of myself: "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:1-6)

Summary: If you are Christian walk as Jesus did and when you stumble and fall, remember Christ died on the cross for everyone of your sins, so live in his victory and in God's Grace.

Morning Prayer

2006-09-05T06:12:00.000-06:00

I don't want to mess up my life, I want a listening heart and a tamed flesh so that I can hear your voice and feel your Spirit move instead of me. I want to act like your Queen, be as humble as your servant and as trusting as a child. O LORD, King and Father. You transcend all time...let me be patient and wait...give me strength to beat my flesh...teach me to guard my heart...guide me to walk straight...walk in faith trusting in who you are, imitating you in grace and love and by doing so find peace and rest in you Almighty and that is where my hope will be found in your return and may you find faith in your saints...my life let it be all for your glory henceforth that is my joy and let it not fade in the waves of struggle...finding complete satisfaction in you may that be my contentment...For you are Good!

"Call on me and I will answer and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" - Jeremiah 33:3

May I focus my thoughts and gaze on you. You are my first true love...that is why on my finger lies your ring, eternally. May everything I am, do and say be pleasing to you in light of Jesus' death for only by your grace...do I stand before your throne. Thanks and Praises go to you who is faithful, loving and good to all your children. Hear the cries of all the saints to you today, may their prayers be from sincere hearts...incenses in heaven rise this morning. All Honor and Praise and Glory to you..."Holy, Holy, Holy"...forever may we sing...

Oh sweet rain!

2006-09-01T07:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was tired and in pain and so I laid down to take a nap in my high rising dorm loft, oh how sweet. Midway through such said nap the rain began to pour. I smelled it with joy, felt little droplets squeeze through the screen of my window and tap my face and hand, I felt the breeze of the cool light wind, I heard the tap of rain drops on the window pane and the loud crack of lightening. Oh what a glorious nap. God knows I love the rain so thank you dear sweet lover. He is so good to us and so loving. I can't deny it. Thinking back on my honors seminar and it's search for self, asking questions about what is real and what we can trust. I don't know anything but the only thing that matters, God is real and loves me. His son died for each one of my sins and now I can stand with courage before my God, my King, my Lover. Oh what joyous resting truth.

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' - Jeremiah 33:3

'Not much scares us'

2006-08-29T18:56:00.000-06:00

Oh the truth, even though the author of this quote was referring to horror movies, there is truth in it. Where is the fear of God? Maybe God will bring back the days of the old testement stories when God would just strick somebody dead like Uzzah, they were made an example of. "The LORD's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God." - 1 Chronicles 13:10 You knew what things were wrong, you knew what God hated but now what? Godlessness is everywhere but nobody has been struck dead. Might I get struck dead? Do I have the fear of God in me?

"...but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30 For us women we are called to have the fear of Lord in us, do I?

forever never?

2006-08-27T07:11:00.000-06:00

a poem of hope
i wish to write
of joy and love
but only a poem
of terrible end
sorrow and love
i can create
i read revalation
and call you
how can i deny
that if you die
forever and never
shall be

goodbye one last
i hope God will
change your cold heart
repent of your past
present and future
come to your Lord
knees and tears
my poem, my pray

I died and my life
is in him
onlyy a God could
explain where i've come
only God can change
your heart
no word of mine
not me but him
and open arms
he waits
waited for me
and now you

i will continue
to write and call
and visit
as serious as death
you stand
if death came near
would forever
not be never

written july 2006

2006-08-27T07:09:00.000-06:00

Praise Our God for he is Good!

Only He can make rain fall on a sunny day

"Who am I"

2006-08-24T11:05:00.000-06:00

I was born on April 1st, 1986 and yes that is April fool’s Day, which is part of me because on this day people make extra effort to laugh and to make others laugh. This is a goal of mine, well maybe not a goal but it just kind of happens. Maybe because I try to embrace life, enjoy life! When you enjoy life you can’t help but smile and can’t help but not care what others think. That is why I’m often found in funny situations, like when cleaning my room or whenever I do any kind of clean up I always end up wearing what I find. If it just be a big hat, belt and cape so be it or maybe it is Mardi Gras decorations, or maybe crepe paper, or whatever, I try to have fun in times that often we don’t, like cleaning or waiting in line or before class or walking somewhere or hanging out with friends. I’m the girl that is often found dancing in the rain, singing in the shower, skipping to class, chasing squirrels, laughing in the Cafeteria when she is found shouting out “Abra – Ham” while holding up a piece of ham, and so the laughter goes on. But it isn’t all about laughing for laughter is too much of an attention getter and that is why I really like to smile even more. Smiling at people everywhere and attempting to have a moment with a random stranger as we smile at each other. Changing a person’s frown to a smile or even just a grin makes me smile more. It isn’t about me it is about the smile and the joy of life, if it be me or somebody else or both, that is what I love. I love children when they are just glowing with that innocent smile, they love life. I love seeing older couples smiling at each other because you know, that smile isn’t fake, that smile comes from hardship and struggles and a genuine love of life together! That leads me to the other part of me the hearty and more deep part, I too have gone through hard times. Those times when you just can’t smile for real and you just don’t have to. The times when all I can do is cry myself to sleep, the times when even the love of a dog when it licks my hand doesn’t lift my heart, these are the times when I think I really grow as an individual. I have to chose to lift my head, seek help in whatever form it maybe (doctors, therapy, medication or the hug of a friend) and see the hope. Joy! Not instantly but from every struggle and trial comes joy, not to be confused with the word “happy” because from my point of view Joy doesn’t mean laughter and smiles, it means embracing life, being thankful. Every second here is a gift of grace from God.

I was born again September 24, 2004. That day my “Who am I” story changed. My identity is now in Him. I am a daughter of God, I’m promised an eternal life with my creator, savior, king and father. I’m promised a life that will never be apart from his love, even during the hard times. I’m promised purpose in life because he has a good plan for me. I’m promised an ever-present helper and the list goes on. My passions are even deeper and my enjoyments in life are more satisfying because I enjoy them with Him. I love running even more because I can pray and talk to him every time and in the mornings I can look at His sunrises. I love the outdoors everything from wind and rain to the grass and trees to the eagle and the grasshopper. I love just going for hikes and bike rides or just sit out and look at the clouds and rustle of the leaves by day and the stars and moon by night. Before I go to bed ever since I was a little girl I would just stare out my window it has always been calming and a comfort as though somebody is watching over me and now I know it to be true. I love movies with friends that make you cry and/or laugh hysterically. I love music that makes me dance or calms me to a peace that leaves me reflecting upon my king. I love hugs from a friend you haven’t seen in a long time. I love driving to the airport to drop off/pick up a friend. I love to look into people’s eyes especially when they are sharing a passion because you can see the joy in their eyes. I love road trips with friends across the country; the past 2 years I have gone to Iowa City twice, New Mexico, Missouri and Louisiana twice. I love bugs and am excited to take entomology in the spring. I am currently colleting playing cards one card at a time until I have a full 52 card deck of random cards and random stories of where they were found. My middle toe is longer than all the rest which always reminds me that I am an unique individual so embrace it. We are all different and that is beautiful. We are all a story that should be read but right now we are writing it…

Pray for Randy

2006-08-22T04:58:00.000-06:00

Thank you God for a story that one can clearly say was from you. Only through your power and bigness could it have happened. Last night I was tired and sore but part of me thought I should go distribute papers for the student voice, so I went. Prayer, assignments, go!

Our team got a map and a list, but wait one of the buildings wasn't on the map but it was on the list, odd! I was sent off to the animal sciences building and the the microbology (not on the map so I had no idea where to go) I thought maybe it was next to the animal sciences building but it wasn't. Now it is night so nobody is around and there are no maps. But by God's will there was this man in the distance and so I asked and sure enough he knew! Since it was on the way to his car he walked with me.

He told me that is baby daughter just went of to college and I told him that I have an idea how it feels because when I left it was hard on my dad as well, for I was the baby girl in the family as well. Instantly he was grateful. He told me alot, especially about his website, which I'll post on here at the bottom. It is a art site, graphic art. It's purpose is to encourage especially those who have lost a loved one. He started it 2 years ago without any knowledge of technical art, but he was burdened to put together this site. He was a man of passion to help those in pain.

To top it off he is a Christian and shared his gratitude for the cross. Seeing this as an hour that was planned by God I asked him for prayer request. Pray that Randy keeps up this sort of ministry for though he knows it has helped many it is hard to do it and he often gets discouraged. Pray for his son, Ben, that he would return to the Lord.

Thank you God for Randy and for the opportunity to be used by you to encourage a brother.

www.desertsnow.org

Our Maker and Lover

2006-08-19T10:38:00.000-06:00

I'm not much of a creationist or much of a romantic but one doesn't have to be one to see God's glory all around. What started out as a sort of depressing walk because I began to feel as though my world was slowly crumbling and during the summer I didn't notice. But wait I told myself as I found myself slowly slipping from the truth of God's power and goodness, but wait...don't let Satan have a foot hold on you or those you love...hold to your Rock!...Okay God I'm speechless but you know my heart you know where I'm taking my mind...stop me, help oh merciful and loving God, I choose you...I Love You and You Love Me! The two metal bands around my finger remind me of this...There is victory in you, I've seen it, I know it, I really know and believe...Your Cross! My sins are forgiven, you bought me, you died for me...The cross around my neck oh as a reminder of this truth, there is, there is victory in you...Oh and there is more, for the Godhead is three...Holy Spirit I know you are there, I feel you moving inside, sometimes very faintly and sometimes very strongly, you are there I know! Guide me oh God!

And so as I was walking from my dorm to the forest that so many times before has been a place for me to meet God. The mist in the air to some was an odd sort of thing but it has always been a favorite, so I know it was no coincidence. I love to walk in mist and rain for I feel more connected with God. Getting to the forest I just stopped and started feeling the pine needles of this one tree. Odd sort of thing if you grab for it you get pricked and don't successfully grab a hold of it but if you sweep your hand the direction of the needles it flattens out and you find your self holding and petting this branch. On to a different pine tree, it had different needles and they were more stiff but the same idea. I began touching every leave as I looped my self through the forest. Each tree was different and each leaf was different. It was amazing to think that God made each different like that. He determined the size of the leaf, the feel, the type, the number of ripples(veins), what else was on the tree(fruit, flowers, cotton). God did this and even greater still is he made each of us even more complex than these trees, wow...my creator...every mole on my skin known, every vein, every hair, every wrinkly crease, every cell...WOW!

Even more amazing to me is not so much that he knows how many hairs are on my head but that he knows every tear that I shed, he knows every time my heart sinks, he knows every sorrow, every pain, every struggle...every joy, every smile, oh every smile, every sunny moment, every laugh, every love...he knows all and loves all. He is as gentle as a leaf that catches a raindrop and as patient as a hand that waits for every raindrop/tear that falls. He is gently waiting for his children, each one to run to him...Oh what a resting and peaceful thought. Just stop and rest in that peace...(run home)...stop and smell him in the rain, hear him in the birds and the rustle of the wind, taste him in the cold air and the sweet honey of a comb, and see him in the shades of color all around, feel him in the leaves and the raindrops that fall to your skin...Kisses! Close your eyes and feel each drop touch your face...God is in control of each rain drop...kisses from God...if that doesn't brighten your day then ask God to reveal himself to you because he will...really...For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. (Romans 1:20) God is all around even during the darkest nights.

Are you awake?

2006-08-13T01:22:00.000-06:00

I reread my blog entry about train whistles this night because right before I shut my eyes for bed I heard that faint but near sound of the train whistle. I instantly thought of my entry about train whistles and how it for me was a sound of fear of God because something in my life wasn't right. But this not the whistle had a different effect, still a sound of fear of God but this time I thought of being on the verge of seeing something glorious. Maybe I'm still on a spiritual high from the summer or maybe the Holy spirit within me is causing my soul to excite for what is to come. "Jesus said to her, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?'" - John 11:40 we will see the glory of God...SEE THE GLORY OF GOD!

the train whistle was like God awaking me, my soul to the idea of his great plan, Oh to see this plan unfold, to be in this plan, to be used by God. It is like God unrolls the map to plan the attack and begins to shout out orders, you go here, you do this...Abra I want you to be here...be on your guard my warriors. "But be on your guard. For they will deliver you over to councils, and you will be beaten in synagogues, and you will stand before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them." - Mark 13:9

Work hard, battling for him, give your all to him, and don't find yourself sleeping and missing it all, I don't want to miss it. "For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night." - 1 Thess 5:2 This very night he could come...Are you awake?

Are you to be pitied or just disappointed?

2006-08-12T16:29:00.000-06:00

"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men" - 1 Corinthians 15:19

I never claimed to be much of a writer but when thoughts in verses constantly repeat in my head or when I read something that just leaves me in that moment of speechless ness and awe because your little world was just turned upside down and the containts of your box was dumped on the floor, I just have to write.

Well if you think your box is not very well organized or your world seems a little too plain...give it to God...Oh there is no turning back after that at least I hope. I never heard of amusment park rides going backwards or people driving backwards on a freeway. Once you give your life to GOd be prepared to let go of the stearing wheel and the gas pedal.

Any who, that above verse and John Piper's words in "Desiring God" (A must read) about suffering and pretty mch everything else awoke me, or at least was the poke right before God dumps the bucket of ice water on my head, I can't really tell. But I do know that I'm having to rearrange my box and put everything back in, or not. I guess I'm getting around to throwing away all the trash that was cluttered in my heart and my head.

That leads me to giving up that fleshly part of me that just wants to fit into the world, some don't see me as one who has problems standing out well your wrong, we all do. We all want to fit in, have newest fashion, the newest techno thing, the newest car, the best job, the newest this and that, the best this, the best that...Conforming to the world ( what we shouldn't be doing according to Romans 12) is hard work...but that is what our flesh wants to do...really it is us trying to satisfy that desire God put in us, which we don't realize that he is the piece. We are like the kid trying to put the square block in the circle hole, it doesn't work to well, so then we try the triangle block, still don't work...we need the circle...we need God...Why that seems easy!

That leads me to what poked at my head last night what Travis said during worship night at the Rock, we sometimes wake up forgetting God until much later in the day. When he said that I just thought he was silly and proudly thought to myself I could never forget God...but wait!...we do...I do. So often I just forget about him and I forget about the time it was revealed to me that the circle block goes in the circle hole...that God satisfies us completely!

John 3:29 - Joy complete
1 Thess 5:23 - Sanctify completely
James 1:4 - be complete

What trully brought me to the point of writing my thoughts was this quote in the book I' currently reading (The Burden is Light by Eugenia Price)
"I am either stumbling onto Reality or I'm on my way to a padded cell. It has to be one or the other." She was on the verge of excepting God at this point, she recgnized that if she was going to become a Christian she would have to be a full out disciple not some luke warm only go to church on sundays dead christian. She recognized that God was not just another accessory in our closet, oh no he is the center, the foundation, the core, the rock, where our heart should be beating for, our bones ache for, our souls thirst for, our feet run to, and our voices sing to..."As long as I live I will live for you"..."It all for you, I'm letting go, I'm letting go"..."Jesus You are the reason I live"...The worships songs to ring in me today from last night and so does Paul's words "If only for this life we have hopein Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."

Brothers and sisters what are you living for?
Are you living a life that is to be pitied more than all men if the resurrection wasn't true, if Christ wasn't real?
Do others see God in you? (without the cross around your neck, the ring on your finger, the christiany shirt, the bible verses adorning your room, the bible in your hand) Is your very life reflecting God's Glory?

God be the center

2006-08-08T12:50:00.000-06:00

Whenever I go into a store, coffee shop, somebody's house and pretty much any where I find myself envisioning destruction. I see fire engulf items, I see things floating in ten feet high flood waters, I see people left with only the clothes on their back, I see everything destroyed. I can't help it, Going to New Orleans awoke me to the matrialism of this world, of those around me and of my very self. And just like those I met in New Orleans they continue to collect those burnable items, those worldly idols that prevent us from standing before our God with confidence. The whole concept of "It won't happen to me" and "it won't happen again" There is no fear in any of us. I have no fear! I envision destruction all around me but yet I have no fear. I read verses telling me to sell all I have, give up all of me, give up my life, etc. I read about missionaries who God used to do amazing things and all the sacrifices they made and yet they said "I made no sacrifice". I recall my summer and which I lived in a run down B and B, endured the daily hot and humid weather, had to share a room and a bed, eat with plastic siverware, walked to work, had only enough clothes to last me a week and a half, I was rarely allowed to go off by myself, worked until my arms ached, ate the same thing every week and so on. THe kicker is I miss that life I miss how in sense it was easy to trust God because it was your only option. I had to find joy in him because there wasn't much that my flesh found fun, I had to find love in him so I could stand living with that many people for 10 weeks, I had to find contentment in him because my flesh was never going to find it. I had to trust in him, but now I'm back..."cultural shock" some might say..yeah! Because like that believer from China said about America we can get by without God...in a sense it is harder to trust God when at home I can eat all I want, I can sleep in my own room, I can watch whatever I want on tv or whatever movie, I can go shopping and get any clothes I want, I can just turn up AC when I get hot, I can sit on my bum all day, I can do and go anywhere I want without God! That is scary! The temptations are so close and the devil is trying hard to bring us along in life not realizing until we get to the moment before God when he judges all we have done and all we have to bring to him is a closet full of clothes, a fast red sports car, a fridge of tasty delights, a bank account full of numbers and a heart of stone.

You read this and your bones shake but then what, you listen to the revival hymn finding your breath quicken then what, you see the world and the lost in the eyes of God then what, you stop your sinning for 30 minutes or maybe a couple hours and then forget how your heart ached for what God's heart aches for then what? Then what? God I pray that our hearts change, that you move in us for only you God can mold my heart.

More Churches on Overland, not Franklin

2006-08-06T20:24:00.000-06:00

Have you ever found yourself on the course of Romans 7, stuck in that rut of wanting to follow God but your flesh powerfully is preventing you? Your mind is constantly wandering and your heart is tangled in sin, you just want to shout out "Victory!". This road is not a good one to be travelling down. Unless you let go and give God the wheel and get back on track you will only find yourself traveling farther and farther away from him and his real victory. Read on to Romans 8 and God's unseen brillant "Good" plan for your life. I don't know if I spoke clearly but I didn't hold this truth back, this revelation that may not be as important to you as it was to me. We all struggle with sin and trusting God with our lives.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 (Carved into a wooden plague at my grandma's house, who knows how many times I saw it and read it but until God touched my heart it remained just another grandmaish decoration. It still remains another grandmish decoration but at the right moment in time it reminded me the truth of the cross. Check with God that you are still on the "good" road)

The day Germany lost to Texas in soccer

2006-08-02T19:46:00.000-06:00

Today started with a ring on my doorbell, an odd sort of thing when you are mid-dream. My eyes open on the way to the door to find one of the cutest girls in my world. The next door neighbor Carissa, 7 years blonde blue eye aka 'Munchkin', greets me with much excitement to weed the garden. Quickly getting dressed and grabbing breakfast I pray a quick prayer for the day. I don't know how the next 5 hours glorified God but I know they did. We weeded, drank water, swung on a swing where I won the game, ate popsicles, rode bikes to the depot to look at orange fish and climb rocks, we rode back, played soccer where I(Germany in honor of Chris and Dave and their soccer tournaments) lost to a 7 year old Carissa and a 8 year old boy (They were Texas because I guess that is another country!), ate another popsicle, played baseball, played massive neighborhood hide and seek, played chase the new neighbor dog around a tree and the day ended with me staring at the tv for that instant satisfication that I once got before but now brought me not even an ounce of enjoyment. THat wasn't my whole day but it was the main chunck of it because when I come home, I come home to serve and love my family but also to spend time with and love on my 2 little neighbor girls. THey are apart of my life, a blessing from God.

Just a thought

2006-07-31T22:12:00.000-06:00

'No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us' - 1 John 4:12

That connects with 1 Peter 1:8 that we memorized yesterday. The love for God when we don't see hi. This 1 John opens up that idea of glimpses of heaven, glimpses of God. We all so desperately want to see him and that is a godly, biblical desire but let us not miss out on what God has for us in the mean time. His love is made complete in us. He has given us each other not so much as a substitute but as a part of him. God is here with us, we in a sense can see, touch, hear...His love is around us, in us, and with us. Awe...It is like when my dad us to bake cakes and to make sure the layers were the same and everything was smooth he would cut of pieces of cake. And of course we could eat these pieces. We enjoyed them very much, we still got cake later and the cake later was the best because there was more and icing. But those scrapes were so good. It's like God's love, its not time for us to go home yet and enjoy all of God face to face. But he cuts off those pieces of himself to let us enjoy until we get to the full thing. He wants us to enjoy all of him. Let us not throw those scraps away. We can enjoy both, aka all of Him...'God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.'

God Love, Love God

2006-07-30T23:32:00.000-06:00

What do cotton balls, snow, cotton candy and flour have in common?

It's not a joke, its the only way I can explain the beauty that God just blessed me with. I have been praying and striving so much to love God and see his love for me. So on my flight from Denver to Salt Lake I was half concious but I know it wasn't a dream. The plane flew through a cloud and not just one little one, a mass of cloud, a city/ kingdom of clouds. I thought I was in Heaven or atleast on the way. It was dark in spots at first but then we would break through and you could see the sun and the light stretched forever. THe city of clouds was just like those four things above. Imagine a hill land covered in snow (covered to the point where you can't see anything else). Now cover that with the shape of a million giant cotton balls. Imagine seeing parts of the city look like mounds of flour like when you pile it up for baking(or playing!) Toss into the sky of this city strips of white stuff like when you pull of chunks of cotton candy. It is all the purest white you can imagine and the light of the sun touches it all with that warm heavenly light. It was a gift from God that I hope I never forget. On top of that he gave a glimpse of a sunset from above, think about it because I can't even explain it.

Witnessing this brought so much joy and peace to my heart. I sat and thought about his love for us, for me. The verse that John and I talked about and then memorized came to mind. "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." - 1 Peter 1:8 He gave me this gift but yet I still have yet to see him. I thought about some of the best gifts I've gotten and how I know which gift was given by whom. The best gifts aren't as important as the person that gave it to me. It's my love for them that I cerish most. So stop and imagine and think about how much we enjoy and delight in the gifts God gives us. Clouds, sunsets, stars, mountains, grass, breezes, lighting, rain, etc. See it, we cherish God more! Do you see it? I love all these things so much and have spent so much time just looking and staring and aweing over them. "...let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" - Heb 12:28-29 I love this God of mine, I REALLY DO!

An older male version of myself 2 years ago

2006-07-05T09:29:00.000-06:00

We went out sharing for the 4th of July last night.

The first and only man we talked to was me! Yes?

He was this nice man, about 50's I would guess, from California but he had sort of an Irish accent. I asked him who Jesus Christ is to him and he replied that he didn’t believe in God. He said he wasn’t a religious man and has never been to church. More questions later found out that his mom was very religious and made him pray, he never liked it. His beliefs are only in what he sees in the since that you can’t see God so he doesn’t exist. He believed that when we die we die just like the trees and just go back into the dirt. There seemed to be a lot of hurt and anger. Because he asked how a loving God could allow the hurricane to happen and allow all the deaths in Iraq. But when we asked what he thought about a just God he didn’t respond. He mentioned that this world was hell and so we asked him where was heaven then and he instantly stopped talking to us. So we said goodbye and wished him the best.

He reminded me of myself because I use to think that the idea of a God was silly and that people devoted so much time to something that you couldn’t see. I also thought that there was no afterlife and like this man said we just die like a tree dies. My heart just really went out to this man. And our God is a faithful and loving God so I know this man will be in heaven! God changed my heart and so I know he will change this man’s heart.

Our faithful God

2006-07-05T08:59:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I gave it to God in the morning and made it a point to keep him in my day and sure enough he did, showing himself to me when I asked. THe first answer to prayer was when a few of us prayed in the morning one of the girls here prayed that her family's tv would break so that when she would go home at the end of summer, she would beable to talk to her parents. Sure enough her dad talked to her an hour later and his tv broke. I jumped a foot when I heard because God showed us that he is faithful!

So before I left for work I prayed that I would be done by 5:30 because that is when our shift ends, but lately we have had work loads that keep us later and it is my first day back from being sick. It was a request that could only happen by God's hand. I got my board, all checkouts and vacants!(=hard) But I gave it to God. It started as a discouraging day because I didn't seem to be getting much done. But I knew God would be faithful to me. Lunch didn't sit to well in my stomach but I knew God wanted me to work the whole day because I prayed for that the night before and so I prayed for the pain to go away, he was faithful.

Around 2:30 a suprivisor came and told me Amy was sick and so for some of her occupies they crossed out some of my vacants! Yes because occupies take less time. But they were on different floors so I thought it would be more of a hassle. I didn't have keys to them so I called down and had to wait a few minutes for somebody to tell me to go to security to get them, only for them to direct me to my suprivisors. There I couldn't find anybody but The keys were there. It was discouraging but I knew what seemed like a waste of time was going to work out in the end. Sure enough God was faithful. The first occupy was a do not disturb, the next one all they wanted was bed made and more towels (oh and that was a suite which are bigger and so normally take longer!) I went to the next floor for the last of the rooms I got from Amy. On the landing GOd blessed me with face towels that I needed all day! and that room was an easy clean and had left a tip (a little gift from God) So I got back to my floor and worked by faith.

About 5:00 I started my second to last room. I prayed to God that he was a faithful God and I trust him that I will be done by 5:30 I don't know how but I know he is faithful (it normally takes an half hour a room) I went to drop off the laundry from that room and 2 of my sisters appeared, what a blessing from God) So the 3 of us cranked out those 2 rooms and I was done by 5:30! God worked in other little ways but I just had to share that story because all praises go to him and we all need to be reminded that our God is a faithful God!

A Letter to my fellow Saints

2006-07-03T16:56:00.000-06:00

I'm writing to you an update on how we are doing in New Orleans. Physically we are on a rise after a major fall here. The neuro virus, at least that is what we have decided it is, hit us pretty bad. It started with one girl bringing it back from her workplace and it quickly spread in a matter of days half of us that is 30 people were sick with stomach pains and diarrhea! Now there are only about 15 or so that just have minor aches but are unable to eat other foods then what is on the BRAT diet, mmmm!!! Pray that the sicknesses completely die and we regain complete strength.

Emotionally it was way exciting for the Smith D-Team here because Chris, Eddie and Liz arrived. Great fun has been had but Liz only stayed for a little more than a week but being honoring to your parents was calling her back to Wyoming. She was actually very lucky because the next week was the sick week! And just 2 nights ago Lesley arrived for the week. It's like a Dream! That is what I said because her walking around here is like one of those dreams where somethings just don't seem to fit, but wait all dreams are like that! Anyway it is way encouraging for her to be here along with a bunch of folks from Brandon Pullen's small group.

Spiritually we need a blast of Holy Spirit to reunite us and an get us back on track on what God has planned for us here. There are many conversations to come, BBQs to put on, houses to gut, workplaces to outreach to, teachings to come, and many prayers to go out. With all of them we need from God the faith to believe that they will all be glorifying to God.

Keep us in your prayers, for you are in ours.

New Orleans Update

2006-05-26T08:48:00.000-06:00

I thought I would write a New Orleans update.

We left in 3 plutons on Saturday to get to New Orleans and all arrived Sunday safely, except one deer how was hit and killed. It was an encouraging ride for me, I got to know others quite well and better than my greyhound ride I actually got to drive, YES! 8 more people arriived last night and there ares still a few to come.

We eat our meals under a tent that only seats 30 or so, there are 61 of us. But it all works out because we don't all eat at the same time. The food has been great and the 2 girls in charge of it has just made a wonderful schedule, and are providing for those with special diatary restrictions. Cheap, healthy and good meals.

THe weather is hot, but not hot. All day the temperature is roughly the same, it is the humitity that makes it feel so much hotter. A little sweat didn't kill nobody.

Like any warm humide day the mosquitos are out. Every day one gets new red spotted friends somewhere on them, it is sort of like an adventure finding them all. Yesterday God taught me a lesson of not being prideful. I was talking to somebody about mosquito bites and they were telling me about a couple they had on their feet. I pridefully said that I never get them on my feet. That day I got 12 on my feet alone, God smacked me with a hammer!

THe girls are taking over on building, which is only qwo floors with 2-3 girls in each room and 2 bathrooms for each floor. Each room is complete with a queen size bed and if necessary a cot.

THe boys are scattered about three different floors, I tihnk. At first they didn't have air conditioning and were sleeping on the floor or a cot. I'm not exactly sure what their living situation is but the joy that flows out of them is a blessing.

That leads me to my next point, Complaining once again the spirit of God is working through everybody here because I have not heard one complaint. For me living here has been a blast.

Train whistles

2006-04-14T17:04:00.000-06:00

The train whistle haunts me. Not like a ghost or a foe. More like when something in your life isn’t right and God is trying to get your attention. Most are waiting and eager to hear the trumpet of God’s return but before the trumpet must come the train whistle. Maybe it’s just me but I hear it all the time, maybe I’ve lost my mind but I will stand by my belief that there is something in that train whistle. A sign of hope, more like a sign of fear, fear of God. In deaf culture a common idiom is “Train Gone” which means you’re basically out of the loop. The fear of being out of the loop with God scares me. I know he will never forsake me but I know there are areas in my life that need his guidance, need his holy touch, need his breath of grace, and need to be brought forth to his throne. I bring things to the alter, but when I leave I take them with me; I don’t leave them at his throne. Something that I know I’m not the only one guilty of. So after this revelation what do I do? Humble myself before him!

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” – Matthew 23:12

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” – James 4:7-10

“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” – Psalm 25:9

Stop

2006-04-13T10:29:00.000-06:00

Stop and smell the roses
Stop and look at them
Stop and see their joy
Stop and see their pain
Stop and see their lost
Stop and see their going

Just stop and see
It is so easy to be
Caught in you
And not sky blue

He is all round
Waiting to be found
But the rush of life
Masks the knife

If only we knew
To stop and let only him rule
Stop your heart from sinning
Stop your mind from wandering
Stop your feet from moving
Stop and let him guide

Why wait to fall
Why wait to burn
Why wait for you
Cause it will be too late
So why do you wait?

You already have

2006-03-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

So why not try
one branch to two
Attempt the sky
and it's deep blue

The faith to take steps by your will
for the certainty of unknown
directs me to pray and be still
To see the rainbow of thy throne

a Lesson in God's Power

2006-03-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

This is part of a letter I had to write in regard to an event in my life I chose to post it for there was a valuable lesson that I learned through this.

I have come to a deeper understanding of what went on Tuesday Feb 21st. Despite what others might believe I was actually in control of the situation. I could have at any point in time stopped but I thought it was helping me release feelings and frustrations I was having about my mental health and all of the events that lead up to my current state of mind. These feelings and frustrations came out in a some what violent and out of the ordinary way. Along with fighting my frustrations I was fighting God in the sense that I was angry that he hadn’t healed me yet. The biggest realization was the joy and peace that was found that I had forgotten. After fighting and struggling I eventually grew tired and unable to continue the struggle. I finally made the choice to stop. In tears I realized that one can’t win at a fight with God but that my walls of pride had to fall down. In tears because of God’s unfailing love for me I once again surrendered my pain and my mental struggles to him. Only he can heal me. I can’t fight this fight on my own. “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.” Colossians 1:29 I need his strength and guidance as well as the guidance he gives to those saints around me who too are filled with the Holy Spirit. He loves me and many others in my life love me as well and for that I am thankful.

God is sovereign in my life and so even though this was nerve rattling for me and many others I am rejoicing. “Sorrowful yet always rejoicing.” – 2 Cor. 6:10 My life is in his hands and so whatever trials that are still to come he will still be there with me. If one is not a believer this may not sound like there is much hope for I am saying that harder struggles have yet to occur. But saying that I am in the Lord’s hands is actually a message of deep love and hope.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength” – Nehemiah 8:10

Surrender and renew

2006-02-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

I try to run and I try to hide
But you promise to never leave my side

Your love is so kind
And I am so undesevering
This plagues my mind
How you could be so unswerving

My pace quickens
My heart skips a beat
My grip tightens
My soul begins to retreat

But it is not until the tears fall
That on my knees I send out a call

O Lord only you
Will satisfy
Through and through
To you I die

Alone on the tracks
I renew my vow
Can finally relax
As I joyfully bow

"Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth." - Psalm 31:5

Ugly Duckling

2006-02-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read the story of the ugly duckling? I think every kid has but when was the last time you read it? I picked up to day when I was waiting for a meeting to start. It is my story! Hopefully yours too!

I was born to 2 unbelievers and grew up always feeling like I didn't belong. I grew up desiring to find what I was looking for and to have friends that truly liked/loved me. Like the duckling I left the old farm in search of a place were I would fit in. In search of my identity. I was found by God and he revealed to me that I am an ugly duckling to this world but to him I was a swan! Our identity in him is the most beautiful of all.

The Ugly Duckling
Once upon a time down on an old farm, lived a duck family, and Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs. One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings. But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck couldn't recall laying that seventh egg. How did it get there? TOCK! TOCK! The little prisoner was pecking inside his shell.

"Did I count the eggs wrongly?" Mother Duck wondered. But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. The ducklings grew quickly, but Mother Duck had a secret worry.

"I can't understand how this ugly duckling can be one of mine!" she said to herself, shaking her head as she looked at her last born. Well, the gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he was outgrowing them. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so
clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him.

"Poor little ugly duckling!" she would say. "Why are you so different from the others?" And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.

"Nobody loves me, they all tease me! Why am I different from my brothers?"

Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. "Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine?" But everyone shook their heads in scorn.

"We don't know anyone as ugly as you." The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question. What's more, they warned him: "Don't stay here! Go away! It's dangerous. There are men with guns around here!" The duckling was sorry he had ever left the farmyard.

Then one day, his travels took him near an old countrywoman's cottage. Thinking he was a stray goose, she caught him.

"I'll put this in a hutch. I hope it's a female and lays plenty of eggs!" said the old woman, whose eyesight was poor. But the ugly duckling laid not a single egg. The hen kept frightening him.

"Just wait! If you don't lay eggs, the old woman will wring your neck and pop you into the pot!" And the cat chipped in: "Hee! Hee! I hope the woman cooks you, then I can gnaw at your bones!" The poor ugly duckling was so scared that he lost his appetite, though the old woman kept stuffing him with food and grumbling: "If you won't lay eggs, at least hurry up and get plump!"

"Oh, dear me!" moaned the now terrified duckling. "I'll die of fright first! And I did so hope someone would love me!"

Then one night, finding the hutch door ajar, he escaped. Once again he was all alone. He fled as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. "If nobody wants me, I'll hid here forever." There was plenty a food, and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds wing overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south.

"If only I could look like them, just for a day!" said the duckling, admiringly. Winter came and the water in the reed bed froze. The poor duckling left home to seek food in the snow. He dropped exhausted to the ground, but a farmer found him and put him in his big jacket pocket.

"I'll take him home to my children. They'll look after him. Poor thing, he's frozen!" The duckling was showered with kindly care at the farmer's house. In this way, the ugly duckling was able to survive the bitterly cold winter.

However, by springtime, he had grown so big that the farmer decided: "I'll set him free by the pond!" That was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water.

"Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself!" The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of their kind, and soon made friends.

"We're swans like you!" they said, warmly. "Where have you been hiding?"

"It's a long story," replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: "Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!"

And he almost burst with happiness.

Trust God with your homework

2006-02-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

"God loves math and that's why he gave humans the idea of math. If you are having trouble with math you should pray about it. In the Bible it says all things are possible through Christ who strenghthens me. If you pray to God about your trouble with math God will help you get it eventually. You should trust God. All you have to do is believe in Him because He works MIRACLES! "

A 13 year old wrote this!
And here are some verses that I found related to work/wisdom/future, oh boy are there more!

1 Corinthians 14:40
But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.

1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Matthew 25:21
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

1 Peter 3:15
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,

Proverbs 22:29
Do you see a man skilled in his work?
He will serve before kings;
he will not serve before obscure men.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Proverbs 2:6
For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.

Pains of Surgery

2006-02-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

I read this today from the book "Real Christians don't
Dance". I admit when I have a problem I try to fix my
environments, by getting rid of the idol but what
about the idol in my heart. We have to be cleansed
from the inside out and let me tell you what, it
hurts. humbling yourself before God and being
vulnerably is not the most comfortable place to be at
but that is what needs to be done. Pray with me not
just for me but for anybody else who is going through
this too.

The cartoon character Pogo's famous statement says it
best: "We have met the enemy and he is us." A pure
environment doesn't necessarily make pure people.
Avoiding movies, burning records, staying away from
dances, or turning off the radio does not make anyone
spiritually strong. In fact, these actually tend to
produce the opposite effect, developing fragile
Christians who must live in a controlled, censored
environment ï¿½ much like people who are so sensitive
to germs and chemical pollution that they have to live
in sterile rooms and breathe only filtered air.

The real problem of evil is inside us and not on
our walls or our stereo turntables. The purifying
process must begin in the heart and mind. The Bible
says: "To the pure, all things are pure, but to those
who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure"
(Titus 1:15). God works from the inside out, not
outside in. A pure heart makes for a pure world, not
vicversasa.

A pure heart comes from knowing Jesus Christ and
having Him recreate our hearts and minds through His
Word. It's strictly an inside job. Once that process
of change has begun, we begin to see differently. The
Word of God becomes a compass that points us toward
truth. With our new-found eyesight, we begin to sift
out truth from wherever we find it ï¿½ even in the
most unlikely places. "To the pure, all things are
pure."

2006-02-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

"Every Warrior of the Light
has felt afraid of going into battle.

Every Warrior of the Light
has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.

Every Warrior of the Light
has trodden a path that was not his.

Every Warrior of the Light
has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.

Every Warrior of the Light
has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light.

Every Warrior of the Light
has failed in his spiritual duties.

Every Warrior of the Light
has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'

Every Warrior of the Light
has hurt someone he loved.

That is why he is a Warrior of the Light,
Because he has been through all this
and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is."

Paulo Coelho, Brazilian Author
From his book: 'Warrior Of The Light'

2006-02-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ~ John 13:34

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven
I'll walk with Joy to know my debts are paid
I know my name is clean before my father
I am his child, and I am not afraid
So greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother
The law of love I will gladly obey

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion
I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges
I dare to see another point of view
And when relationships demand commitment
Then I'll be there to care and follow through

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me
Your power and glory let them shine through me
Your hallowed name, O may I bear with honor
and may your living Kingdom come in me
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor
And may you feed a hungry world through me

My, Your, Our Sovereign God

2006-01-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

Is God sovereign in your life? I mean is he really? Do you have the fear of God in you? Are you afraid to pray powerful prayers because you know they will come true. Ask and you shall receive. YOU SHALL RECEIVE. So what do you ask for and how do you react when you get it. When I was younger I would make birthday lists and Christmas lists that way my family wouldn't have to figure out what I wanted. The lists consisted of at least 10 items. Along would come Christmas and I would get stuff that was on the list but yet I wasn't completely thankful because even though my request was granted I really wanted the other items on the list(After 5 years I finally got a CD player that I wanted!) or I wasn't completely satisfied with the item that I did get(I wanted the red ball not the blue one). My point is when we pray and God answers our prayers how thankful are we? Did we want him to answer one prayer before another, did we even want him to answer a certain prayer and are we grateful for the way he answered the prayer?

The reason I brought this up is because yesterday I was faced with the reality that God answers prayers. I prayed in the morning for him to be sovereign in my life and to break me. I took pride in this prayer because I felt so Spirited and decided that it would be a good day because I did my Christian duty. Quickly before I knew what happen he put a big struggle right in front of me and all I could do was face it head on. He decided to break me and show to me that he is sovereign in my life. I wanted to run but he reminded me that I asked for it. I asked for a ball and well I got it. Don't run Christian! Or at least don't run from him but instead run right into his arms. Humble yourself and let go of all your pride and the mask that you wear to look strong. Trust in him to guide you and to comfort you. Sovereign sustaining grace.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:6-7

Here is the song that is powerful and can't be song without understanding what you are singing. Everytime I sing it I find myself on my knees because God has answered my prayers. I ask you all pray it for yourself if you want God to be sovereign in your life.

Break Me
Travis & Sarah Swan/Katrina Jansson

Wake me
Shake me from my sleep
Move me
And I fall to my knees
Breathe on me
DonÂt let my heart be cold
Burn in me
A fire I canÂt control

Break me
So I can be set free
Break me
Have Your way with me

When IÂm weak, you understand my cry
Holy Spirit come, IÂm ready for Your life
Call me, and name me as Your own
Set my mind upon Your ways as I let my way go

Break me
So I can be set free
Break me
Have Your way with me

Break me
So I can be set free
Break me
So Your glory can be seen

Glory for the world to see
Show yourself to the world through me 4x

Maker of Heaven and Earth

2006-01-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

Cecil Frances Alexander (1818-1895)
Maker of Heaven and Earth

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours,
He made their tiny wings.

The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate,
God made them, high or lowly,
And ordered their estate.

The purple-headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset, and the morning,
That brightens up the sky;

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.

The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows where we play,
The rushes by the water,
We gather every day;--

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

Courage to not Run

2006-01-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

When faced with something do you choose to run from it or do you choose to take it head on? Pause before you answer this!

"The wicked man flees though no one pursues,
but the righteous are as bold as a lion. - Proverbs 28:1"

I'm not referring to anything particular. Financial problems, school problems, relationships, temptations, surrendering of idols, your own sins, your weaknesses or any struggle that you find yourself in. For me I guess it is all of these, I confess. I'm a runner and not in the one foot in front of the other way but the one where avoidance is my way of life.

But there is hope! WE have the Spirit in us and God is on our side.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Phil 4:13"

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. - 1 Corinthians 16:13"

Road marked with Suffering

2006-01-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

"Drowned eyes
Dark skies
Lonely nights
Fading lights

You will wipe my tear
every word you hear
Change my heart of stone
For I am not alone

My God is good
for there I stood
looking to the cross
now I count my sin as loss

All my life to give
is the only way to live
Endure the race
to see His Face!"

I wrote these words this evening, reflecting on my most resent struggles and on my past struggles. I was reminded today that dwelling is not good. Dwelling on the negative, dwelling on my sorrows, dwelling on my struggles, and worst of all dwelling on the lies Satan tells me. But Christ died for me and for ALL, no need to dwell. Rejoice instead for he has saved me and I bring pleasure to his eye.

"Blessed be Your Name
On the Road marked with suffering
Though there is pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name"

Grandma and Me!

2006-01-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

I went to church with my grandma Sunday and then lunch together afterwards. I thought of something I heard from John Piper that before I became Christian somebody maybe many more were praying for me. Because of their faithfulness and even more because of God’s faithfulness I am a Christian, going on 16 months! My grandma was one of those and I know that when I told her last year she rejoiced. Imagine praying for somebody for 18 years and then getting a letter declaring an answer to your prayer. Imagine the joy and I can still see it in her eyes and feel it in her hugs. It was great to sit and chat with my grandma and to go to her church. I remember when I was younger when my brothers and I would stay at my grandparents’ house on the weekend. They would take us to their church. Entering the church this time was totally different because I liked to be there, God’s spirit was in this church. Like my church in Fort Collins this one focuses on the great commission that God has called us to work for. But at the same time when I saw the alter all I could think of was my grandpa’s memorial service. The same screen that we watched old pictures of his life I was reading lyrics about the Hope I have in Christ. Painful but yet joyful. I thought of my recent stroll through the cemetery thinking about the pains of being a widow. Many going years after their spouse has died, years that I imagine are lonely and depressing. But then I think of my grandma and I think of the old lady that has breakfast alone every Saturday morning at Elmers, local breakfast restaurant. You give your heart to somebody and then after 50 years or so you find yourself without them. Nights so sad that you can’t even cry but there is hope. I looked at that alter and read what was written below, “Christ is Lord”. There is our hope, there is their hope and there is the hope that we live everyday for. That hope and joy is reflected in my grandma’s eyes and smile. The same smile that God has blessed me with, like a friend of grandma’s said, “I can tell you gals are related”.

Praise God for my grandma and her faithfulness, praise him for my salvation, praise him for the hope we all have in Christ. Praise Him!

2006-01-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

Hello dear blog, I haven’t forgotten about you I just don’t know what to write. It’s not a lack of thought but really a lack of understanding. The only thing I am sure of anymore is that God is almighty and his way leads to victory. He is faithful with our prayers and he is always with me despite my many failures. More soon I hope.

Stars and Us

2005-12-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

Even the moon is not alone
it is surrounded by many stars
most you can't even see
They each have a part
in lighting up the sky for God

With my fellow
brothers and sisters
I too have the duty
no the privledge
of lighting up this world
for GOD!

"children of god without fult in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" - Phil 2:15

I wish to be a tree - Abra

2005-12-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

I wish to be a tree
In all of it's glory
Firm in stand
Not shaken by another hand
Either dressed or bare
It will always be fair
Stretching to the sky
And never living a lie
Identity as he see
God made him a tree
In a yard or countryside
That is for God to decide

A poem by me

2005-12-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

I walked into a cave
Thinking it was a tunnel
No light it gave
Only into darkness via a funnel

Down, Down, I went
Into the dark abiss
No way to vent
Hoping to not miss

But everytime I closed my eyes
there my Savior stood
With all the tearful goodbyes
He will always be perfectly good

Life is now worth living
I now have a plan
To always be giving
Love received by a holy man

2005-12-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

God Sent Me An Angel
by Tommy Q

I was walking along a country road one calm and cloudy day
Feeling down about the problems that had seemed to come my way
My pain was very great and my tears I could not hide
And was calling God to help me as I was hurting deep inside

I then thought about what I've believed and how I've rarely called
For sometimes I have wondered if God were there at all
As I lifted up my head and looked down that road a spell
I spotted someone coming - from the distance hard to tell

As he got a little closer I could then see all the signs
Of someone who'd been down that road quite a number of times
His clothes were old and dusty and his shoes were pretty worn
But there seemed a glow about him - at least I could have sworn

His face appeared real friendly as he peered up in the sky
He said, the weather is pretty calm today, hope the rain will pass us by
He first talked about the weather, but there seemed to be much more
That we both had in common, except for what we wore

He started talking about his life and the places he had been
And he spoke as if he knew me, like we were next-of-kin
From the problems that he had, to the happy times he found
Our likeness was uncanny and was becoming more profound

We had so much in common - I couldn't believe how much alike,
That I decided to tag along, we continued on our hike
He said he's from all over and his name was just like mine,
And hoped one day that we would meet as he had a real short time

I was feeling sort of baffled, as we went on with our walk
But he had held my interest, so I listened as he talked
He said, I know you're hurting - as your life has been so hard
But it seems today that you found God, where once you'd disregard

From the point that I was calling and was asking for God's hand,
Is the point where he had first appeared, as this was in God’s plan
He said to take more time for prayer - that I could bend God's ear
That He is always listening, and He is always near

God knows about my struggles but better times will be ahead,
As long as I keep believing and will no longer be mislead.
We then turned onto a sidewalk and now very close to home,
And it was then it struck me that I was suddenly now alone.

This stopped me in my tracks and I began to call his name
And it was then I understood, why to me that day he came.
I then realized God had heard me, as my Angel He then sent
To relieve me of my worries, and all my discontent.

Today I pray more often and feel blessed with my God's Love
As He was there and listening - and sent an Angel from above

Reflections - Harry Conte

2005-11-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

So many times we do not see,
that all of life is a memory:
Of days gone past both bad and good,
and so we dream, as dream we should:
But one should always keep in mind,
that a memory is a day behind:
Live for today with its joy and sorrow,
for today is the memory we dream of tomorrow.

Hope

2005-11-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

What is most dear to you? Do you even know? When you lose it or just think you have, that is when the truth is revealed. My roommate told me that my fish died, my 'Hope'. My world crumbled in that moment. For many she is just a fish, mmm sushi they joke. To me she is more than a fish. Her name is Hope, because Hope keeps me going. Everyday keeps going because of the hope that we will all be in heaven, hope that Jesus just might return on this day and I won't have to wonder where I'm going for Christmas, hope that today will glorify him, hope that I'm here for a reason. What if all the hope in the world faded away, died? That is how I felt. That is what happens when you give your fish a name like 'Hope' the time will come when I'll have to face reality that my fish will die, yet another thing to leave me, but I'm promised this 'blessed hope'

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ" - Titus 2:11-13

Thanksgiving Break Wrap-up!

2005-11-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

Friday night: Monika, Brittany and I went to Denver. Brittany's parent's bible study lead by Paul, a man gifted with prophecy (I'm still pondering all he said) Said up talking with B's parents and then bed. (For my sign language class I was silent on Friday, made things even more interesting)

Saturday: Brittany took Monika and me to the airport. I slept the whole plane ride. Mom, dad and Craig greeted me at the airport. We later went for a walk, I cooked some VERY spicy stirfry and watched 'Coach Carter'(not a bad movie)

Sunday: Movie theatre for 'Chicken Little' (a must see, it was too funny, I love the pig!) Grocery shopping. My next door neighbors found out I was home so I played with them for a couple hours.

Monday: Went to my old high school to observe a math teacher, my old volleyball coach. Came back for lunch and help my dad rack the leaves. Back to school for 6th period and a forever long conversation afterward, I always forget that Mr. Healy is a talker.

Tuesday: Oatmeal for breakfast! Listened to music on computer and then chess board shopping with my parents. 1:30 I went to my old elementary school to walk Katie home from school and to see my old 6th grade teacher. I realized how much older I am. I saw my old 6th grade teacher Mr. Raino (the best teacher ever), my 4th grade teacher (she now has a 6 year old, when I had her she wasn't even married!), My 2nd grade teacher and my first grade teacher. They all remembered me and all shared a embarrassing story for Katie to laugh at me for. They all encouraged me for my desire to become a math teacher! For the next couple hours I played with Katie and her sister, that included climbing to the top of the tree in the front of my house. Back home for my mom's pre thanksgiving turkey dinner. Went to a string trio recital in Caldwell. Kent arrived around midnight but I was already in bed.

Wednesday: Breakfast with mom at a cute cafe downtown. Shopping for CD's and clothes, it was a fun time. I convinced my family to go ice skating well all except Kent. It was fun I skated for a straight hour and of course fell on my butt once. Craig gave me and Kent our Christmas presents early. He had messed up on his order of a MP3 player and so we each got one. Sweet because I've been thinking about getting one and so I spent the rest of the evening putting songs on it.

Thursday: Turkey day! Went to grandma's at noon. My aunt Bev and precious arrived a little later with the food. My cousin Lacey and her boyfriend also came. Watched football, ate (real potatoes!), watched more football, played UNO like always, ate pie (YES! My aunt's apple pie!) and called it a night. Watched 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 days'

Friday: Craig and mom went to the mall for fun! I was a sleep of course! Took Katie downtown for the Festival of Trees and then back home. We then took a drive to Bogus, 6000ft elevation mountain? I drove the windy roads and that was fun. Dad made macaroni and Cheese! Watched James Bond movie, Numb3rs and the end of 'Hook'

Saturday:I woke up long enough to see a beautiful sunrise and the freshly fallen snow before falling back asleep. Craig and I fought over sifted flour and then made cookies. We joked the whole time. 12 dozen was the total! The five of us went on a walk which include passing a football around and pushing mom on the swing until she almost vomited. Craig and I slaughtered mom and dad at the game Rook. Learned the lesson that cell phones aren't washable! Packed and watched the Notre Dame/ Stanford football game!

Sunday: woke up at 2 and was to excited to fall asleep. Got ready at 4:30. Got to the airport at 5:30, plane left at 7 and arrived in Denver at 9. Took the 10:20 shuttle back to the Fort.

Let go of the edge

2005-11-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been Ice Skating? I went on my second try today and I must say there is a valuable lesson to be learned. The only way to get better is to get away from the edge and brave the open ice.

How often does God calls us to do something and we just run to the safety edge where we know that we won't fall, where no body well come along and knock us down. I cry out for freedom but when he gives it to me I run cause I'm blind of the gifts and strengths he has given me. Yes we will fall as I did today but it really doesn't hurt that bad compared to the lost opportunity to see if you could do it.

Jesus my Groom

2005-11-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

I wrote this last fall, during one of my alone times with God and a guitar. It's about the love I've found in Jesus.

My heart was cold and empty
I was hungry and in search of love
In search of a man like the movies
to love me, care for me until
I am old and gray
I hope to find a man that would
give me all I wanted
who would make me happier and hold me tight
we would have beautiful children and live in
a perfect little home

But to my surprise
the man I would fall in love with
was more than I imagined
He has loved me from the beginning
despite all my faults, and imperfections

I never thought that
the one I ignored
the one I denied
the one I despised
would be the one I would love

Now I will dedicate myself to you
Give you all I have
because it was your grace that saved me
Now I live by a new plan

Jesus I long to be your bride
Whisk me away on your mighty stallion
ride me off into the sunset of my dreams
and we can live happily ever after
in your mighty kingdom, that I call home

Message of Love

2005-11-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was walking to class listening to the Building 429 CD and "No one Else Knows" played. It was one of those I've listened to this song a couple times before but now, this moment in time it resonates with me. I had to stop and soak it in, I was only a little late to class.

"I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands"

I try not to give songs too much great, or use them as my only link to God. But there are those verses like the above one that are just poetic versions of my own prayer. I could ramble on but there aren't words to express or explain what God has been telling me this week. A message of love despite of me, I'll I have to do is leave my life in his hands.